The Space Between Us
by cr0wznest
Summary: When Santana returns, so do all of the feelings Brittany never got to express to her when they were strangers living in the same small town.
1. The return

**authors note; **I'm going to be away for a week and I thought I would post this new fic I've been working on just to get some feedback and see if I should continue. It won't be as long as my other multi-chapter ones, probably around 10 chapters or under. Anyway, enjoy :)

**p.s** sorry for any mistakes or grammatical errors!

**disclaimer; I do not own Glee or any characters mentioned in the story unless stated otherwise. **

* * *

I can't remember the last time I cried. I don't really know the right time to cry, unless someone is rubbing my back and telling me 'it's okay to cry.' That's only happened once, because my rabbit died when I was 9 and my mom knew she meant the world to me. Since then, I can't remember if I've cried. Some people would say crying is for the weak, but I can't tell if those people are just weak themselves.

I remember the last time I laughed. My brother got me to watch an episode of family guy with him and I thought the little boy with the football shaped head was funny. Although I didn't really understand the words coming out of his mouth, his look to me was funny.

Laughing is pretty much my medicine. My mom tried to make me take pills once, claiming that this medicine would make me better. I knew I couldn't change but I wasn't going to make her unhappy. I like my mom. She's the nicest person I know, but there are days when she gets angry at me for being clumsy.

I don't like it when people get angry at me for being clumsy. Because it's something I can't help. And if I can't help something then it shouldn't be fixed.

Yesterday I got a call back from the job my mom made me apply for. She told me it would help my abilities in communicating with people. My biggest fear is that people won't give me the time of day. But the place I'd be working at is a small grocery store and mom said they were desperate. I didn't believe her at first. Then she explained that they couldn't wait any longer to find a person for the job, so they chose me.

I would have preferred to get a job as a dance teacher at the local studio I went to every Saturday. Mom wouldn't sign me up for class but she let me sit in and watch most weekends. The dance instructor was always hard to read whenever I would watch the class. I didn't know if she wanted me there or wanted me to get out because I was a distraction. But I sat in the corner most times. She looked really tired when she walked into class. Like, more tired then a dance teacher should be.

I used to have the hots for one of the girls there but I felt weird sitting on the side every weekend just watching the class, or more specifically her. She wasn't the best dancer so she was in the back most of the time. Some of the girls in the class would laugh at her if she missed a step and she would send them the most amazing bitch glare I had ever seen. Those girls never laughed at her again. She even threatened that she had razor blades in her hair.

I heard her sing once and that's probably why she got a big job in Hollywood. I kept going back to the studio but she never did. I didn't cry when she left. Because my mom always told me to be happy for people who get out of here, rather than drag them back in.

She went to my high school, but we never even spoke there. She was part of the popular group while I hovered in the background amidst the flowers and over grown grass on the oval. I'm pretty sure her and her friends thought I was some weirdo that had a thing for the outdoors, although she never looked at me once.

Before my mom wakes up, which I know will be soon because she sets her clock to 9:00am, I step down the stairs like a mouse heading for a slice of cheese. Jerry, my new boss, wanted me to come in by 10:00am. I had showered last night, so I didn't need to this morning. Now all I need is a slice of bread with nutella on it and I can leave.

My kitchen cupboards aren't that full. There's a few glasses, some knives and forks and about 4 bowls. My pantry has even less inside of it, along with my fridge. I'm only allowed one special treat a week and this week was nutella.

It isn't a long drive to the grocery store. Mainly because all of the stores and houses are within 50 metres of each other.

Living in Lima, Ohio has made me happy. Probably because I've never been anywhere else in the world. I want too though and maybe when I get money from the grocery store I'll have enough to leave.

I graduated from Mckinley High School about 1...2...4 years ago. I didn't have any friends because I didn't allow myself to make any. Also, people didn't give me the time of day unless it was so pour slushie along the hallway floor so I would slip. I wanted to make my mom really proud when I finished school, but my brain wouldn't think properly.

So I settled for the score I got, even though it was probably one of the worst in my year. I still passed. I couldn't go to college because I was too scared to travel far from home. My mom let me stay at home with her, claiming that it was immature of me. But I know she secretly liked having me around. I think I'm her best friend - her only friend. Recently she's been begging me to find a job. Now that I have one, I can finally settle in Lima knowing that I'm bringing in money for her and my brother.

My 11 year old brother, Sam, is much more confident than me. He says that when he becomes a freshman he'll have lots of girlfriends. When I became a freshman, I didn't have any friends.

Sam took my mom's genes. Not the jeans you wear because I doubt they'd fit him, but the genes you receive from your parents that binds you together. I got my dad's genes. He was really into performing and making people laugh. So when he died 6 years ago I lost my humour because I felt like he gave it to me.

I can see some people through the window of the grocery store. One of them is my boss Jerry and the others I can't quite tell from outside in the car. So I step out and dust my sneakers off because the majority of Lima is dust.

The bell above the door rings and I walk in to be greeted by Jerry. I've been buying from here since I was a kid. Everything's so cheap and tasty.

"Brittany, get yourself an apron and help out some customers in the back," He says, nodding his head towards the furthest isle. His hands are full of cans of fruit and soup.

I grab an apron from underneath the counter and walk towards two girls that are scanning the shelves intensely.

"Hi," I greet them with a grin. One of them looks at me and my smile grows.

"Britt, what biscuits would you recommend?" The blonde asks. Her name's Quinn. She works at the bar just around the corner with Rachel whose standing beside her. They both went to Mckinley with me, but we all never spoke because our social groups were different.

But when we found out we were the last ones left in Lima, we knew that we had to be friends. They were the first friends I made and being 22 that's not something I'm proud of. So I don't talk about it too often.

"The ones with pink icing and hundreds and thousands are my favourite. But it really depends on what you're doing while eating them. Are you having some tea? Or just snacking on them while on your break from work?" My fast paced talking had both the girls giggling.

Rachel grabbed a packet of Monte Carlo biscuits and the ones I suggested.

"These better taste delicious," She says, brushing passed me to the counter. She was grinning like a Cheshire cat when she said that. I always thought with Rachel's big smile and charm that she'd be out of Lima faster than anyone. But she didn't get accepted into the school she wanted because of her lack of extra cylinder activities. Something like that.

"You can bet they do!" I yelled back. Quinn smirked and poked at my shoulder. She then went with Rachel to the counter and paid for the biscuits. Now I feel like biscuits.

It's kind of weird seeing those two hang out and laugh together. I think desperation for a friend seemed to have got the better of them. They never once looked at each other in High School. Mainly because they had different interests - Quinn being head cheerleader and Rachel being, well, _the voice_ of Glee club.

I lied before. They weren't the first friends I made. I just don't like talking about the first one - the girl from the studio. We only started talking after we graduated. When I said I had heard her sing once, I was telling the truth. But it wasn't a situation where I had to spy on her to hear her sing. She actually sung to me. I was fooling around with some moves after everyone left and I didn't think anyone was around. She stood in the distance watching me for a while and then started laughing. I almost thought she was going to make fun of me. But then we somehow found ourselves sitting down together and talking about our future. She told me she wanted to make it big and that I would too because apparently my 'foolish' moves actually had the potential to become great.

I only saw her on weekends because we didn't hang out in the same area at school and I normally had to baby sit my brother. I didn't know why because he had grown out of diaper's a while ago. But my mom insisted that he was trouble when left alone.

When I did see her, I would get this funny feeling inside my belly. It was like fireflies were fluttering around in there trying to deliver a message to me. She said she didn't know why we didn't hang out in high school because I seem like 'a cool chick' - those were her exact words.

Then weeks later I heard about her job offer in Hollywood and before I could wish her good luck she had already gone. That's when I felt hopeless. She was my first, unconfirmed, friend and she had left me. It's not like we were close or anything. We would talk about normal things, like what music we like and where we hope to be in 10 years.

She was also my first kiss. When we spoke about our future she would repeat how much she wanted to marry some rich guy and have 12 kids. So I didn't immediately know her reason for kissing me. I knew was kissing her because I wanted to kiss her. Simple. I tried not to think about the kiss, but it became really hard after seeing her every Saturday. But because she acted like it never happened, I did too.

* * *

_"I like the move where your stomach and back curves, like a worm standing up," She gushes, sitting across from me. _

_"The body roll?" I question, showing the move again. She nods enthusiastically and I blush in return. I always tend to get red whenever she's close to me. _

_"I bet all of the guys and girls love when you do that move," She says, poking my side. I like the feeling. It's almost as if the tip of her finger can cause electricity to fuse under my skin._

_"I don't really go out," I say, turning my head down to the floor and tracing random patterns with my finger. _

_"Do you mean to say that you never get hit on?" She asks, her eyes wider than the width of her face. That would be hilarious if it were true. _

_I look up and giggle at her expression, but she's completely serious. _

_"Don't laugh!" She squeals. "You're gorgeous Brittany, if you hit the town you'd have the world at your feet." Her compliment feels like a rainbow on a completely dark, rainy day. I wonder if the pot of gold at the end of it is her._

_"I wouldn't know how to handle all the attention," I reply, shrugging nonchalantly._

_"But of course you've been in a relationship right?" She questions, tilting her head down to stare me in the eyes. She always tries to do that. I don't ever want to give in because I'm afraid of what she'll see. _

_I shake my head no and I hear a gasp escape her lips. It's like she sucked all the air from the room and I can feel my body temperature rise quickly._

_"H-have you ever been kissed?" She asks tentatively. _

_"Uhh..." I trail off because I know that she'll burst if I tell her anything further. I don't want to blurt out anything else so I cup my hand over my lips and breathe through my nose. _

_"Brittany," She says firmly, balling her hands into fists and planting them on her hips. It's the same stance my mom adopts when she's questioning me about something bad I may have done._

_I shake my head, to gesture that I'm not going to speak. She's probably figured out by now that I've never kissed anyone because of my silent treatment. A normal person would flaunt if they kissed someone, but I'm still yet to experience anything like that. _

_"Please Brittany, why are you covering your mouth?" She reaches for my hand but I pull back, causing her eyebrows to scrunch in confusion. "Do you think I'm going to kiss you?" One of her eyebrows are raised now and her lips are slightly pinched together. _

_My eyebrows turn down as I realise what she just said to me. I wouldn't mind if she kissed me but I'm sure that I won't be any good at all and I'll just embarrass myself. Then she'll tell everybody about the awkward, quiet girl who couldn't kiss._

_"I'll kiss you, if you want." The innocence on her face is breaking my control. The control I've kept within me since I first met her. Is she as nervous as me?_

_I don't answer because I don't really have time. She's moving in closer, placing her hand against my own and pulling it away from my mouth. I let her. I notice that her eyes never leave my lips and it turns me on knowing that she's probably thinking the same thing as me. Do they taste as good as they look?_

_Finally her eyes meet mine and I'm caught off guard. I do have time now to back away, because she's moving really slowly towards me. But I don't want her to see the fear in my eyes that everyone else does, so I move in sync with her. _

_We meet in the middle, lips crashing gently against each others. She works fast and tilts her head so that her lips are creating a motion that I'm trying hard to keep up with at first. Then I catch her rhythm and I take a chance. _

_My tongue sweeps from her bottom lip to her top lip and her eyes are still closed. She breaks the kiss, bites her lip and moans, obviously enjoying the feeling my tongue gave her. Then with her eyes still closed she whispers, "You're good."_

_Then we both lean in again blindly and this time the kiss is more frantic. I feel like I'm drunk and I've never experienced being drunk before. Her tongue is swiping sharply against mine and the pops become louder when we disconnect lips. I'm grabbing her shirt and she's pulling me closer by my neck. But then my fingers graze her breast over her shirt and she whimpers. _

_That's thrown her off and she instantly pulls back. I don't think she meant to whimper. I remember my aunt telling me that when girls feel really good they make really high pitched and lengthy noises. I'm glad I made her feel good._

_Her eyes fall to the ground and they fly in all directions of the wooden surface. I should say something quic- "See you around," She mutters, before grabbing her duffel bag and leaving. _

* * *

"Brittany, customers!" Jerry yells and I scramble to my feet. How the hell did I end up on the floor? I think when I'm thinking too hard my brain weighs my whole body down.

I rearrange a few items on the shelves so it looks like that's what I was doing the whole time. Then I flatten out my apron for no reason and walk towards the front of the store. I see a woman with really big sunglasses on. They look like they're swallowing her face. She sees me behind the packets of chips and freezes.

Did I pee my pants or something? Was my apron on backwards? Then I realise why she's staring. It's because I'm me and she knows me.

She grabs her paper bag full of items and leaves the store so fast. The truck she gets into kind of looks like mine. She kind of looks like Santana. But what famous singer comes back to a place like this.

My phone starts vibrating in my pocket and I gasp. Jerry looks over at me with this odd look on his face. Maybe I did pee my pants. I look down at my trousers but there's no stain. I sigh heavily before staring down at my phone. There's a text from Quinn asking me to meet her and Rachel at the diner on my break.

I send a reply saying I will, but it takes me a while because I keep forgetting which letter is where even though they never change spots. I notice a woman and her kid in the candy isle and I greet them.

If that really was Santana that entered the store and then ran away, I really have to work on my words so I can speak with her before she rushes off again. But I'm being crazy. She would never come back to Lima in a thousand years. If Hollywood is as great as those people in movies say it is, then she'd never want to leave.

She made Lima great for me for the while that we spoke, that's why I never wanted to leave. I'd never tell anyone that though. Life obviously had a different plan for her and without hesitating or thinking of me, she took it.

Nothing great happens here, in Lima. Santana was the only person to make me smile around here, but I could never really figure out why. I never even got the chance to ask.

I wasn't going to try and kiss her again even though I was desperate to hear her make those sounds again. But I didn't have to be the one to approach her first, because she showed up at my house three weeks later.

* * *

_"When are you going to be back?" I ask in desperation that is visible to the next county. _

_"I don't know Brittany," My mom replies off handedly and hurries out of the door. I watch the door slam and frown in misery. I know my mom won't be home until late, because she always goes out to drink on impulse alone. She knows I have dance class but that's not what is important to her._

_Three hours later I find myself in the backyard, which is hardly a yard because it's mostly concrete. I'm holding a weed between my fingers, slashing away at the tiny bugs that fly passed me. One shoots right into my eye and I wince and lose my balance. My knee takes most of the fall as it grazes against the solid concrete. "Ow, ow, ow!" It's stinging and there's blood. Some of my skin is torn from impact but I'm sure I'm not going to die. So I lift myself off the ground, careful not to tense my knee to much because it starts throbbing if I do. _

_I hop upstairs to the bathroom and look through the cupboard. We're out of band aids. Just as I step into the hallway there is a knock at the door. Maybe it's Sam home early from his friends car garage. I really wanted to go with Sam because I liked motorbikes and apparently they repair them there, but my mom said somebody needed to be at home. I don't know why. We didn't have a pet to look after anymore and my dad wasn't around anymore to ring his bell every time he needed water._

_There is another loud knock on the door. More like a bang. I tensed slightly, hoping that I wasn't about to be robbed. When I got to the door I placed my hand on the knob and paused. I looked down at my knee and saw that the blood had dried up. Whoever was on the other side of the door is probably going to be grossed out, unless it's Sam. He would probably poke it. _

_I open the door and almost faint because of the sun and then realise who is standing in front of me and really begin to fall backward. Hands grab my shoulders to keep me up right. I squint my eyes and step back, allowing Santana inside. _

_"What are you doing here?" I say and instantly feel how dry my mouth is. I swallow some saliva down my throat and watch Santana fidget in front of me. _

_"Can we talk?" She asks timidly. I don't remember this girl. She used to be so confident back in High School and now she was acting like I had just told her off for something. _

_"Y-yeah," I clear my throat, "yeah." She follows me up stairs. I don't know why we couldn't have just spoke where we were, in front of the door, but I feel safe in my room and if what Santana needs to talk about is bad then at least I'll be safe. When we get inside I watch her close the door behind us. This is the first time she's been inside my house and she is already breaking house rules. My mom would kill me if she were home. _

_Her eyes wander down my body until they land on my knee. Great she's going to scream and run away now. _

_"What happened?" She asks concerned. I almost want to question why she is being protective, but I don't want her to feel embarrassed and stop. So I shake my head as though it's nothing. "Do you have band aids?" I shake my head again. "Tissues?"_

_"I think so," I respond quietly. _

_"Where are they?" I scrunch my eyebrows in annoyance because I should know where the damn tissues are kept. Santana's looking at me worriedly and I really don't want her to because I'm fine. _

_"I'm fine, don't worry, I'll get them later." She crosses her arms and turns towards the door. Before I can stop her she is out in the hall, blindly making her way through the house._

_She returns with three tissues in her hand and a proud smile on her face. I smile with her. "Sit down." I obey immediately. Her eyes find mine for a the shortest moment before they're staring at my knee again. I shake off the feeling that she wanted to say something but refused. I know she wants to talk, I just don't know when and I won't rush her. _

_Her eyes scan my bedside table and when she opens the top drawer I see her grin. She rips off a piece of tape and sticks it to the tissues before wrapping the tape around my leg to keep them in place. "I'm no Christina Yang but at least it isn't exposed," She states with a proud smile. This time I don't smile back. I understand her joke, but seeing her smile so many times in fifteen minutes is like finding water in the desert. _

_"What did you want to talk about?" I realise, when she looks up at me, how close we are. The dip I make in the bed causes her to lean into me and it's weird how comfortable I feel. I hope she feels comfortable aswell because it isn't fair if I'm the only one getting a pleasurable feeling from our closeness._

_"Th ks..." She mumbles. _

_"What?" I gulp and I'm pretty sure she can feel me swallow too. "Santana?"_

_"You know what," She rushes out, "nevermind, I'm not good with this kind o-of thing anyway..." Her sentence ends sharply when she opens the door and walks out, shutting it loudly behind her. _

_I'm sitting on my bed with my hands frozen by my side. I so wanted to know what she was going to say but then again what if it's bad? What if she regrets kissing me? She said I was good so I don't think that is what she wanted to say._

_There are three light knocks my door and I stand up from the bed tentatively. Santana's standing there shyly with her hands balled in tight fists. Her eyes search mine and I can't break our eye contact because I feel like this is my only chance to get to talk to her about us. She may change her mind and not want to see me anymore, so while she is here, I'll take my chances. _

_"You weren't at the studio today." I blow up my mouth and rub the back of my neck. I wasn't expecting her to say that. _

_"You noticed." My voice was all croaky. My mouth was still dry. _

_"Yeah," She breathes out a laugh, "I notice the things you do and it's so strange to me. I never pay attention to anyone."_

_I take a step forward. "Don't." I stop. "You're so odd Brittany. You do these things and I notice, because something inside of me enjoys noticing you and being around you-"_

_"Are you a lesbian?" I deadpan._

_"What?" She snaps. _

_"You heard me," I say with the slightest inch of confidence in my voice, "are you gay?"_

_"No." She doesn't sound sure. I step forward. _

_"You kissed me and you didn't have to, nobody asked you to and I'm not sure if it's just me or if you're a lesbian for all girls but you kissed me and I can't get it out of my head." _

_"We cannot start something now," She says it almost apologetically. She says it like there's something more I don't know. _

_"Kiss me," I take her hand and pull her towards me before shutting the door. "You want to, so kiss me."_

_"I barely know you," She whimpers. "You don't know anything about me!" I grab her cheeks and press my lips to hers. She grunts and pushes at my chest until I've stepped back. "Don't tou-" I use more of my strength this time to push her against the door and keep her there while my lips assault hers. She whines and her hands try and break free from my hold but she eventually gives up and ends up scratching my waist._

_I had no idea I could kiss like this. I hadn't kissed anyone before in my life and here I was taking control of a kiss. I am the pilot and Santana is the engine that makes us fly, so I keep kissing her. She slides her tongue through my lips defiantly, catching me by surprise. My tongue plays with hers like they have been friends for years. It slides along her velvet tongue and sweeps up to the roof of her mouth._

_She bites down on my lip and I instinctively push forward into her. Her moan enters my mouth and I swallow it. She finds the opportunity to push me back towards the bed until I fall on to it. She reaches for my thighs and pulls my legs apart. I'm wearing embarrassing duck underwear but by the looks of her grin, she loves it. I wish I had worn jeans or track pants today. Why did I have to be wearing a short skirt? Why did it have to be so hot today? Her lips attach to my inner thigh and she sucks skin into her mouth. I arch my back until she lets go then fall back with a thump on the bed._

_I want to see her face while she is down there. I lean on my elbows until I catch her eyes. They are much darker than before. Like when a vampire smells blood and they get all horny. Or like when my rabbit saw a carrot. His eyes were naturally red though._

_Her fingers slide down my entrance, coating her skin in my wetness. I can't believe I'm seeing this, up close and so personal. Her eyes are so concentrated on my body and her tongue slides practised licks around my clit. She sucks hard, caresses, kisses, plunges her tongue inside of me. I'm losing my virginity. _

_My thighs clench around her head and my toes curl once I erupt. Tiny fireworks explode in my chest and I feel lighter. Her lips detach from me and she stands up and wipes her mouth. I sit up lazily, still recovering, and pull her on top of me. She wraps her arms around my neck. I know this was just sex, I just hope she realises how much I would give up just to do this everyday with her. _

_I lean up and kiss her gently. She moves her lips against mine with practised ease. She has kissed alot. I can tell. I don't know if she has had sex with another girl before, because she was really good. I want to ask. _

_Her lips pull back with a light pop. "I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you, okay?" _

* * *

She just wanted to see what it was like, that's what she said. I didn't get a chance to do the same to her because she left when I remained silent. A week later she didn't return to the studio and I almost cried, almost. That's when I knew I missed her. I missed her in a different way than I miss my dad. I miss his laugh and his jokes and his hugs. I missed her because I had realised what those fireflies in my stomach meant. I realised when I saw Quinn and her boyfriend kissing in the car park. He had his hands on her butt and she was sticking her tongue into his mouth.

It wasn't intimate. But it was still the touch between two people that I really wanted. The touch that sparked a fuse in your body making it hard to breathe. It's when you know you always want to be around that person that lights your fuse.

I realised that's why I missed Santana. Because I never got to tell her I was falling in love with her.

* * *

**authors note; **how was that? if you aren't leaving any thoughts, I really hope you enjoyed the first chapter and will continue reading when I return :)


	2. The delivery

**authors note; **Thank you for your patience, reviews, favourites, follows. I won't be adding authors notes every chapter but if you do ask questions I'm happy to p.m you to answer :) It feels so good to get back into writing after my holiday and I really hope you enjoy this chapter and what is to come!

chat to me on tumblr if you like; cr0wznest . tumblr OR heathersvera . tumblr

**disclaimer; **same as always.

* * *

I used to own a horse. I loved the speed they could gallop when I'd nudge them with my feet in a particular way. I couldn't imagine running that fast. I'd probably lose my breath after 50 metres or trip over because I'd be too caught up with the wind in my hair and how could it feels when the cold air pounds my skin.

Riding was one of few activities Lima had to offer, probably the only entertaining one. There was no real shopping mall; only small stores with cheap clothes, selling what my grandma or Rachel would wear.

My horse got cancer when I was 15, so for 2 weeks I was by his side before he got taken away. My mom said God needed a way to travel around his kingdom and my horse was his first choice. I couldn't ask for a better friend at the time. Yes, a horse was basically my only friend growing up.

Men have dogs, some single women own cats and I had a horse that would listen to every insufficient teenage problem I had. When I got into a fight with my parents I used to visit him out at the barn a mile down a dirt road separating the town from an open field. I'm sitting here on the grass, the dirt staining my shorts and the sun making out with my cheeks. I'm thinking about my old horse, because I'm trying to get the thought of someone else out of my head.

I was so sure that Santana was the girl with the circular glasses that came into the grocery store earlier.

I was meant to meet Quinn at the diner on my break, but with all of these new thoughts galloping like a horse through my mind, I don't feel like being around anyone at the moment.

Knowing Quinn she'll probably worry, but she'll most likely be with Rachel. Those two never leave each other's side these days. I wonder if what Quinn wants is important. I don't think anything major happened since I saw her last which was a couple hours ago. Maybe her and Rachel have realised they are in love with each other. It's possible. I don't think I could spend every second with someone and not fall in love with them.

Well I barely spent time with Santana and I fell in love with her. I don't think I'm over that yet. I was. Until she came back and I remembered just how beautiful she was.

I'm getting pretty hungry and this grass is starting to itch. I decide to leave the field and skip back up the dirt road towards town. I really like the silence and freeness that the field has to offer - especially at night.

I call Quinn to make sure she's still at the diner and she is. I hear Rachel in the background telling me to hurry up and get my ass over there, but I just giggle and hang up the phone. She always says the weirdest things, especially when she is drunk and can hardly speak proper English. Her mouth looks a lot bigger when she's drunk because it's always hanging open. I don't know why she does that.

I'm kicking small, loose pebbles along the dirt as I approach the diner. If I hadn't been skipping the entire way back to town I'd probably have wasted time and Quinn would have been angry. I don't think Quinn could get angry at _me _though. She knows I don't take too well to heightened emotions and voice levels that grow loud enough for the sky to shake. Quinn respects that because she finds me intriguing apparently.

Rachel disagreed and said I am like cold lemonade at the end of a smouldering hot week – refreshing. It's still a compliment but they Quinn started this whole argument about how Rachel always tries to outdo her by using big words. After they left together that day I expected some rough make up sex between them but I forgot to ask.

I still don't really know what is going on between them. I guess I just have this fantasy – that might sound strange – about Rachel and Quinn realising how much they're in love with having babies just so I can be the godmother of their kids. I guess I'm being a little selfish considering I only want them to be together just so I can have the title of godmother, seeing as I don't have any other friends who could have kids and ask me.

I can make out Quinn and Rachel through the bird poop stained windows and I happily open the door and sprint over to them. I sit opposite them in the booth, grabbing a menu and pretending that I've been sitting there patiently the whole time. The girls turn to glare at me and I can't help my lips from curling up in a grin.

"Okay sorry!" I squeal softly. "I got distracted, what's going on?" I ask in a hushed tone as if it's some super top secret meeting we're involved in.

Quinn breathes a sharp 'ha' before shaking her head and placing my menu down. She then leans across the table a little with her arms placed underneath her boobs. I hadn't meant for my eyes to look down there, it's just that Quinn's boobs are pushed together so much and it's kind of distracting. I wouldn't say she has the best boobs, Rachel's are pretty great. Her chest is tanned and golden while Quinn's is creamy, like mine. Except I have freckles and smaller boobs than both of them. Santana's boobs, now they're incredible.

"Brittany," She whispers, scanning the area, completely oblivious to my leering and my dirty thoughts.

"Do you remember a girl from our high school, Santana Lopez?" She questions.

My mind goes blank for a slow 9 seconds and I can feel saliva tickling the sides of my lips because my mouth has been open for so long. I look up to Rachel and Quinn whose eyes are wide and waiting for any kind of response.

"Yeah," I say slowly. "What about her?" I try asking as casually as possible, because if I seem too eager to talk about her, they might suspect that we had a special relationship even though nobody ever saw us hanging out.

"She's back," Quinn grins, "Rachel and I saw her out by her mom's trailer," She finishes.

"Yeah," She nods her head as if she needs to agree with Quinn, "she was with someone - a tall blonde who was dressed kind of fancy," Rachel explains, lowering her eyebrows inwardly which can only mean the girl is either confused or jealous that she can't afford fancy clothes.

"What were you guys doing in that area?" I ask monotonously, catching them both by surprise.

"What are you talking about Britt, we were just taking Arthur for a walk," Quinn says defensively.

Wait. Quinn just said Santana was here, back in Lima. Crap! that was her in the grocery store. But why the hell did she have to run away? It's not like I would have walked up to her after all this time and asked if she wanted to pick up where we left off and kiss right here right now.

Or maybe my confidence would sweep her off her feet? But Rachel said she was with another girl, maybe her cousin or someone that works at her record label. I didn't want to have to think about her at all, not right now when I was just figuring my life out. It's not like I had some big secret to reveal to anyone. Rachel and Quinn know I'm gay, my mom knows I'm gay and Sam doesn't really listen to anything I say so when I told him he just replied with 'cool'.

My mom said she always knew and I still don't know how that's possible. You don't really think people pay that much attention to you when you spend your whole life paying attention to other people. I didn't realise my mom noticed the whole time. If Santana starts noticing me again like she used to, I don't think I would be able to ignore it or even pretend to be oblivious to it. I had finally gotten a stable job and family life was going relatively well, I didn't need her to notice me.

Santana would only create a curve ball in the game if she's planning to stay in Lima for a long time. I hoped she would be gone in the morning. It's kind of mean to think and I immediately take that back. Maybe she came to make a quick pit stop for her world tour or something. Then again, it would be nice to talk to her again. To hear her raspy voice and watch her amazingly full lips move.

"What do you want me to do about it?" I ask, because that's the first reply that pops into my head.

"Nothing," Quinn mirrors Rachel's eyebrow scrunching expression earlier, "we're just saying that she's probably back to rub it in our faces about how good she's had it for the past four years," She grumbles, huffing and folding her arms.

"Why'd she be back in Lima if she's got it so good?" I ask more to myself than the girls.

"I don't even care," Rachel sighs, scooting Quinn aside so they can hop out of the booth, "we have to get back to the bar, are you coming in tomorrow night?"

"Sure," I nod my head and they both smile and leave. I decide I should get back to work aswell. My break was only supposed to be for 45 minutes because work was going slow despite the usual customers that Jerry pointed out.

I slump towards the counter, ordering one vanilla milkshake. When I'm given the drink, I pay the lady with the candy striped apron and head outside.

Santana's mom's house isn't that far from here. She lives just behind the daisy covered hill which is in the east. How did I even remember that? I had only been there once when I was bored and decided to follow Santana home from the studio one night. That sounds worse than it did in my head, but it was all innocent. That afternoon at my house, when she stopped by unexpectedly or that kiss and talk in the studio; it did not make us friends. I tried to convince myself that what we had was a special relationship but I could never tell her that. She said she barely knew me and she was right. But right after that she took my virginity and saw more of me than anybody else.

It was like even if the best explorer in the world held magnifying glasses close my heart or my eyes, they wouldn't be able to see a thing. But that is because I would strip away the layer covering everything that Santana was able to witness.

Her exact words during our '10 years into the future' talk weren't directed at me, although they felt like it.

_'I don't care about friends; I'm being selfish for once. The opportunities out there are calling my name and friends will only keep me lingering here, wondering what could have been.'_

When she said that, I felt an unexpected sting in my chest that nothing could make better. Until we kissed that is. The words hurt, because I had never gotten to that point of conversation when someone reveals their feelings. I strangely thought she considered me her best friend. She told me she didn't notice people like she noticed me. I almost thought I was considered special.

I pushed the grocery door open and kept the straw between my lips as I passed Jerry at the counter. I wondered how he managed to keep that smile on his face all day. Even when a customer disapproved of one of the items, he always told them that they were right and he'd fix it straight away.

But every grocery store worker has different personalities. I think I'll be the blunt one. Because I kind of already am blunt without trying. It's not my choice, I just don't feel the need to over exaggerate when saying certain things.

I'm back to tagging the prices on the canned food. I look at my watch which tells me I have another four hours left of the shift. In the end it's all about the money I make and once I make a million I'm going to split it with Rachel and Quinn and move to Kansas because we all love The Wizard of Oz.

* * *

My home isn't really something to brag about, but when I arrive home I get this overwhelming sensation of belonging. I could always count on my brother and mom to provide me with that feeling because no one else would. Santana did at times, but I knew it wouldn't last. I hate thinking that. But there was something about her that said 'I'm about to let you down and I'm going to be a little sorry about it'. I'm sure she's a better person now, not that she was bad before. I guess I just assume things about people, because I pay so much attention. Rachel described it as 'star quality'. Santana had it.

"How was your first day?" My mom hollers from the kitchen.

"Great, I got a milkshake on my break," I beam, kicking off my shoes and placing them beside the door.

"You had your first shift at work and you're talking about what you did when you weren't even there?" My mom chuckled and shook her head knowingly. There wasn't really much to say about my new job, because mom and me had visited the grocery shop often and saw what the workers engaged in.

I head towards the kitchen, place a gentle kiss on my mom's cheek as she stirs the spaghetti sauce in the saucepan and then retreat towards my room. Basically everything is grey in my room, apart from the mural on the wall. It was painted by my dad when I was 11. It was of the field where my horse used to run around in. He blotted some bright yellow among the navy blue to create a starry effect, because he always knew I loved going there at night.

I grab a towel from the closet outside my bedroom and hurry towards the bathroom in case Sam is planning to beat me to it. Luckily I make it without any war wounds and bruises and lock the door. As soon as I begin to strip I hear a frantic knock at the door.

"You know I take a shower first Britt! Now I'm going to miss Family Guy!" Sam whines through the door.

I cover my mouth so he doesn't hear my giggles and turn on the hot water with my free hand. I hear him groan and bang the door once more before disappearing. I step into the shower, eager to rid my body from the smell of canned beans and sausages.

My thoughts wonder to Santana and why I wasn't more shocked when Quinn told me she had returned. Maybe it was because I trusted my instincts in the first place when I thought it was her with the big glasses. There was a feeling inside me that knew it was her, because I couldn't forget a face like that.

So Quinn confirmed my suspicions and now I'm left with deciding what to do. I should ask around to see if anyone knows how long she's in town for. No one will even know who I'm talking about - she wasn't that social unless she was forced to be. Maybe it's only a day and if that's the case then I won't bother approaching her. I doubt she'll want to speak to me now that she's famous anyway.

But what if she's staying here a while? What if she's come back to live here? That's impossible though. No famous singer would give up Hollywood to live in their old home town with about as much fun as a bar on Sunday mornings; unless something went wrong...

I realise that I haven't even applied soap to my body yet and my mom is calling me through the door. I quickly dab the smelliest parts of my body, rinse off and then turn the water off.

I sprint to my room and grab my pyjamas that are laid out on my bed. Just as I go to pull my pyjama top on, my mom pokes her head in my room.

"Jerry needs you to make a delivery," She says and instantly her head retreats out of sight.

I sigh and grab a pair of casual jeans and a t-shirt. I hope I get paid for making a delivery when my shift has been over for half an hour.

* * *

I'm outside the grocery store, hovering by Jerry's truck as he tries to find the right bag. He then picks up one with a loud 'AHA!' and my eyes widen comically in relief. "The daughter apparently picked up the wrong flavour soup." I chuckle along with Jerry before heading outside.

I place the bag in the passenger side of my truck and hop in. Whatever is in there smells really good. Normally the cheaper products don't have a smell, but obviously this customer wanted the best. My truck smells like rich persons kitchen.

Jerry had given me an address and as soon as I pass the daisy covered hill, I know where I am headed. All I remembered was that hill - not the number of the property or the road. I wish I had because then I could have refused to take the delivery. It probably would have resulted in me getting fired, but it would most likely hurt less than facing Santana again. I don't know why I'm being so negative about her.

I park a few metres from Mrs. Lopez's trailer. My brows scrunch when I notice a second trailer to my right. I can tell the difference because one looks kind of new and the other is rusting.

The curtains are closed behind the windows and I sigh in relief. I didn't want eyes to be on me as I awkwardly make my way over to the front door. With two hard knocks I hear footsteps.

Mrs. Lopez opens the door slowly, reaches out to grab the delivery and I notice how fragile she looks. The circles under her eyes are dark and deep. She's lost a lot of weight but I can't tell if that's a good thing or not.

"Who is it ma?" I hear the raspy voice and almost stumble backwards. The woman smiles at me before closing the door and muttering something to the other occupant inside.

My chest is becoming heavy and I blink so much without being able to control it. I turn my back towards the door and begin to walk away when I hear it open again. It closes and someone steps out and the loud crunching against the gravel tells me that they're heading towards me.

"Brittany?" the raspy voice questions.

I reach up to wipe the sweat off my upper lip, before gaining the strength to finally turn around.

There she is, in those fancy clothes that Rachel jealously explained about. Her jeans looked like she would have to have a whole team try and fit her into them because they look super tight. Her heels are a really nice cream colour and they have a skinny heel, not that I'm familiar with how thick or thin the heel can be.

Her shirt is grey and casual, but over the top is a caramel coloured blazer with studs on the cuffs. She looks like a million dollars, but as my eyes meet hers, I can see she doesn't feel like it.

Her skin still looks as clear since I last saw it. It's got that nice golden caramel colour to it that always looked so smooth and soft under the sun. Her hair is different - it's longer. It's down passed her boobs now. Which have noticeably have grown as well.

"Hi," I mumble, "how are you?" I continuously lick my lips, unsure of how to keep myself from looking completely dumb struck and awkward.

Her eyes drop to study my body. I wish I had put on something a little better, but people always said I pulled off casual dress so well. Her eyes linger a little at my chest and I wonder why. I look down to see that my right sleeve has fallen down my shoulder to expose a bit of my bra.

If I wasn't nervous before I definitely am now. But I don't want her to see it. Just like she doesn't want me to know that she feels guilty. I can tell by the way one side of her mouth lifts up and her eyes look at me with more sincerity than I think she knows she owns. I could always tell how she felt by just looking at her, that's probably why she had gotten so afraid of our potential friendship. That's probably why she ran out so fast after we kissed - because from then on she felt vulnerable. I don't think she let people in often and I was one of the lucky ones.

"I'm okay," She finally says, "and you?" Her eyebrows rise up.

"Good," I reply, nodding my head in confirmation. I was feeling good, well I was feeling a lot of things. But Santana didn't ask to tell her every emotion I was feeling.

"You're probably wondering why I'm back," She says and I instantly relax because I didn't even have to ask, she just knew.

I nod and urge her to continue.

"My mom is ill," She says sadly, her eyes turned towards her twiddling thumbs, "I'm only here to see her before she -" Santana's voice fades out and I notice her inhale deeply through her nose to stop her from crying. I don't think she was planning to cry and she does well at keeping her emotions inside.

I didn't want to see her cry, especially not now. This is the first time I've seen her in 4 years and seeing her cry wouldn't be the best welcome back.

I don't really think I'm even ready to welcome her back yet. I'm getting all these feelings I used to when I would stare at her while she danced or sung or just stood there like she is now.

"Sorry," I say a little louder than a whisper. I'm not good in dealing with other peoples sad situations, because I normally make an irrelevant comment to brighten their day. But that's only if we're close and Santana isn't close with me, not anymore. She never really was. She smiles appreciatively and just as I'm about to smile back - because her smile is infectious - a tall blonde woman exits the trailer.

She has glasses like Santana has and clothes of the same expense. If Rachel was here she would explode from jealousy. I think she would go as far to distract them with her rendition of New York State of Mind and eventually sneak into their trailer and steal their riches.

"Who's this babe?" She asks, running her hands possessively across Santana's shoulders then down her back and crossing a foot over the other.

I instantly know what's going on between them. I have seen people, couples, touch each other like that on television and I'd always wanted something similar for myself. My feet tap against the gravel as I awkwardly wait for Santana to answer. She doesn't though and I can tell by her ducked head that she feels guilty. But she shouldn't, because we weren't even friends. If I keep telling myself that I'll probably start hating myself. Just because we kissed and she took my virginity does not me I gained the right to care or feel jealous.

"I'm Brittany," I say, stepping forward and placing a hand out. She nods and shakes my hand, saying her name is Rosie. After letting go her eyes flicker down to my feet. I look down and notice how dirty my sneakers are. Unlike her billion dollar heels. I can hear her laugh but I'm embarrassed to look up. Then I hear Santana whisper something to her. It sounds like 'go inside'. I look up to them. Rosie places a light kiss to Santana's cheek and whispers something in her ear before heading inside the other trailer and closing the door.

I'm closer to Santana now because I had to introduce myself to Rosie. She's still not looking at me so I decide to leave her to her thoughts and walk towards my truck. I'm only three steps gone when I hear her voice again.

"I'm sorry," she says. I can tell there's a bit of reluctance in the way she says it, almost like she forced herself too. I don't like when people apologize to me. Especially when it's been 4 years since they've seen me. And she didn't have anything to apologize for. If she didn't feel anything when we had sex, then she should not feel the need to say sorry. Maybe she knows I felt something. But sex doesn't always involve feelings and it definitely didn't mean we were anything more than friends.

"Me too," I mumble, with my back to her still.

"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye," she adds the last part because I don't think she heard my reply.

I decide to turn around and notice that her eyes look like mini swimming pools.

"It's weird seeing you like you this," I say, "I didn't expect you to come back, because I didn't think anything mattered here to you," I add, staring her straight in the eye. I bite when my lip when I see her nod and know that she agrees with me.

Nothing did matter to her. Not me, not the cheerios, not Sue Sylvester. She really did mean it when she said she's going to be selfish for once.

"I didn't realise at the time but a lot more mattered to me than I led on," she replies and proves my thoughts wrong.

She takes a step forward, brushing a hand through her hair and blowing out a long breath. Her hair looks so silky I wish I could run my fingers through it all day. If I could get one wish right now though, I'd wish to kiss Santana all day. Her hair is still great though.

"We can start fresh," I suddenly say and her eyes pop up to look at mine. I hold promise in my eyes and I know by the slight smile on her lips that she sees that promise. Seeing her happy means more to me than making her feel bad for how she made me feel. Because in the end it isn't her fault, it's mine for feeling that way.

"I'm going to the bar tomorrow at around 6; it's where Quinn and Rachel work. You're welcome to come?" It ends up sounding like a question. I pout my bottom lip and internally correct myself before waiting for an answer.

She finds it amusing because I hear a soft giggle escape her lips. She nods her head and I nod mine in agreement. There's nothing else left to say and I feel that the conversation has ended. So I turn on my heels and skip towards my truck. When I get inside I look in the mirror above me to see that Santana is slowly retreating into the trailer Rosie entered before.

She's at the door when she looks towards my truck and I immediately look away and start the engine. I realise why Santana's mom needed a delivery - because she's too sick to go shopping anymore. I hope she does get better, because Santana looked really worn out and I preferred confident, happy Santana before - just not the part of her that ignored me.

But I have no place in making her happy anymore; Rosie has got that job now. She didn't have to say it but I could tell they were together. I want to ask Santana how she realised she was gay and if our kiss had helped her realise it. If it did, that's the reason she showed up at my house. It probably took her weeks to realise. So I was right. Maybe I'll ask tomorrow night since we'll be at a bar. She might have a few drinks and tell me everything.

Suddenly I'm excited but also terrified at the same time. I can't fall for her again.


	3. The mess

**authors note; **any mistakes are my own.

**disclaimer; **I do not own Glee or it's characters.

* * *

I didn't have a great sleep. I dreamt I was in a white room with wallpaper that changed colours continuously. I should google what that means. I can hear mom's new truck roar to life outside. She loves that thing. As soon as dad died she devoted most of her spare time to buying new parts for her truck because she gave me her old one that still ran reasonably well.

Sam and her spent a lot of time together during that time because they both shared an interest in automobile's. I never understood their fancy car words at the dinner table. I smiled though. I didn't want my mom to think I was jealous that we didn't share anything like that, because I was just grateful I have them both. The second my eyes opened this morning I forgot Santana had returned. But then the first thought that came to my mind after waking up was her. She made me curious. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to know about Rosie because she's pretty and seems like she is the rich guy Santana always wanted.

If Santana has everything she's dreamed of, then I'm not really necessary am I? If she needs me though, to help her with her mother then I definitely will. Other than delivering groceries to her trailer, I don't think I'll be needed.

"Beat you Britt!" My brother screams from the hallway. He is such a competitor. I was chopping onions once in the kitchen and he stole one and started chewing on, challenging me to do the same. When I told him he was crazy he started crying and laughing at the same time. Then I started laughing because he was actually swallowing the onion. My mom didn't think it was funny. We needed those onions.

"Whatever," I groan and rip the sheets off of me. I don't normally shower in the morning anyway so that's one point for Brittany. I put on some running gear and head outside toward the diner. My shoelaces aren't tied up but I make sure that I don't trip by lifting my feet really high when I walk. I look weird to other people but at least I won't fall.

Once I enter the diner my nose is filled with the finest bacon and eggs in the entire world. I can't confirm that, but it's just my opinion. Workers are rushing passed me because breakfast is the busiest time of the day here. I normally get here a bit later during the day, so I don't witness the breakfast rush. But because I didn't sleep well I had to wake up and make use of the day. I start work in an hour.

The counter in the diner is like a square so it takes up the middle of the room. Then there are tables for customers all around it. From where I'm standing I can see the other side of the room. I can see Santana holding Rosie's waist as they order. I look like a weirdo in my hoodie just staring at them, mostly Santana. She looks up and stares back at me before I can look away. I hold her gaze for a few more seconds before faltering and smiling in embarrassment. I see her giggle and when I walk around the counter to her, she lets go of Rosie.

"Hey," I direct my greeting to both Santana and Rosie.

"Morning," Santana replies with a crooked smile. It looks like she's trying to hold back a really big grin. I don't think she wants Rosie to see her smile this big, but I don't know why though. It's not like Santana is hiding anything from her. Well I wouldn't really know because I only just saw Santana again, so she could be hiding a million things. In four years people could have murdered, got married, had babies, run for president. But Santana's not with child and she doesn't have a ring on her finger. So if she does have a secret I'm sure it's small.

"Hey," I repeat by accident. Santana's lips pinch together. She's trying not to smile again. Rosie's eyeing me up and down. I just notice as I flicker my eyes off of Santana to her. Her lips press into a straight line so it's half of a smile I think. "Um, what are you guys getting?"

"Oh I'm not getting anything," Rosie replies cooly, brushing the hair off her shoulder. She should be in a shampoo commercial. Santana stares at Rosie annoyingly then back to me.

"Do you eat?" I blurt out. Rosie's left eyebrow shoots up her forehead. I realise the realise the negative meaning behind what I said and quickly apologize. "Sorry I didn't mean it like that."

"Ofcourse I eat! Just not the food here," She adds cruelly. Her eyes shoot lasers at the chefs and waiters. Santana's still staring at me with her jaw hanging. She manages to gather her jaw back up and clear her throat. It seems like Santana is intimidated by her own girlfriend. Like she's walking on eggshells around her because if she doesn't act sophisticated then Rosie might get angry. Rosie seems really high class. Her body barely has any curves and her make up probably has 5 layers to it.

But maybe when Santana wakes up next to her in the morning, she tells Rosie how beautiful she is without make up. The thought of that makes my stomach knot.

"Rosie is vegetarian," Santana interjects, "she ate some fruit salad back at the trailer." I don't know why she felt the need to add that, but I smile at her nevertheless. I realise I haven't ordered yet and turn to the counter. One of the chef's approach me and I order a brekkie wrap to go.

"I'm going to get a table outside, it's a bit stuffy in here." By her tone I think she wanted to say something a little more brutal than 'stuffy'. Rosie's hair flows behind her as she walks out of the diner, leaving Santana and I alone. I don't know what to talk about now. Should we talk more about breakfast or should I ask her how Hollywood is? I'm not sure we're at that point yet. She hasn't even confirmed to me whether her and Rosie are girlfriends. Maybe she doesn't care or suspects I have already guessed they are.

"I'm excited for tonight."

"Huh?" My voice is breathless for some reason. I don't know why my voice is barely audible. I think staring at Santana took my breath away, literally.

"Tonight, the bar? It's still on right?" There's concern in her voice that proves to me that Santana really wants to come tonight.

"Yes! Definitely," I pause and click my tongue, "you can bring Rosie if you like. I mean, what is she going to do alone in a trailer," I joke. Santana immediately shakes her head and I grow confused.

"She'll take care of my mom, it'll only be for a few hours." Crap I completely forgot about her mom.

"Santana, you don't have to force yourself to come tonight, your mom isn't well you should be caring for her."

"Brittany," Santana's eyebrows raise in defiance, "my mom was the one who urged me to go because she needed space from me. I know right," she laughs, "I've been back a day and already my mom wants space." I start laughing with her aswell.

"Well I hope she feels better and if you need anyone to be with her while you're busy I can totally help." She grins at me and her teeth almost knock me out with their brightness. Hollywood people have amazing teeth. "How's being a superstar?"

Her grin falters and for a while she just stares at me. Her eyes glaze over until it looks like she's about to faint. She's paled dramatically. I touch her arm and she flinches. "Sorry the heat must have hit me for a second, what did you ask?"

"No it's okay," I blush, "I was just wondering how-"

"Bacon and egg burger!" One of the chefs yells and grabs our attention. Santana smiles at him, throwing a $10 bill his way.

"Keep the change." He grins excitedly at her.

"And here's your brekkie wrap Brittany!"

"Thanks Ken," I reply, giving him the correct amount of cash and placing the wrap under my arm. Santana's grinning again. It's like she's forgotten what has just happened.

"What are you smiling at?" I had no idea I was smiling back the entire time.

"Oh, just you," I say honestly. Her lips disappear inside her mouth as she wets them. My eyes can't help but to chase them and I wonder how they taste after all of this time. I wonder if they have been tainted by Rosie's lips. Well if they are together, it's only natural for them to kiss and be couple-like.

"Just me huh?" Santana replies flirtatiously. I nod enthusiastically before feeling a vibration in my pocket. It's my alarm, I have to be at work in 5 minutes. "Boyfriend?" Santana inquires smirking.

"What? No." My eyes almost bulge at Santana's comment. I'm able to notice her relaxed breathing after my confirmation of not being in a relationship. I wonder why she's happy about that. Don't people normally want other people they're friends with too be happy. I'm nice to Rosie, even though I'd rather be in her position holding Santana's hand and kissing her.

"You're blushing."

"I'm not."

"Yeah huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Brittany."

"Santana," I reply challengingly. She looks amused, but walks passed me towards the door.

"I'll see you tonight," She calls over her shoulder. Yay, she's definitely as excited as I am. I practically skip out of the diner and onto the gravel towards work. My shift is until 4 and then I'm free to get ready for the bar tonight. Rachel and Quinn will most likely be shocked that Santana's going to be there. They'll be more shocked to learn I invited her, because I've never mentioned Santana to them ever.

They didn't really mention Santana either. Only bringing her up every time Quinn spoke about the cheerios and Rachel about getting slushied by the popular group. One of them was Santana, but she never slushied anyone. Rachel didn't have to tell me that. It was something I observed from a far during high school. She would always stand at the back of the pack, acting like she was one of them but never really wanted to be there. Not that I would know the truth behind Santana's high school disguise, I was never in her shoes. I hope I'm right though. I'm normally right about people.

* * *

Jerry could tell I was feeling anxious during my shift. As soon as I walked into the grocery store I began to panic because the realisation I was going to see Santana tonight hit me like a pickle jar being smashed against my head. Jerry decided to put some music on that wasn't a whistle playing a happy tune. He even let me go through his nano and choose the song.

I picked All that I've Got by The Used but Jerry instantly shook his head as a family entered the store. I walked up to him with a frown. "But you said any song and you had this on your iPod?"

"My son borrowed my nano for a week and I think he put some of his rock songs on there." I laughed, which got the attention from the family. Jerry nudged me over to the iPod again and I sighed disappointedly. I scrolled through the songs again and found a more friendly one.

_Celebrate good times come on! _I sang along as I unloaded some crates with jars of different smelling food in them. I know what Jerry would say to me if I was near him and this song was still playing. It isn't new years. But I don't think it has to be a special occasion for this song to play. When I'm in a sad mood next I'll play this song and prove Jerry wrong.

My feet tap lightly against the floor as I stock the jars on the shelves. A boy aged a little younger than Sam approaches me in the isle. His eyes flicker with something mischievous. It could have been something else, but with kids this age you can't expect something to go right. That's mean, I should give him the benefit of the dou-

"NO!" One crate full of jars is knocked to the ground and the contents spills everywhere. I can feel the stickiness of the pickle juice hit my knees and I slide backwards on my butt. I knock into someone behind me and slowly turn around.

Jerry should run for the local council. I always thought he had a face for power and hard work. I could picture the same look he is giving me now on a big poster. I don't think families would vote for him though, he looks really scary and their kids might be afraid of him. "It was that kid!" I know I shouldn't be blaming my stock for crashing against the floor and spilling everywhere but that kid looked so rebellious I doubt he would care if he got in trouble.

"What kid?" I frown and turn around, ready to point. But there's no one there. Darn.

"He was right there, he was the kid of that family that came in before!" I speak desperately, hoping Jerry would believe me.

Jerry unfolds his arms and helps me to my feet. "You'll stay an hour after your shift ends."

"What?"

"No arguments Brittany!" He yells over his shoulder as he makes his way back to the front counter. I grumble and walk to the store room to grab a mop. One of the other workers Terri pops into the store and notices the mess on the floor.

"Did someone have an accident?" She teases. I step around her with the mop but she stops me,"you have to pick up the glass first sweetie." I blush from embarrassment but hide my face. These are the types of moments I hate. The moments when I'm clumsy and follow it up with a stupid action. But Terri is nice enough to not make fun of me. She is 20 years older then me anyway.

"April used to do this didn't she?" Terri nods and laughs.

"She was the older version of you, except I'm sure you're not an alcoholic, right?" Her eyes are wide and piercing through mine. I step back and shake my head robotic-like. "Good. She was clumsy but very intelligent. She just didn't know how to use her intelligence," She looks off into the distance, "especially with men. They were her one downfall."

"Why wasn't she good with men?" I ask innocently, hoping to not over step any invisible boundary Terri may have set up.

"She put herself first," Terri shrugs, "her dreams were bigger then any relationship and she acted selfish and chased them."

"But sometimes being selfish isn't a bad thing right?"

She turns to me and pours the broken glass into a bucket. "That's right. All women have the right to put their dreams in front of their love. But sometimes it backfires, just like it did for April. People are calling her a washed up old Broadway wannabe with no real talent except for getting drunk in 5 minutes."

"Holly followed her dreams and made it."

"That's also right, but Holly knew how to use her intelligence correctly," She winks at me then carries the bucket outside. I miss Holly, she was really good to me when my mom was dealing with my dad's death. She even let my brother come over for dinner once. Holly's best friend Cassandra wasn't as lucky as her but still more lucky than April. She's been working at the dance studio since I was a teenager but we never spoke because I don't think she knew why I would always sit on the corner. One time I thought I heard her ask a student if I was like that Becky Jackson girl. I wanted to say something to her but because she hadn't seen me dance I don't think she would have been intimidated.

Becky was nice. She was completely misunderstood. She knew how to use her intelligence. She moved to Columbus after graduating. We never spoke or hung out in the same area, but I bought her a cupcake once when she didn't have any money. Her face lit up so bright I swear she swallowed a light bulb.

But Cassandra was kind of my idol. Even though her personality was a little dry and very cruel towards the younger students. She was still determined to make her students the best that they could be.

Terri enters the shop again and cringes when she tip toes passed me. "I'll be done soon," I call out to her and she waves her hand. I quickly mop up the juice and then grab a roll of paper towel to dry it up. Soon enough the floor looks as good as new. I pick up the empty crate and place it in the store room. Terri is painting her nails a really bright orange colour. It works with her skin tone.

"Anything exciting happening in your life?" She asks, while she stares at her nails.

"Not really," I think about Santana and shake my head, "well nothing _that _exciting."

She eyes me curiously. "So, still something exciting?" I pulls my lips into my mouth and she kicks her foot against my shin, "come on, tell me what's happening in the life of one Brittany Pierce."

"You sound like the narrator of a British mystery show," I deadpan.

"Sweetie, if I was the narrator of a British mystery show I would not be here talking to you. I wouldn't be talking to anyone just to preserve my thick, mysterious vibrato." We laugh loudly and receive an evil eye from Jerry.

"Only a few more hours until I finish," I breathe out as we walk back down the isle. I can see people outside with their sunglasses and hats on. The hats are really dorky with their wide brims. So it has to be really hot outside to want to wear them.

"So you'll tell me after your shift what is so exciting?" Terri asks with an excited grin.

"Nope, I have plans."

"Do those plans happen to be exciting?" She squints her eyes at me.

"Well, I'm excited but nervous. Does that mean the plans are exciting if I'm excited about them?" I meant to say that in my head. Luckily Terri doesn't laugh, she just punches my shoulder and purses her lips.

"As long as you have a good time." She turns on her heels and struts out of the store, grabbing the attention of Jerry for about 4 seconds before he stares back at the large man at the counter. He seems really flushed, but maybe that's from the heat. Although the air conditioner is on in here and it's really cool. Maybe Jerry thinks Terri is hot. She is attractive for an older woman. I think she would hit me if I told her that.

I'm suddenly more excited about tonight. Knowing April, she'll be at the bar flirting with an older businessman. Not that there are many of them here in Lima. Al Motta was probably the richest man around, before he sent himself and his daughter Sugar to singing classes in New York with some famous instructor who works at NYADA. That's the school Rachel auditioned for.

I guess I can chat with April and maybe get some advice. She always gave the best advice, especially after a few drinks. Her advice was either about men and relationships or what kind of drinks go with what meal. Maybe I could ask her about the drinks thing and then I'll tell my mom so she doesn't have to go to the bar to drink anymore, she can just drink at the table during dinner. I could even drink with her.

My mom doesn't like drinking with me or around me. I think she wants me to be her little girl still that isn't allowed to do any of that stuff yet. I don't really like the taste of some alcohol. Mainly bourbon. I like vodka and raspberry and cold beer on a hot day. I should buy a bottle of wine for my mom and then we can have some at dinner tonight.

I walk to the fridge at the back of the store. I scan the shelves of alcohol and find a cheap, pretty looking bottle. When I turn around I can see Jerry frowning at me. "What's the special occasion?" He asks.

"I'm going to have a drink with my mom." He eyebrows shoot up.

"I see. Well, any profit is a good profit," He says, taking the bottle from my hands and scanning it. I give him the money and he puts the bottle under the counter. I thank him and then get back to work. "Wait Brittany," I turn back around to Jerry, "since I'm keeping you a little later you can have your break now. 25 minutes!"

"Awesome!" I squeal. I run to the freezer where the ice creams are kept. I grab an icy pole and throw some change on the counter for Jerry before running out of the store. As soon as the cold treat hits my lips I feel refreshed. Since stepping out in the sun I've felt like I was going to melt. But I'm staying in the shade as I walk around on an empty field behind the store. In the distance I can see two people walking closely together.

I suck on the icy pole and lean back against the wall. I'm unable to take my eyes off the pair, especially when I realise who they are. Santana and Rosie are holding hands. I regret inviting her tonight. I regret telling her to bring Rosie. I can't un-invite them now. So maybe I'll just not go. There's something not really romantic about their relationship though. Aren't people supposed to be paying attention to each other when they hold hands. Rosie is looking through her phone and Santana's eyes are off in the distance.

I shake my head and sigh. I'll have to go tonight, I can't be a coward about this. Plus a part of me really wants to see Santana up close again, even though I just saw her this morning. I really like being around her. If Rosie is there though, I don't think I would like it as much. They are really hot together.

* * *

I walk into my house with the bottle of wine under my arm and a four pack of cherry cola for Sam. He sees me from the living room and claps his hands so fast.

"Woo, thanks Britt!"

"No problem," I say quietly, not knowing where my mom is. I want to surprise her.

"Britt is that you?" I walk in the direction of her voice and find her chopping up vegetables. I thinks she's making soup tonight.

"Smells really good, mom," I compliment. She's a really good cook, even if it's a simple meal. She loves when people compliment her, "I got you a present."

She stops chopping and notices the wine in my hands. I hold it out for her to take but she turns around. I think she's going to tell her me off but she's only turning around to wash her hands. She then turns back to me and smiles. "Thanks," She says quietly.

"We could have some together, during dinner?" Her smile fades a little and she just stares at the wine.

"You share that with your friends sweetheart," She suggests softly and continues chopping some carrots. I pinch my lips together and rub my eyes with one hands. I feel like crying, only because I thought this would make my mom happy. I think it did, just not the part about sharing it with me.

"No, you can just have it when you feel like." I place the bottle on the bench and go into the dining room to sit at the table. Sam is already in his seat, sipping on his second soda.

"How was work?" I frown.

"You never ask me how work is."

"Yeah but Jake was skyping with his older brother one time and asked him how work was." That would have been an awkward conversation for a kid to have with his older brother. I heard from Rachel who heard from Finn Hudson before he left for the army that Noah was working as a pool cleaner in California and regularly had sex with the mom's he worked for. At least he made it out of Lima. I would love to be in California. I wonder if Santana and him ran into each other.

"So if Jake asked his brother to send him liquor you would ask me that aswell?"

"Gosh Brittany I was just trying to be nice." He pokes his tongue out at me.

"Brittany stop teasing your brother," My mom sighs as she sets the pot of soup in the middle of the table. She wipes the sweat off her brow and walks back into the kitchen. I grab the spoon first and poke my tongue out at Sam. He crosses his arms defensively. My mom walks back in and sets a wine glass in front of me. I place the spoon in the pot and eye her curiously.

She then pops open the wine and pours me half a glass. I grin as she pours herself some aswell. I don't care if we need alcohol to share something, I'm glad we are. I look up at the clock and it says it's almost 6. I have to still shower and dress nicely. I slurp on the soup as fast as I can and half of it spurts out of my mouth onto the table.

My brother laughs before accidentally knocking his soda onto the ground. It fizzes and shoots out of the can. I can't help but laugh aswell.

"That's what you get Sammy!" I tease. I look over to my mom and she makes no move to get up. It's understandable, I can't expect her to clean everything in the house when it's not her fault. "Sam, go get a cloth."

He rolls his eyes but does as he's told. I don't think he'll ever get used to me bossing him around. I can't really get used to the fact I'm over 21 and working at a grocery store. I would be disappointed in myself if I was my friend or parent. But I'm lucky to have support. My mom loves the fact I boss Sam around. It shows my maturity apparently.

After we're all finished, Sam runs to the lounge room to watch cartoons. I help mom with the plates but she shoves me away. "Don't worry honey, you get ready for tonight."

I kiss her cheek before running to my room. I smell pretty bad. I should have taken nice smelling spray to work today. Maybe I could have used it on the floor so that it doesn't smell like pickle juice. I'll bring it on my next shift.

I grab my towel and jump in the shower. After 10 minutes I step out, dry my hair but keep it wavy. I like how it looks when it's wavy. My mom always said I look like a surfer girl. I grab a pair of faded blue jeans and black boots. I'm pretty sure the heat is gone outside and it's cool as it gets darker. I throw on a long plain white singlet with a black cardigan over the top. I put on some red lipstick and grab my purse. I check the time and it's 6:30pm.

Just as I'm zipping my purse up I hear a knock at the door. I hope it's not Terri thinking I was still going to tell her my exciting thing that's happening. I leave my room and look towards the front door. Santana is standing there smiling at my mom before she spots me. Her smile disappears as her eyes fall down my body to analyse my outfit. At least I think that's what her eyes are doing. I feel a little uncomfortable so I clear my throat and step next to my mom.

"You're the Hollywood girl?" My mom turns towards me, "Brittany it's the Hollywood girl!" I notice Santana's expression remain forcefully poised.

"Mom, please," I say to keep her quiet. She understands and just grins back at Santana one more time before retreating to the lounge room. "What are you doing here?"

"Rachel and Quinn were wondering why you were so late so I offered to look for you."

"Is Rosie with your mom?" I should have said thank you, but I had to go and talk about Rosie. If she didn't know I was jealous before she would definitely realise now.

"Yep. Why?"

"I um, just thought you left her alone. She doesn't know anyone," I make up lamely. Santana laughs and walks backwards. I follow her and notice that she didn't drive here.

"We can take my truck."

"Or we could walk." She doesn't give me a chance to reply because turns around and skips off into the night. I grin and follow her, speed walking until I'm by her side.

I was right. It is cool. The breeze is refreshing. Standing close to Santana is refreshing. She's kicking the gravel under her boots. Her hands are in her pockets making her elbow stick out and bump into me sometimes.

"Tonight should be fun."

"You look beautiful." I stop and turn to her. I bite my top lip and watch her face flush. She's embarrassed. I'm normally the one that gets embarrassed. She takes her right hand out of her pocket and reaches up to brush her palm through my hair. I swallow hard and watch her hand retract to her side.

"I- thank you." I show her a half smile before turning and continuing to walk towards the bar. Her hands stay in her pockets the entire way there. "You look really beautiful too Santana."

"Thanks," she barely mumbles, "nothing has really changed," She adds jokingly. I swat at her arm and she runs off. We make it to the door of the bar and we're both out of breath. As soon as we step inside I see Rachel and Quinn waving at us. Well I think they're waving at me, because they have already seen Santana.

"Girl!" I jump and knock into Santana at the loud voice in my ear. It's April. She's holding a glass with a colourful straw hanging out of it. "Where've you been girly!?"

"I know, I'm sorry I haven't been here in a while."

"Yeah you're busy stealin' my job!" She squeals and laughs, pulling Santana and I into a hug. Santana stares at me over April's shoulder. She looks terrified and I giggle.

"Well I did spill some stuff today so I've probably already got a warning for that," I reply.

She laughs and slaps my arm. "Come to the bar, we'll have a drink together."

"Oh I'm actually meeting friends, but maybe later?" She rolls her eyes but then winks at me and stumbles back over to the bar. I turn to Santana who is looking really amused at the whole situation. I punch her arm lightly and am glad we can be this comfortable around her. I think if Rosie was here she would be hanging off of Santana's arm and I wouldn't be able to talk to her alone.

"I'm glad you're here." She grins at me and leans into my ear.

"Me too." She then grabs my hand and tugs me over to Rachel and Quinn. I forgot they were calling us over before and probably had been watching everything. I see Quinn's eyes checking out our hands and I immediately let go and pretend it's because I'm going to sit down. I don't want any assumptions or accusations from Quinn tonight, or ever. I just want to catch up with Santana.

Santana grabs a menu and chooses a drink to order. "What are you drinking?" She turns to me.

"Um, vodka and raspberry?" I don't know why I tend to ask things when I'm around her. They should just be statements. Darn.

"I'm going to have the same!" Rachel states, slapping her hand on top of mine. I turn to Quinn.

"Is she already drunk?" I whisper so only she can hear.

"I am not!" Rachel squeals. Crap.

"Sorry, you're just really enthusiastic."

"She's always like that," Quinn interjects, smirking.

Quinn goes to the bar after getting all of our orders. Rachel is called over by her boss and politely excuses herself.

"So they work here?" I nod, "I thought we were all hanging out. How is that going to work if they're at other tables taking orders and serving drinks?" She asks laughing. I smile and shift in my seat, placing my hands under my butt. I don't know why I find this comfortable.

"Yeah, I don't think they have realised how full this place can get at night."

"How long have they been working here?"

"Quinn four years, Rachel three." She nods and rubs her pointer finger across the table drawing random patterns.

"How long have you been working at the grocery store?" That just proved she was the one at the store that ran away. I'll answer first then ask questions.

"Today is my second day on the job," I say proudly. She laughs and rests her head on her hand. She looks at me for a while before speaking again.

"I honestly didn't expect to see you in Lima still. That's why I ran out of the store like a coward."

"Okay," I mumble. I didn't have to ask her.

"I really thought you would be a famous dancer or something," She says making me blush. I look down at the table but the feeling of her fingers on my shoulder make me look back towards her.

"Thanks." She smiles and removes her hand. I let out a long breath. Rachel returns with our drinks and we both gulp them down in sync. She finishes hers faster than me then orders another two for us. I know I'm a light weight, so I'll probably get wasted before Santana does. I hope she doesn't feel the need to take care of me, because I can get a little needy and crazy. That was what Quinn mentioned once anyway.

Quinn joins us again with a cloth over her shoulder. She wipes her forehead and grins at Santana. "So how is fame treating you?"

I don't think Santana had the time to tell Quinn and Rachel why she is here. I should have filled them in. I've noticed so far that Santana doesn't like talking about fame or Hollywood.

"Uh," She stutters out, "well it was fun." _Was? _

"Did you meet any celebrities?" Rachel suddenly appears. I squint my eyes at her and she shrugs innocently.

I watch Santana down another drink. She looks for a waitress that isn't Quinn or Rachel and when one catches her eye she raises a finger. A minute later a glass is put in front of her. We didn't talk about her fame anymore.

"Who wants to dance?" Santana says a little slower than normal. I sense the alcohol is getting to her, because she's drinking way too quickly.

"Are you alright?"

"Sure I am!" She stands up and holds her hands out for Quinn and Rachel, "we never danced in high school let's make up for lost time."

"We actually have work to do but we'll find you guys later," Rachel says. Her and Quinn walk towards the bar and immediately get ambushed but a group of big guys wanting more beer.

I'm still sitting at our table until I feel a pair of arms scoop me up. "Woah."

"C'mon Britt," Santana whispers in my ear. I allow her to drag me to where a crowd is forming on the dance floor.

I know I can dance better than I am, Santana knows it too. But I choose to sway lamely from side to side while Santana flings her hair in every direction. Her shirt rises every time she jumps and it makes my head spin. A waitress passes by and I lift my hand in the same way Santana did when she ordered a drink. A minute later I've downed it and I'm closer to Santana.

Her fingertips graze my waist as we're now moving at the same speed. Santana steps forward again and I look up to watch her expression. Her eyes are hooded and shiny. They're like mini pools again. Pools of chocolate. I feel a weight between my legs and I break our eye contact to see what it is. Santana's thigh. I'm practically riding her thigh.

I look back up at her and she runs her hands across my stomach. I tense under her touch and I think I hear her laugh. She's drunk and enjoying having me at her feet, under her spell. I hate this. I hate feeling like she has a hold over me. She had me once, then left without a goodbye. I can't do this again.

"Don't," I say firmly, just as the music fades out. Her arms fall by her sides and she frowns at me.

"Brittany I'm sorry."

"You can't do that to me again, you know how much I want- wanted you."

"No, I don't," She responds confused. She seems genuinely confused about what I said and I don't think it's the alcohol that is making her confused.

"You did. You knew I wanted you, I k-kissed you." I hate feeling so vulnerable. Santana's hand finds my own and she leads me through the crowd into the bathroom. We're in there for about 5 seconds before she speeds off into one of the cubicles. I can hear her vomit in the toilet and quickly rush behind her to hold back her hair.

"'Mm sorry," She mumbles.

"Sh, it's okay Santana. We're okay." I rub her back soothingly until she thinks she's not going to puke anymore. She leans back against the wall and I move back to give her some space. We're both sitting on the tiled floor in silence when she finally speaks.

"Gotta go home." I nod and help her to her feet. Once we have found Rachel and Quinn I let them know Santana is too drunk to stay so I'm taking her home. They ask if I'm going to come back after I drop her home but I shake my head. I'm no longer in the mood.

* * *

I should have brought my car. I've been carrying Santana for 10 minutes. She's not heavy, not at all. But the fact we have to travel over a hill to get to her trailer is plain bad luck. She's been groaning the entire time. The only words she actually said were 'I'm sorry'. I kept telling her it's okay, even if it isn't.

Once we're over the hill I put her on the ground for a moment to catch my breath. She can barely stand up so I keep my arms around her waist. I sit back on the grass and put her next to me. I slowly retract my arms from her waist and she manages to sit up right.

"How are you feeling?"

"Pretty crap," She mutters honestly, "I'm okay to walk the rest of the way, it's only just there."

"Are you sure?" I don't really want to leave her, but I need to think and I can't think about Santana and our situation when she's right there. Now she's looking at me and smiling lazily.

"I'm sure. Thank you so much for this," She whispers. Her hand twitches in her lap. She wants to touch me, I just don't know where. So I reach my hand up and squeeze her forearm. Her eyes watch my hand until I pull away. "Be safe." I nod and push off of the ground to run up the hill. I hope she doesn't end up falling asleep on the hill.

I stop halfway up and watch as the light outside the trailer flickers on. Santana is tapping on the door of her trailer. Rosie opens the door and doesn't even hug Santana. If I was her girlfriend and I didn't see her for a couple of hours I would hug her so tight. Rosie just walks back inside, leaving the door open for Santana to come in.

Maybe this is normal for them - Rosie staying home and Santana going to get drunk with friends. Maybe because Santana didn't expect me here, there routine is ruined. Nothing has been normal since Santana returned. The fact that she won't talk about her time in Hollywood makes me think she's ashamed of something. I want to know why, but I'll wait for her to say it.


	4. The liftoff

**Disclaimer; I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

* * *

In my opinion, the worst feeling in the world is being ignored. It's worse than being told you aren't worth anything or you're stupid. Being ignored makes me feel invisible. When I'm being ignored by someone I like, it makes me feel dead - like I don't even exist anymore. I'm trying to be a good person. And I was a good person three nights ago when I returned Santana safely to her mother and Rosie. Santana hasn't thanked me because I haven't been around her mother's trailer since I dropped her off. I don't think she wants to thank me. Not because she's a bad person, because she's not. She has a too much pride.

She hasn't visited the store. It's always Rosie who comes to collect groceries for them. I want to ask if Santana is okay, but I'm sure Rosie hasn't been filled in with the extent of our past so I don't want her to get suspicious and think there is still something going on, that's why I'm so concerned and asking her about Santana. Once again, I have no right to be concerned. It's all Rosie's job now.

No wonder why Santana likes her. She's gorgeous. Model weight. Model height. She's edgy too - something you would never see around Lima. Apart from Quinn's punk phase in senior year which I never got to speak to her about. I should call her and tell her to dye her hair bright pink again.

Rosie would probably look good with pink hair. When she left the store she didn't get into any truck, so I knew Santana wasn't hiding outside. I would definitely be angry about that. Nothing even happened at the bar that could make our friendship awkward. If we even have a friendship now. We danced. Close. Really, really close. It was wonderful.

There was something pulling both of us back though. Like someone tugging us away from each other. I knew that for me it was what I has experienced with Santana in the past. I had no idea what it was for Santana. Maybe she knew she would hurt me again. I wish I could talk to someone about this. Quinn would know exactly what to say, but she is always with Rachel. And knowing Rachel, she will make the biggest deal about it. She would probably march over to Santana's trailer and threaten to get her a record deal or else she'll tell people about us.

I don't see how that would be bad though. I guess people would be surprised.

"Brittany, you're going to have to take Sam to the garage this afternoon."

"Sure, mom," I reply tiredly. I had just walked in the door after a six hour shift. I really wanted to find April because I didn't get a chance to talk to her at the bar. These past few days have been really busy. I have barely seen my mom aswell. I think it's because of the weather. We're selling alot of ice cream and popsicles

I put my purse in my room before heading back towards the front door. Sam has his baseball cap on and an oversized and shorts. I flick his hat up and he swipes his hand to hit me but I dodge it quickly and run to the truck.

"If you see April at the bar tell her to come over soon okay?" I ask. My mom waves at us in the doorway. She nods in response and then retreats inside.

"What the hell are you going to do at a garage with me, you're a girl."

"A girl that knows more about motorbikes than you," I say with a smirk as we're driving down the dirt road towards the garage.

"Liar!" When the garage comes into view my brother begins bouncing on his seat. His hands clasp over his seat belt, ready to take it off the moment we stopped. I decided to drive a little further and then turn sharply so as he is bouncing he loses balances and bumps his head on the window.

"You should be careful," I say quietly. Sam just rubs his head and folds his arms in annoyance.

"You're going to be so bored!" Sam teases. His feet tap loudly against the floor of the truck and I pull up just near the entrance. Sam throws himself out of the car and races up to Brett - they have spent the whole summer together basically. I kill the engine and walk over towards Brett's father who is talking to one Kurt Hummel's dad. Kurt was so talented, I'm really happy he got out of Lima.

Burt hasn't been coping the best. My mom and him have a lot in common and Burt tells my mom that I have enough talent to go really far. I don't really know what he's seen me do, but I'm guessing it's dancing. That's all I can do.

"Sammy boy!" Burt yells and ruffles his hair. Sam scrunches his face but hi 5's the man. "Hello there Brittany, haven't see you around here lately."

"Mom was busy so I had to bring Sam."

"Don't get so excited to visit a lonely old man," He jokes, but somewhere in his voice is complete sadness. Sadness which he won't allow to come to the surface in front of anyone. Sadness because Kurt followed his dreams and made it. Sometimes I think Burt wanted Kurt to fail his audition just so he could stay and it wouldn't directly be Burt's fault. They were the closest family in Lima and the smallest. I could imagine why Burt would want his son to stay with him.

"How is the garage going?"

"Well enough," he sighs sadly, "not really a lot of mouths to feed at home anymore so any profit is good profit." That's exactly what Jerry said. So many people think the same in this town because there isn't much more that any of us have experienced.

"The boys have run off again," Brett's father states.

"They won't get to witness magic then," Burt responds with a laugh. He turns on his heels then pauses, "want to join me Brittany?" I nod, because what the hell else can I do around here. I could pick Sam up later, but Rachel and Quinn are working and there is hardly anything to do unless you have friends.

"This woman came in about 20 minutes ago with three flat tires. She said she was just driving and didn't realise how far she had gone. Next moment she's veering off the road and choking on dust that her tires collected."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's been really patient. I guess she has nothing else to do." Burt picks up a chart and flips back a piece of paper to reveal the name of the customer with the flat tires.

"Santana?"

"Miss. Lopez, yeah. You know her?" Burt side eyes me.

"Yeah, where is she?"

"Out the back with a mechanic. She's making sure he doesn't annoy _her baby _with unnecessary fixings." I laugh and salute him before running off to the back. I don't know exactly what I'm going to say to Santana, but asking about her car is a good start.

I watch her bend down to look at what the mechanic is fixing then roll her eyes and walk outside. "Hey," my voice stops her.

She turns around and steps back a little when I'm closer to her. "Hi."

"How is your car?"

"How did you know there was something wrong with my car?"

"No, well, I brought my little brother here and then Burt explained to me about your situation but I didn't know it was you until I saw the chart and when I saw you I couldn't just walk away, you know? Because we do a lot of walking away without explaining much to each other and I haven't seen you in three days. Three whole days."

Her face is blank. I wonder what she's thinking. Maybe I shouldn't have said so much.

"I've been with my mom." Crap. I mentally slap myself on the head a hundred times. Of course she was taking care of her mom, why am I acting so selfish. She doesn't need to see me everyday.

"I'm so sorry."

"Yeah." It goes silent after that. I don't know if she's mad at me for not realising she was spending time with her mom or she's angry at herself for not letting me know because I took her home after she got really drunk. I don't want her to feel bad though. She already thanked me and that was enough.

Although, I did say a lot of things that brought up the past for us. I think she needed time away from me and also time to take care of her mom.

"I'm happy you ha-"

"Maybe we could-"

We both pause and look down. I don't really want to repeat myself, so I ask her what she said.

"No," she breathes, "you go."

I bite the inner wall of my mouth before speaking. "I'm happy you have Rosie." Santana's eyebrows pinch together as if she wasn't expecting me to say that at all. My lips twitch to speak again but I don't want just anything to slip out of my mouth. "I um, I'm happy you're happy." I smile with my eyes so that she doesn't think I'm weird. I'm glad I got that out, now I can wait for her to speak.

"Maybe we could hang out later, just us."

"Yes." I didn't even have to think about the answer. I wanted it to be just since the bar because we spoke so comfortably then. Despite when I said some bad things while we were dancing. But maybe this time I'll have a chance to explain myself. I won't suggest we have a drink, so then she can talk to me without any influence. "I have an idea."

A small smile begins to appear on her lips. "Sounds great."

"I just have to stay here until Sam is ready to go home otherwise my mom will get angry."

"She seemed really excited to see me. I didn't even know we met before."

My breath is shaky when I exhale. "It's my fault. I talked about you to her."

"What did you say?" Santana seems genuinely interested. Even if I had said bad things to my mom about her I think Santana wouldn't mind. I bet she's wondering if I told my mom I lost my virginity to her.

"I said that you danced at the studio and you were a really good singer-" something flashes across her features, like she's picturing the day when she sang to me and afterwards we kissed. I think about it every night. "-because you made it to Hollywood and got a record deal."

"I really liked that day, when I sang to you," she's not really looking at me when she's says it, "because I hadn't sung to anyone before."

"There were a lot of things you did with me that you never did with anyone else, right?"

Santana nods and grins to herself as her eyes find the floor. "Well we can catch up on everything I've done without you, later." I smirk and nod and she follows me back inside. The mechanic lets Santana know he has one more new tire to fix and then she can get going. He walks further inside the garage to find the tire, leaving us alone again.

I check out Santana's truck, which looks almost as brand new as my mom's. It's way nicer than mine. The paint job isn't fading and the bonnet is barely rusting. I should clean mine while I'm here.

I feel fingers brush away my hair from my neck and suddenly, warm hands are on my shoulders. "You haven't danced in a while have you? You're so tense."

"This might look really sexual if someone walks in."

"Well it's not," I hear her giggle against my neck, "unless you want it to be."

I step forward out of her grip then face her. I don't want to say mean things again. "Why is it when we go back to joking and feeling comfortable that you have to go and say something like that?" My voice is steady and not loud so she can't say that I yelled at her.

"You're the one who said it looked sexual," she retorts, slapping he hands by her sides. The noise annoys my ears and I wince.

"I meant- Ugh never mind. I don't understand how you can make those comments when you're with Rosie."

"Rosie doesn't care," she says simply.

"Of course she does, she's your girlfriend!" Santana laughs, really loudly. Her hands spring up and cover her face. I step forward, because I like seeing her laugh up close.

"Bri-" she chokes on a laugh then breathes slowly, "Brittany, have you ever heard of Hollywood relationships?"

I shake my head. I don't think so.

"Well that's what me and Rosie are. We're not real. I mean we are dating, but it's nothing serious. It's just something to let the paparazzi know we aren't completely alone."

"But there are no paparazzi here," I reply in confusion. This whole situation is weird. They're together, but not really, but really. I have to get Santana to clarify.

"Exactly," she whispers, "why do you think I'm always saying flirty things around you."

"But why me? Why not some other girl. You're acting like nothing happened four years ago and I'm just some girl you've met that you're getting your flirt on with before you have to leave again."

"Brittany. You're not just some girl. I'm not just flirting with you, I'm..." Her eyeballs swirl around in every direction as she tries to think of another way to describe what she's doing.

"You're specialising me. You're making me feel special," I interrupt her thoughts with a proud smile.

"That doesn't really make sense when you call it that, but I am definitely trying to make you feel special."

"So Rosie won't care if I specialise you."

"She's probably specialising someone as we speak." I can't help the frown that forms on my lips. If I was her I would never look at another girl other than Santana.

"I wouldn't specialise other girls, if I was with you."

I turn around when I hear footsteps enter the room. The mechanic is rolling over a tire towards the truck and Santana lights up instantly. She looks like she belongs in the night sky. It doesn't take long until her truck is ready to roll, but Santana doesn't move yet. She offers to help me find my brother and we both walk out of the back onto a field.

Her slip on shoes tackle the gravel while my boots crunch against it with ease. The look on her face tells me she envy's me. We end up on the grass and I can hear a small sigh of relief escape her mouth.

"Where does he normally go?" Santana asks.

"I'm not sure. I never come here with him, it's always my mom."

"Oh," she sighs, "It's getting so hot."

"When we hang out later it'll be cooler," I reassure her.

She grins, "we might as well hang out all afternoon, evening and night."

"That would be awesome," I admit. We hear laughter to our left and approach a large tree. When we get closer I can see some smoke, but no people. That's until I feel Santana's hand take mine and her drag me around the tree. I gasp as I see my brother inhaling a joint.

"Sam!"

He jumps, effectively dropping the joint. Brett quickly picks it up though and butts it out. "Don't tell mom!" Sam begs. Brett just looks really tired and rests his head back on the tree. Santana approaches him and pokes his shoulder to make sure he's still awake.

"I won't, but you know how bad that stuff is for you."

"Nah, it isn't yo," Brett chimes in. His words are slurred together. He basically coughs them out.

"You guys should be inside learning about cars and stuff," I add lamely. I don't really know how to react to this. I'm glad Santana is here though. She walks in front of Sam and folds her arms in a defiant stance. She looks so hot.

"Your sister is being really good to you - driving you here and not telling your mom about your filthy habits. I know I wouldn't be as nice as her. So from now on, you'll respect her and not make her wait around for you and you'll tell your mom you can walk to the garage from now on."

Sam nods immediately. I smirk and press my palms on Santana's shoulder. She tenses for a second until I speak near her ear at Sam. "That's right!" Brett coughs loudly and Sam scrunches his face up. Santana's giggling from my words and she rubs my knuckles with the tips her fingers.

I don't want to move, but I'm sure I'll end up choking soon if we hang around Brett.

"We're going home," I tell Sam before turning to Santana, "I'll pick you up at yours."

Santana nods. The boys head back to the garage. Santana turns her head slightly so my lips are a few inches from her nose. "Can't wait." It comes out really airy. It makes my eyelids flutter involuntarily. I look down, but all I see is her bare shoulder which my fingers are pressing against. I slide my hands off her shoulders, but it's like there is a magnet under her skin that doesn't allow my hands to pull away completely.

My hands end up at her waist and we're so close I can count the little hairs on the back of her neck. "Bye," I whisper. I wanted something to happen, to do something. But I'm seeing her later and I love the feeling of anticipation.

* * *

I ended up at the bar to see Rachel and Quinn just as they had their break. Quinn looks so bright, like she's just arrived back from Heaven and kissed Jesus himself. I don't really know if Jesus is up there, but whoever is, made Quinn really happy. I've never seen her like this before, it's scary but exciting. Sam was sitting in the car looking really upset. I told him I wouldn't be long. Rachel pulls out a fancy white cigarette and lights it up. She says she only started smoking after she realised her singing career wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm hanging out with Santana later," I break the silence.

"I didn't even know you knew her," Quinn replies, "but at the bar you two acted like you were best friends for years."

"We aren't," I clarified, "but we bumped into each other and got talking. We remembered each other."

"How? You never hung out?"

"We never hung out and we're all good friends." Quinn looks impressed. Rachel exhales a long drag and looks between the both of us.

"You know what I think," she licks her lips and crouches forward, "I think that Santana isn't even famous. She probably lived in Hollywood as an assistant to an actual star."

"I think you're just jealous," Quinn says rolling her eyes and that's the first time today she's lost a bit of her shine.

"Then why does she never talk about it?" Her eyes find mine, "Brittany you could ask her and then tell me."

"No, I want to talk about us. I mean, her and me, not you."

"You won't be talking about me, you'll be asking her about her stardom and then you'll come report back to me."

"No Rachel."

"Please," she clasps her hands together and the smoke blows in my direction. I step back and look to Quinn for help.

"Rachel, you know you can audition for NYADA again, but you choose not too. Kurt calls you every week to tell you what you're missing out on in an attempt to get you to go back, but you have too much pride."

Quinn straightens her shoulders up and goes back inside the bar, leaving Rachel speechless and me not really knowing what to say or how to say it. "She's right." I let out a breath of relief that Rachel spoke first.

"You don't have to go back if you don't want to," I say gently.

Rachel sends me a small smile and pats me on the shoulder. She then drops her cigarette to the ground and steps on it. She heads inside and I walk back towards the truck until I hear a voice behind me that halts my steps.

"Wanna give your mother and I a ride girly?" I smile at April, but it soon fades when I notice her basically holding up my mom. I walk to the other side of my mom and wrap an arm around her waist. April and I carry her to the truck and place her carefully in the back seat. She isn't really saying anything except small mumbles of words. Her eyes are half closed.

"How much did she drink?"

"Hardly anything, that's the problem. She's completely dehydrated."

"Why didn't someone give her water or anything?"

April shrugs her shoulders and I run to the front seat. Sam is watching my mom with the saddest eyes I've ever seen him wear. He's never seen her like this because my mom always leaves the house.

"I found her in the corner just as she was about to faint."

"Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap..."

"Calm down darlin', she'll be fine." I nod my head at April's words as I start the engine. Thank god it's only a short drive. When we're parked in front of the house Sam steps out of the car first to open the door for April. I run around the car to help her and my mom's even more of a dead weight.

Once we're inside I tell Sam to get a bottle of water and some glasses. He does as I say, but not because he's afraid I'll tell someone about him smoking weed. He's afraid that my mom will end up like my dad. But my mom is healthy, I think. I haven't even asked her how she is in so long. I'm an idiot.

"I'm an idiot," I mutter to myself. April's head springs up and she sits down at the table next to me. Sam is waking up my mom and getting her to drink the water.

"Don't say that girly," she rubs my back, "you couldn't have known, your mother is so secretive nowadays." I hate that she's noticing. I thought I was the only one who noticed people. But April spends so much time around people I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she notices them too.

"She'll be okay," I grab my brothers free hand, "she's just reacting badly to the hot weather, just keep giving her water."

My mom finally opens her eyes fully and she sinks down a little in her seat. I lean forward trying to get her to look at me. Her eyes look shiny, like Santana's. Her skin is paler than usual. I press my palm against her forehead.

"I should get ice to cool her down," I say mostly to myself. I keep talking loud enough for only myself to hear. I don't know why. April side eyes me as I stand up and head for the kitchen. I return with an ice pack. My mom gasps when I press it to her forehead. I hold it there for a few seconds so she can adjust to the change in temperature.

"What..." She says quietly. Her mouth opens and closes a few times like a fish. I smile at her so she knows she's okay. I don't feel like smiling, but I know smiling to reassure my mom that she'll be okay is the right thing to do.

"You have to go to bed and rest," I lift her to her feet and then turn to Sam, "make sure the fan is in her room." Sam nods and runs to my mom's room. April takes my hand as I take my mom's. She's able to walk steadily now.

Sam plugs in the fan then moves back to stand in the doorway. As soon as my mom's body hits the bed she falls asleep. The room is really cool, so she'll be okay.

"Thank you," I say to April. She scrunches her face into a grin and leads me out of the room. Sam follows us to the living room but doesn't say anything.

"I have to be somewhere soon, but I don't want to leave her."

"Don't worry darlin' I can stay here until you get home." I smile gratefully at April but shake my head.

"I'll just let my friend know I can't make it." As soon I finish that sentence I realise I don't have Santana's number. I could go to her trailer and tell her but I might as well just hang out with her.

"Don't be silly, your mama wouldn't want you worrying about her," April responds, lightly hitting me on the arm, "besides, is this friend a special friend?" She's smirking at me and making me blush.

"I'm not sure, not yet." I leave it at that. April nods and makes herself comfortable on the sofa. She offers to order her and Sam pizza and that makes him smile for the first time since I caught him smoking. I place a kiss on Sam's head and hug April before running upstairs to change quickly.

* * *

I don't think I've ever sped in my life. It was almost dark, but there was still a pinch of sun about disappear. I drove towards it as if I was trying to chase it and catch it. I turned down the road towards Santana's. Her mom was sitting outside beside a small wooden table. There was a gross looking drink resting on the table but I didn't look at it for too long.

When she saw me she smiled. I wanted to make a delivery here again, because after the first one I think she liked me - even though I saw her for a few moments before she ducked inside. This time I managed to get a few words from her.

"You're sweet for coming all the way here to give an old woman her deliveries."

"You're not old," I respond immediately. She shakes her head and exhales shakily.

"Like I said, you're sweet. Too sweet." I grin at her and take a seat on the empty one across the table from her. She has a blanket folded around her shoulders. She looks frail and I'm sure she isn't even old. I think her illness just makes her look a little older than she really is.

"You have a really nice view," I comment, letting my eyes take in the view of the scattered trees and endless field.

"I try and look out here as much as I can." I smile gently at her and notice her lonely hand resting in a fist on the table. I take a chance and reach over to lay my hand over it.

She watches my movements and then looks up at me. Her warm smile sends a shiver down my spine. Knowing that one day that smile, that woman, will be gone, is terrifying.

"Santana's inside." I don't move for a while. I didn't forget about Santana. She appears at the door of her trailer a second later.

"Oh Brittany, what are you girls up to?" She asks with a sly smile.

I look over to Mrs. Lopez and wink at her. She attempts to grin at me but ends up coughing a little. I squeeze her hand then walk up to Santana. Because she's standing on the step she's taller than me. She's dressed casually and her hair is up in a tight pony. She looks like she did back in high school when she was a cheerleader

"You look like a cheerio."

Her face scrunches in disgust. I laugh and follow her inside when she turns around. I immediately see Rosie sitting on the sofa watching television. She looks up at me with a blank expression then turns back towards the T.V. I watch Santana pick up some rubbish hurriedly and then return back to where I'm standing awkwardly.

"Hey Rosie," I offer her a smile. She isn't even looking at me.

"Hey Brittany," she says with fake enthusiasm. Her head bounces as she talks, "I'm going to get a drink and make friends." I watch Santana smile to herself. I wonder if she's happy that Rosie is leaving or that she is making an effort to make friends. It didn't sound like Rosie was serious.

"Have so much fun," Santana says with fake sarcasm. There whole relationship was so fake. I didn't know why put up with each other. But when I saw them holding hands the other day they looked like a real couple. I didn't want to ruin anything by being here. It's obvious Rosie doesn't like me very much.

Rosie picks up a leather jacket and throws it over one shoulder. She then walks up to Santana, who has a frown on her face, and grabs her by the back of her neck. Rosie's lips press against Santana's and Santana's eyebrows fly up in surprise. Was Rosie doing this just because I was here?

Santana's hands push against Rosie's chest and they both gasp. "Fucking hot as Lopez, no wonder you're my bitch."

"I'm not your bitch!" Santana yells as Rosie walks passed me to the door.

"Then you'll fuck Brittany after I'm gone." With that said, she disappears outside. My eyes are so wide. Santana moves beside me and rubs her forehead.

"Sorry about her."

"She's definitely honest. That's not a bad thing," I reply with a smirk. Santana smirks back and opens the door of her trailer. I'd love to stay in here with her because it's cosy and allows us to be close. I think I would do anything to be close to her even if we were in a really big room with hardly any furniture.

"Come on ma," she takes her mom's hand and leads her inside. I wait outside until she returns. We smile at each other and I follow Santana down a small hill towards the open field.

"Where are we going?"

"Just to sit somewhere and talk." She begins to run down a steeper hill and before I can tell her it's dangerous, she slips onto her butt and slides the rest of the way down the hill.

I pause and hold my stomach. I'm laughing so hard that I can hardly breath or speak. Santana turns around and starts laughing as well.

"Fuck off," she says between her sharp laughs. I can feel a tug at my ankle and notice Santana has crawled back up the hill and tries to pull me down with her. I don't fight it. I fall back on my butt and she pulls me towards her. I slide into her and gasp as my centre hits her thighs hard. My head is against her chest and I really want to look forward but I close my eyes instead and cherish the closeness.

I feel her body peel away from me and I catch her eyes when I tilt my head back. She then slides away from me and lies on her back beside me. I lean back so our heads are close again. We both stare up at the sky and enjoy the stars that are visible.

"I hated cheer leading."

"I know." My answer surprises her.

"I hated the squad, I hated coach Sue. I regret mostly everything I did in high school. One of which is never speaking to you."

I smile. "We spoke after high school."

"Brittany, tell me that I didn't fuck you up." She sounds small, but serious.

"You didn't fuck me up Santana," my eyes trail a pattern across the sky, "you just didn't consider me or my feelings."

"That's what I'm saying. If we spoke in high school, I probably would have treated us differently." _Us. _

"You probably would have treated it worse."

"What was worse than leaving you?"

I turn to her and she looks at me. She's wondering what I'm thinking and feeling and I've never seen so many questions surround someone's head before. "Nothing," I whisper.

She stares at me for a moment longer before turning to face the sky again. Her eyes blink a lot of times. She wets her lips every few seconds. I'm so busy staring at her face that I don't realise she's moved her hand until I feel her fingertips graze mine.

"We barely knew each other," I whisper again because we're so close.

"We barely know each other," she says quietly, her voice shaking. I claim her hand with my own when she refuses to move further. Our fingers tangle together and everything feels lighter. The ground underneath us feels softer.

"We could start again, get to know each other," I suggest.

"We could do that," Santana agrees, "but would we be able to get close again?"

I nod my head. "You know," I pause, wondering if I should tell her this. If she hears it now, I don't think she would like herself very much. She would apologize a thousand times for leaving me after taking my virginity. Or she would smirk and make a light joke. I don't know, because I don't know her.

"What?"

"That day when you came to my house and we kissed and had sex," I hear her breath hitch, "I lost my virginity." Santana sits up quickly. She looks down at me but I can barely see her face.

"What? I took your..."

I nod when she doesn't finish her sentence. Her head is shaking from side to side but she remains quiet. I sit up and watch her.

"I don't regret it," I say firmly. Her head stops shaking. I lean forward and my nose brushes against the side of hers. Her breath enters my mouth and I swallow. I lick my lips.

"I don't either." Her hand grips my arm and she pushes me to lay down again. She lays down as well. We're on our side facing each other. "I thought about it everyday after I left."

Her fingers dip down to my stomach and she claws it gently. I suck in a breath and watch her focus move to my lips. I can't help but lick them again. I'm wearing thin fabric tights so as her fingers fall to my legs I start to burn and quiver and shake. I pinch my legs together but unfortunately her hand gets caught between them.

"Don't want me to move huh?" She whispers and smirks at me.

"I-I thought we were going to be t-talking."

"If moaning is talking, then yeah."

I can feel my underwear getting really sticky and hot and I shuffle backwards. "Oh god."

Santana smiles and tries to take my hand but I roll back and stand up on my feet. I walk backwards down the hill and watch Santana stand back up on her feet. She doesn't run after me because I think she's learnt her lesson. Unfortunately as I'm walking backwards my right foot hits uneven ground and I stumble back but don't fall. Santana gets closer to me and begins to run forward.

I step sideways and run in the other direction of the field. Now that we're on flat turf, she's faster, but so am I. I can feel my stomach start to strain and I slow down. Santana catches up to me and wraps her arms around my waist.

"W-wait, it hurts," I breathe out. Santana starts rubbing my stomach and waist lightly. I close my eyes.

"Want to go back inside?" I think she notices me shaking. I don't think it's from the cold now.

I shake my head, "no."

"Okay. What do you want me to do?" I slip out of her hold and turn to face her. Santana watches me carefully. Her arms hang in the air. I grab one of her hands and walk backwards until I hit a tree. I pull Santana's hand down to my centre and rub it against me. She gasps. She can feel how wet I am for her.

I lead her hand underneath my tights and rub her fingers against my underwear. Once she's moving on her own I slowly remove my hand from hers and listen to the small gasps she's making close to my mouth. I thrust forward as she rubs me.

When the rubbing stops I frown at her. She pulls her hand out of my tights and walks backwards. "Sorry, I don't want to prove Rosie right."

I think back to what she said. "You are her bitch then." It's so out of character for me that I have to mentally flick my brain a thousand times.

"Brittany," Santana breathes out, "you know how much I want to."

"Why can't you? It's not like people are watching or are going to take pictures. You can have sex with me and then go back to Hollywood with Rosie and live the good life." I didn't mean to blurt anything of that out. It came out like puke.

"I'm not going back," Santana mumbles.

"What?"

"I'm not going back!" She says louder.

I control the urge to yell back my words. I take a giant breath. Close my eyes, open my eyes. "Why?" I ask barely above the winds gentle hum.

"My record label, they found out I dabbled in some things I wasn't supposed to and I wasn't _good for their image_," she rubs her hands down her face, "they dropped me."

"But you're a big star." I don't understand.

"I was, not any more. So when my mom told me that she was fucking dying I had to come back here and it was good because I didn't have to let anyone know because I wasn't famous any more."

"What about Rosie? Why did she come with you?"

"She said she needed a change and she had never been to a bum town before. Plus she said I'm the best lay she's ever had so..." She trails off and laughs to herself.

I feel something wet hit my cheek. I didn't know I started crying. I was too busy watching Santana to see if she was going to start crying.

The thought of Santana and Rosie gives my head an ache. She notices me crying and moves forward but I run around her and I keep running until I'm at my truck.

"Brittany, Brittany!"

"I don't want to have sex with you, like Rosie does. I don't want you to feel like we have to make up for what happened four years ago. I've coped without you because I had too. I coped with you at the same school as me for most of my life because I had too. I didn't want to, but I had too. I don't want to have sex with you Santana, I want to get to know _you _and explore _you_. But I want you to want that aswell."

I turn around and open the door of my truck. I'm about to step inside when the door slams near my face and I'm being pushed up against it. Santana turns me around fast and her lips find mine and she kisses me with the most passion I've ever felt in my entire life. Her hands claw at my waist and one of my legs slowly rises to rub up and down the side of hers.

Her lips close over mine then pull back with a pop and close over again. I bite her lip and she pulls back in surprise. I slide my tongue between her lips and allow her to suck it in her mouth for a long time. She doesn't let it go until she needs to take a deep breath. My head springs back and hits the window of the back seat door.

Her hands slide up my waist but pause when we hear a car door slam. Santana steps back and wipes her lips. Rosie sees us as she's walking towards the trailer.

"Good night?" She asks sarcastically. She's carrying her heels in her hand and doesn't wait for an answer as she walks into the trailer.

Santana walks backwards but then stops. She stares at me lustfully for a long time and then moves forward. Her hands run through my hair and she kisses me softly this time. "Shouldn't you go inside?" I ask when she pulls away for a second.

She doesn't answer. Her lips caress mine so sensually that I can't move my body. My lips move but my hands stay frozen.

Her hands grip the back of my neck so she can deepen the kiss. I can't control the shake in my thighs. My hands find her shoulders and I push her back. "We have to stop."

"But-"

"We have, to stop, Santana."

She sighs and turns to walk back to her trailer. I frown and step forward. She's standing by the door. I wait for her to say something. Did she just want to kiss me?

"What are you doing?" I ask. My voice cracks because I'm starting to cry again. "Did you just want sex? No talking?"

"I don't know Brittany," she whispers back harshly.

"Okay," I mumble. I open the door to my truck again and she doesn't stop me when I step inside. I sit in the car for a while and hear the trailer door click shut. I don't move. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but I realise that what I want isn't getting to me any time soon.

* * *

**leave a thought, good or bad :) **


	5. The rush

**authors note; **Song used in this chapter is rolling stone by The Weeknd, give it a listen. Longest bloody chapter I've ever written, enjoy. Thank you to the few people that have been reviewing ever chapter, you're the best.

**disclaimer; **I do not own Glee or it's characters.

* * *

I woke up to a phone call from Quinn. She needed me to get over to the bar as soon as possible because she needed someone to help clean up. Apparently after I left yesterday there was a brawl and half of the tables were thrown into walls. Luckily no one was injured apart from the six guys involved, but the bar looks like a hurricane hit it – well that was Rachel's loud description of it in the background. I'm sure it was a huge over-exaggeration.

I knew I would be coming back straight away after I helped at the bar so I didn't even bother checking on my mom. She was still sleeping because I hadn't heard any movement in there. Or maybe she was just lying in bed staring at the ceiling like I do sometimes.

Sam calls out behind me as I walk out of the door. He wants me to go and pick up something from the garage but he'll text me what it is. I think I know what it is he wants, so I ignore him and slam the door behind me. I don't bother driving to the bar, I start running. The girls are standing out the front when I get closer to the bar. I see someone else standing beside them holding a mop.

What is Santana doing here?

"All right Britt is here, let's get to work." I watch Quinn clap her hands together and then head inside. Rachel gives Santana orders about where to mop and I just stand here staring at them. I don't really listen to what they're saying. I don't think Santana is listening either because her eyes are wandering everywhere.

"Brittany, start near the bathroom with Santana. Here's another mop," Rachel says, handing me the cleaning instrument. My head bobs up and down until it satisfies Rachel enough that she leaves me alone. Well, alone with Santana.

Santana is gripping the mop handle really tightly with both hands. She's leaning on it as she looks at me. I don't let her stare into me though. I duck my head and walk inside. I can hear Santana's fast footsteps behind me. I can sense the desperation to say anything dripping from her lips and I don't even know how.

Since she has come back I feel like the connection between us that was there four years ago returned as well, stronger this time. It's tightening around my heart and tugging me backwards to the point where I've stopped moving and Santana bumps into me hard. Her hands immediately grip my waist to keep me from tripping forward off my feet.

She doesn't let go and I don't want her too. Although people are looking now and it's getting really hot in here. I thank her quietly then continue towards the bathrooms. Santana takes a little while to follow me this time and when I begin mopping she just stands there staring out of the window.

"Crap." I hear her curse to herself.

"What's wrong?" It's the first thing I've said to her since last night. Since we kissed so damn passionately against my truck. I'm getting sticky again.

I wonder if she told Rosie. I think she already knew though, because she had a smirk when she walked passed us. "The sky is turning dark and I didn't prepare my mom for cold weather."

I comfort her with a soft, "I'm sure she'll be okay with Rosie," but her face just hardens like stone.

"Rosie said she was going to be out all day."

"We'll just ask Rachel and Quinn if we can go check on her now," I say breathlessly, rushing to put the mop against the bar. Santana follows me and tugs on my sleeve to get my attention.

"We?" She looks confused the most. Then she looks pleased, almost excited.

"Well I don't have my truck but I could ride with you there just for some company," I suggest gently and accompany my words with a shrug like it's no big deal. But it is a big deal to Santana. I think after last night she thought it would be the final straw for me and I would never talk to her again. I understand that she doesn't know what she wants, even after four years apart. I will be her friend though, of course I will.

"How about we clean up for another hour or so and then we can head off," she looks out the window, "It still isn't raining yet so we have time."

I nod and pick up the mop again, "Let's get to it then."

She stands on one side of the hallway leading to the back door and I stand on the other. Her mop sometimes hits the bathroom door causing it open which makes her mad and me giggle. As a result of all this, she threatens to rub the mop all over me.

Rachel approaches us after 15 minutes and notices that the floor looks a little better then orders us to get to the kitchen. I let her know that Santana and I have to go in a hour because Santana suspects it's going to rain.

"That girl is famous and psychic now?" Rachel says bitterly. I jab her with the pole end of the mop and she shrieks.

"Don't say that and don't talk about her fame."

"Why not? Is she one of those stars that act all humble but secretly love the attention?" I don't know how to respond. I can't tell her the truth because that's Santana's choice if anyone else knows or not. I don't think Rachel would scream 'hooray' if she found out Santana wasn't famous any more. She might silently be having a party in her head, but for me she would show some kind of sympathy towards Santana.

"She's helping clean up the bar, you should appreciate that Rachel," I warn finally. Santana turns to me like she heard something but I doubt it because she's on the other side of the kitchen and there are people around us making a lot of noise. We seem to be the only ones with mops. I leave Rachel to think about what I said and walk over to Santana. Her smile widens as I become closer but I'm aware not to get too close. Even from across the room I can't help but think about last night.

"I enjoyed myself last night."

"What?" I only heard a small part of that sentence because of the noise. Santana smiled shyly at me and then pulled me closer. She brought her lips to my ear and whispered this time.

"I _really _enjoyed myself last night."

I don't know whether it was the flirtatious emphasis she put on the word 'really' or that she changed her mood so quickly from being shy to confident. It just irritated me for some reason. So I backed away and I knew she grew confused without even looking at her.

"What?" I heard her voice through the clanging of dirty dishes and scrubbing on walls.

"You don't get to say you enjoyed last night because," I took a sharp breath and gripped my mop handle like she was doing before, "it shouldn't have happened. Whether you're with Rosie officially or not you have a responsibility. You don't get to flirt and kiss me whenever you like."

"And you don't get to reciprocate then give me a lecture about what I'm doing wrong the next day!" She cuts in. I guess she's right so I shut my mouth and continue mopping. "So you aren't going to argue any more?"

"No I don't think so."

"You don't think so? But you want too. You want to keep telling me how much I screwed you over even though you know how fucking sorry I am." I'm surprised we haven't gained anyone's attention because Santana is yelling and I'm just frozen amongst everyone in there way.

"Okay fine," I murmur, "don't worry about anything I say any more, just leave me alone until you have to leave." I turn to face her and watch her eyes lose their sparkle. I know I said the wrong thing, but how am I supposed to take it back?

"Whatever, suit yourself."

We mop on opposite sides of the room silently. Some people start exiting, leaving a noticeable decrease in noise in the kitchen then before. I flick my eyes over in Santana's direction and watch her talk to Cassandra, the dance teacher. They're laughing and most likely reminiscing about the good old days. How did I not notice Cassie come in here?

Santana is probably making Cassie really jealous about her fame. Maybe I should go interrupt and tell Cassie that Santana didn't make it either; well she did, but then lost her chance.

Why would I do that though? I love her, I love Santana so much. Just because she's screwing with my mind even after four years apart doesn't mean that love has faded even a little bit. Her face is scrunching up in that cute way when she laughs. If you could hear happiness, it's her laugh.

Cassie punches her in the shoulder lightly and her knuckles linger there for a while before slowly descending down Santana's arm. I watch the pair with a hardened expression that I don't know I'm wearing until Quinn asks me if I'm all right. "Of course," I say tensely.

"Your mom needs you." I snap out of my Santana daze and stare at Quinn.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure, your brother just called and said she won't come out of the bathroom."

I drop my mop and run out of the kitchen. I'm not paying attention to anyone around me so a few crashes and 'fuck you's' are thrown my way. A tug on my arm stops me just as I exit the bar.

"Do you need a ride?" I nod my head because I really do need a ride and a ride with anyone but Santana would make me anxious. I feel comfortable with her despite what just happened.

She removes her jacket and hangs it above our heads when we step out into the rain. It hasn't been an hour but Santana was still right about the rain. She opens the passenger side door and I thank her. She then runs to the drivers side and her whole body is shivering making it difficult for her to start the truck. For a moment I forget I'm in a rush, for a moment she's all that matters.

These are those forever moments. The ones that last a couple seconds but you wish they lasted forever.

I grab her hands with mine, wrapping them around for warmth. I hold them up to my mouth and blow into them while she stares at me with her lip quivering and eyebrows pinched together.

I don't know how I'm more warm than her but if I can make her warm I'll feel even better. I start thinking about my mom again and all the negative outcomes there could be to be locked in a bathroom alone. I tell Santana we should go and she lets go of my hands. She sends me a small smile right before.

Her driving is so fast I feel like I blinked once and we were at my house. I open the door and cringe when it slams behind me because of the wind. I hear another slam but don't turn around because I already know Santana is following me inside.

"Sam?" When he hears my voice he bolts downstairs and hugs me. I scrunch his hair in my hands and pull back to stare at him. "What happened? Is she still in the bathroom?" Sam nods. "Has she left the house today?"

We're soaking wet. I can see the moisture on the carpet. My mom will yell at me if she sees that. I watch the water cling to Santana's hair, causing it to stick to the sides of her face. Her clothes are becoming see through, I look away.

"I don't know," he rushes out, "I was in the field behind the house for about 20 minutes and then when I came back I heard these weird noises from the bathroom."

"Okay," I breathe and push him aside to head up the stairs. My head turns towards the living room for an instant and I notice the empty two bottles of wine. One resting sideways on the table and the other with a glass upside down on top of the opening.

"Who is she?" Sam questions when he notices Santana. I don't really want to explain, so I just grab Santana's hand and pull her up the stairs with me.

"Stay there," I call back to Sam and am relieved when he doesn't follow.

I clutch Santana's hand all the way to the bathroom door. I lift our hands and knock gently against it. "Mom?"

I don't want her to see my mom in whatever state she is, but having Santana here is making me think positively and calming me. If I was doing this alone I know I wouldn't have had the courage to break open the door. It swings into the wall beside it when it opens and my eyes immediately target my mom leaning back against the opposite wall.

"What're you doin' herrre Brit'ny?" She slurs and tries lifting herself off the floor.

"Crap," I whisper. I let Santana's hand go and expect her to stay put behind me, but she just follows like she normally does because she knows I need help. I lift my mom up on one side and Santana grabs her other side. We carry her all the way to the bedroom and I don't say anything until she's lying down and her breathing is settled.

Her eyes find mine, but only for a second. Her gaze flickers to Santana and she breaks out into a huge lop sided grin.

"Fayyyme grrrrl!"

"Mom stop it," I warn but she just pokes her tongue out at me and continues smiling at Santana. I wonder if Santana feels as awkward as I do. When I turn to her I'm surprised by the smile on her face. She looks as though she's about to laugh. I sigh and walk into the bathroom to pick up the tissue box and tooth brush that fell on the floor. I stare inside the toilet and notice the puke in there. I flush it down and walk away holding my breath.

Santana is sitting beside my mom, brushing the hair off of her face. My mom's eyes are starting to close. I watch them until I can hear light snores from my mom's nose and Santana slowly sits up.

"She loves you," she whispers once we leave the room.

"I know," I say almost defensively. Her expression doesn't harden though. She just smiles and begins walking downstairs.

"How about we check on my mom now?" I don't really want to leave, knowing that my mom still has a little bit of energy to lock herself in the bathroom again.

I tell Santana to give me five minutes and I run upstairs and set up a mattress beside my mom's bed. I grab some of my brother's comic books and game boy and tell him to come into mom's room. I let him know that he has to stay in here for the rest of the day until I'm back and he instantly agrees. I know he doesn't want a repeat of what mom did.

"Okay let's go," I say breathlessly, approaching Santana and handing her a scarf.

"Thanks." We step inside her truck and she puts the heater on. I look at her confused and she just smirks.

"You warmed me up before I had a chance to turn it on earlier." I smile really small at her and bow my head. She spoke her words without any hidden innuendo. She spoke warmly and gently and sweet. I was back to thinking about her lips.

* * *

We pull up by the trailers and head straight towards her mom's. One of the windows is open and when we head inside the first thing I notice is the water dripping onto the kitchen bench. Santana walks towards the bedroom and gasps. She mutters something in Spanish and when I move closer I notice her covering her mother's body in blankets. She looks ghostly so I offer to make a hot cup of soup or tea.

Santana nods and directs me to which shelf the soup is on. I'm tempted to have some myself when I see the picture on the front of the packet. Maybe chicken noodle soup can be my treat next week.

Santana joins me in the kitchen after her mom stops shaking. "I can take over."

"No, it's okay," I send her a reassuring smile, "you helped my mom so I'm returning the favour."

She rolls her eyes, smirks and leans her back against the edge of the sink beside me. I pour hot water into a mug and stir the soup. "I wonder where Rosie got to," my movement freezes, "you would think she had gotten sick of this place by now, but apparently she had a good time last night."

Santana's eyes find mine and we instantly know what each other is thinking. Her hand, which is resting on the bench, slowly creeps over towards mine. Just as I feel her fingers tips brush the side of my pinky, her mom calls her.

She's coughing after every sentence and Santana rushes to her side. Apparently she has gotten hot and her temperature continues to change constantly. Santana sits her mom up and grabs a thin sheet from the bed. She calls to me and asks me to help lift her mother out onto the sofa. After I've helped I return to the soup and watch Santana remove and apply the sheet to her mothers frail body. Her mom talks Spanish sometimes so I focus on the soup. Some things make Santana's face scrunch up in disapproval but all I can do is watch.

"Here you go," I say quietly, handing the soup to Mrs. Lopez. She looks up at me like we haven't even met before, then takes the mug shakily in her grip. Santana swallows my kindness with the softness of her eyes and I find myself drowning in them.

There's a door slammed outside and Santana rises to her feet. She places a hand on my arm when she moves passed me so she doesn't intentionally shove me. The trailer door swings open and she yells Rosie's name out. I stand in the doorway and watch the blonde turn around and cross her arms.

"What is it babe?" Her eyes flicker to me and she smooches her lips out, but not in the kiss kind of way.

"What is it?" Santana returns loudly, "you left my fucking mother in her cold trailer and just forgot to make sure if she's okay?!"

"Hey, you left as well!" Rosie shouts back.

"You told me you would take care of her before you left and even lied that you checked on her already!"

Something just clicked in my brain and I don't know why only I just realised it. Santana and Rosie still share a trailer and it's small so there's obviously only one bed. If Rosie convinced Santana she checked on her mom this morning she must have done something sweet for her to gain her trust. I don't want to ask, I want to leave.

My feet start moving before my mouth does and when I get to the drive way I yell back that I hope her mother is okay. Santana calls my name four times before I feel a tug on my waist. She's standing in front of me, her chest rising and falling. Her hand reaches up to caress my cheek and she steps closer.

"Don't," I whisper. It sounds almost like a whimper. Santana greets the noise with a hum as her fingers trace up and down my cheekbone. She obviously heard how hollow my plea was.

"I want to see you tomorrow. Cassie wants me to come into the studio and do that tango dance with about a million body rolls," she laughs and lifts my chin up so I'm looking at her, "I told her I wanted you to be my partner. It took her a while to remember who you were, but I convinced her you were an amazing dancer and wouldn't ruin her reputation even though you were never taught by her."

"I'll think about it," I answer quietly and step back out of her touch. Her body turns into a balloon that just lost all it's air. I watch her slump passed me dramatically with her hands in her pockets. The pout doesn't suit her, but I'm thinking about her lips again.

"All right," she sighs and continues walking away.

"Wait!" I call out, suddenly remembering the obvious, "we'll need to rehearse the dance."

She smirks and folds her arms. "You know that dance well Britt, don't pretend like you didn't watch me dance it the whole class." Busted. She tells me we'll meet tomorrow at 11 and I tell her I have work but I can most likely push my hours back.

I get in contact with Jerry as soon as I'm home and he lets me start work at 4 instead.

My mom is still asleep and Sam is focused on one of his comic books. I sit in front of him and watch as he tries to find the last page without looking up at me. When he finally closes the 'graphic novel' as he likes to call them, he rests his chin on his fists and sighs.

"This won't happen again I promise."

"If it does, can you promise to be here so I'm not alone?"

"Of course. Just stop smoking pot." He punches my arm and I punch him back harder. We look over to mom but she's still fast asleep. There is a glass of water on the table behind Sam and I smile at him. He blushes and scrunches his face up in embarrassment.

"Sometimes it's okay to grow up early," I say, "it gives you so much knowledge and experience for the future."

"Knowledge about what? Drinking?" He replies harshly.

"No," I say firmly, "knowledge about unicorns and sugar rushes and life."

Sam looks at me weird before saying he's hungry. He leaves me upstairs in mom's room for five minutes until he returns with two cheese sandwiches.

"Awesome." We grin at each other and spend the rest of the day in there. I learn a lot about wonder woman.

Sam falls asleep on the mattress and my mom grumbles something in her sleep so I move to sit beside her. She squints at the moonlight intruding on her peaceful slumber so I close the curtains. I move back beside her and wait for her to speak.

"I'm sorry honey. I'm sorry your friend had to see that."

"I don't want that to happen again, for Sam's sake."

"It won't." She yawns and pats the spot next to her. I turn over so my back is to her and let her cuddle into me. There is a buzzing in my pocket. I carefully reach down and grab it. It's a new message from Santana.

_'Wear minimal clothing tomorrow ;)__' _

_'You have to stop, San'_

_'Fine. You'll look beautiful either way. Have a good sleep, you're getting a work out tomorrow x'_

I stare down at that text until I fall asleep and when I do sleep I dream about her and I - with minimal clothing on.

* * *

I found my mom and brother in the kitchen cooking breakfast when I woke up. They were drowning pancakes in golden syrup and I didn't mind because I loved doing that as well. But we rarely had pancakes and fancy toppings so I was a little surprised.

"How many do you want sweetheart?" My mom asks with a healthy voice I haven't heard in days. I guess the sleep did her good.

"Just two," I reply softly, taking a seat at the table. Sam grabs the spatula and scoops up two pancakes. Mom kisses him on the head before he places the breakfast on my plate. "Thanks."

"I'm going to have 7."

"You'll have to make them then Sammy," mom replies.

"It's not my fault if there is a mess," Sam says innocently then goes back to cooking. My mom sits beside me at the table and I'm halfway finished my second pancake. It's almost 10:30. I want to get to the studio before Santana so I can practice a little. There is probably a class in there but I could go to another room or maybe even out on the field. I think it would be better if Santana came in with me though. Cassie would greet her and then Santana would introduce me and it wouldn't be awkward.

"We should discuss what happened."

"Okay," I say softly, "what happened mom?"

"I wasn't drunk when you and April took me home. I didn't want to drink at the bar, I was just sitting there."

"Why did you start drinking after I left the house though?"

"I was drinking a little earlier then that, I don't remember what time exactly. You have to understand Brittany that I hadn't done that in years. I hadn't let myself get to that point since your father passed."

"Don't talk about him mom," I whisper with my head down, "not in front of Sam."

Sam's head struggles to stay down because I know he wants to say something. I just don't know whether it would be directed at me or mom. I say I have to get going but my mom's shaking fingers catch my wrist. I watch her mouth tremble - she is so ashamed. I cover her fingers with my other hand and smile. She needs to know I don't mind.

"I just don't want you to not wake up one day." I whisper it directly in her ear so that Sam can't hear. I don't want him to worry. He's already smoking pot and he's barely experiencing puberty. I cringe at the thought of my mom finding out.

"I have to go now," I say softly, "I'll be back in a couple hours for work."

"Will you spend some time at home tonight?"

I kiss her on the forehead and place my plate in the sink. "Hopefully." She seems to be satisfied with my answer because she replies with an enthusiastic nod.

I get into my truck this time. I'm not going to risk the rain pelting me again like yesterday. Although it did soak through Santana's shirt so that was the high light of my day. It takes me just under ten minutes to reach the studio. I notice Santana's truck parked out the front and her leaning against it. I think she's been waiting for me.

I park next to her and hop out. I can see her body clearly from outside the truck because my windows are pretty dirty. She's wearing an off the shoulder black dress that's loose up the top and tight around her hips. I can see part of her cleavage and the sun shining down on it creates little diamonds all over her skin. She takes my silence as an opportunity to step forward and tug on my shorts.

"Very cute," she compliments with a smirk. I look down and didn't realise how barely there my shorts are. I blush and turn towards the studio entrance.

"Is Cassie inside?" I change the topic smoothly.

"Let's find out." She clicks the lock button on her car keys and struts ahead of me. I watch her ass sway hypnotically and find it hard to move my feet forward.

How am I going to dance with this girl?

We're led by one of the choreographers to the most familiar studio. As soon as we enter my eyes scan the side of the room where I used to set up camp and watch the dancers. Santana nudges my shoulder knowingly and I playfully glare at her smirk.

"Girls! Get your skinny asses over here." I wasn't expecting that greeting, but I follow Santana to the front of the room and wait for further instructions. Cassie claps her hands together dramatically and orders the class to move to the back of the room and sit as an audience. My fingers fidget around each other and I think Santana notices I'm nervous because she slowly reaches her hand around my back to soothe me. But I think she remembers there are mirrors behind us and the kids will see and get suspicious, so she settles for a comforting smile.

Cassie hasn't even seen me dance before. She's only relying on Santana's opinion. What if I forget a step? I normally remember routines easier than anything so I should be okay.

"Class, this is Santana Lopez. She lives in a world where you could all be involved in in a few years if you work your asses off." I notice Santana becomes nervous at Cassie's words.

The older blonde turns to me and slowly approaches. We're the same height and I don't think she realised because she's trying to be intimidating. "Hi."

"Hello," she responds with a fake grin. Her teeth blind me.

"Should we start?" Santana interrupts with a fake grin of her own. I thought she liked Cassie. Maybe Santana and I should have spoken about this more. I should have told her Cassie is my idol and that it would be hard proving myself to her considering she's never seen me dance. I wish Santana hadn't asked me this and I wish I hadn't agreed.

I don't have time to go back on my commitment though, because Cassie has moved over to the stereo and pressed play. It's not a song I'm familiar with. It sounds modern and not really authentically tango sounding. Santana takes my hand and pulls me in the starting position. I know she's trying to act confident for my sake.

"Watch and learn," she says to the kids.

I'm facing the mirror with my arm draped over Santana's chest. She's in the same position except she's facing the kids. Her finger tips lick my flesh and my heart starts racing until I begin to sweat and we haven't even started dancing yet.

"Take it slow," Santana whispers close to my ear. I hear some giggles in the crowd and I notice through the mirror how some kids yawn. I want to make Cassie proud. I want to make Santana proud.

I stretch my right leg out and Santana mirrors me. We form a semi circle with our toes, spin around and repeat. Once we get into the actual tango, I really feel my body begin to heat up. I don't want to sweat onto Santana, that would be gross. But as I hold her waist and she tangles our fingers together I notice the droplets run down her cheek. She's so focused, I know she doesn't want to disappoint.

My hands find her neck and I stand with my feet tight together. Her hands press against my back as I lean backwards. Without watching her, I can tell her eyes are travelling down my cleavage - if I was in her position my eyes would do the same.

One of her hands wraps underneath my thigh and lifts my leg up around her waist. I'm pulled up against her again and there are some gasps heard from the kids but neither of us lose our focus. I swerve my hips and watch Santana tremble but stay rooted to her spot. She's a lot more tense now, but she's still professional. She doesn't want to disappoint anyone, like she disappointed herself.

My palms press against her chest and she flies backwards. My steps are long as I circle her and her fingers twitch by her side. She wants to touch me, I want to tease her. I forget about everyone else.

"What are you doing?" She asks softly with her head tilted to look at me as I stand behind her.

"Just go with it." I smirk and roll my hips into her - she loves that move. I take one of her hands, push her out then pull her in. I should have mentioned to her that I'm flirty when I dance. Santana and I did dance together that night but I was holding back. This time I let our bodies move as one.

We face each other, our palms pressed together, separating our bodies. She follows me smoothly - it's as if this is all part of the routine. I let my eyes travel to Cassie's. Her expression shows intrigue and I'm thankful. I whisper in Santana's ear to turn around and lead her head on my chest. She does that and then walks forward. My right hand is tickling her chest. I can feel the sweat collect against my palm.

I pump my chest forward slowly and then release her head but catch her with my catch her with my ass when I turn around quickly. I look at her through the mirror and watch her amused expression. I bend down and touch the ground with my fingertips. I don't know how much she wants to take charge until I feel a weight roll off me and her pulling me back up straight.

She walks around me and bends down in front of me, creating a rolling motion with her hips. I can sense her internal laughter as I stay rigid behind her.

"Okay!" Cassie yells over the music. She doesn't press pause on the stereo, she just lets it play as she gathers her students and rushes them out of the studio. Apparently she promised an early end to class today. Some of them looked genuinely disappointed they had to leave. I quickly make a mental note in my head about what not to do once alone in a room with Santana.

1. Don't look at her chest

2. Don't let her eyes take control of you

3. Stand at a distance

4. Breathe

Wait. Why did Cassie leave as well?

Santana picks up her drink bottle and takes a long gulp. She pours some water in her palm and pats her chest. More diamonds. She stretches her neck from left to right and then smirks. There goes the mental note.

"Wonder why everyone left-"

"Shut up." I don't know why I said it. I just want there to be silence while I take her in. I've never seen her like this. Well, not in four years. I can at least do something about it now.

She walks up to me - struts actually. She thinks she's still going to be in control. I crouch when she's a few inches away from me and lift her by her thighs. Her legs immediately wrap around my waist. The music is still playing. We rock from side to side, her fingers playing with the hair sticking to the back of my neck. Her dress is so tight at the bottom that it flies up around her waist, exposing her tight mini white shorts that make her skin look flawless.

I sway with her in my arms until she hits the mirror. The music is but a hum in my ears now.

"You're stronger than I remember." I instinctively tighten my grip around her thighs and pull her closer into me.

I bury my face into her neck and breathe her in. She's so wonderful. I shouldn't be in this position with her again. Do the mature thing. I lean back to tell her we should go but her lips are already attacking mine. I grunt and squeeze her tighter. My body is doing the opposite of what my brain is telling it. She sucks on my lips and I allow her tongue inside my mouth.

I apply pressure to her bottom lip with my teeth and she whimpers, pulling back reluctantly. "I would stay," she pants, "I would stay here for you."

I try and catch my breath to reply. "Don't tell me that."

"I would though," Santana replies as a desperate plea. I bow my head and suck in a big breath. When I look up at her again I see it. I see her vulnerability and her low self esteem and her flaws. And I love her even more.

I step backwards with her still in my arms. I move toward the piano and sit her down on the keys. She laughs at the noise and I swallow it when I kiss her again. She rolls her hips into me and I'm breathing really quick now. She really loves the body roll move.

I remove one strap of her dress that's already fallen halfway down her shoulder. I claw at her skin and she gasps and sloppily kisses my cheek and then my neck. I lick her collarbone and bite and wait until she's moaning to finally pull back and look at her.

"We should shower," I pant out. Santana smirks and rolls her body against me again. I pick her up and plant her feet on the ground. "I meant separately."

Her smirk turns into a pout immediately and I giggle and slap her shoulder. "We can go to your house, I'll wait until you're done and then we can go to mine."

I nod in agreement and watch her walk away towards the door. She has the water bottle in her hand again and she's patting the droplets all over her body. I wish I was that water so bad.

* * *

I don't see or hear anyone downstairs when we get back to my house so I tell Santana she can get dressed down here. "How is your mom?" She drops her bag to the floor and unzips it.

"She'll be all right. How's yours?"

"Well, she won't be all right, but for now she's good." She shrugs and pulls out a fresh t-shirt and denim shorts. Her hands automatically fall to the hem of her dress and they pull my eyes with them. I watch her tear the dress off her body and drop it in her bag. She steps into the denim shorts and zips them up.

After they're buttoned she bends down and retrieves the fresh t-shirt. "Holy shit."

My head snaps left and I notice Sam in the door way with his mouth as big as a sink hole. His eyes are bulging out of his skull and his hands cover up his crotch. Gross.

"Hey there." I turn towards Santana. She has a smirk on her face and still hasn't put on her t-shirt. I glare at her and tell her to hurry up, but she just swings the top around her pointer finger and moves closer to Sam and I. "Britt baby, do you mind undoing my bra?"

"Oh my god!" Sam squeals and runs up stairs bunching up his shorts.

Santana laughs and throws on her t-shirt. "What are you doing?" I hiss.

"That was hilarious."

"You're acting like a teenager!" I don't know why I'm so frustrated. Could it be because I wanted to be the only one who saw Santana so exposed like that. Well, it was only Sam and I don't think I can be jealous of him because he has no chance in hell until he grows up and even then Santana will not be single, but there is something about Santana that makes me want to be protective of her. Maybe it's the love I have for her, or the love she hasn't made visible to me yet. I don't know how she feels.

"I'm just teasing."

"You can only... Never mind," I pout. Her fingers flick my bottom lip and she smiles cheekily at me.

"Only what Britt?" Her voice is deeper now.

When I don't answer she leans forward and kisses my cheek. I think that's all, but she trails kisses to my ear and nibbles on it. "I can only tease you?"

I nod, embarrassed that I'm sticky again so easily.

After I shower and we're both in fresh clothes I decide that we should take separate trucks to Santana's so I don't have to walk home later. She said she would be happy to drive me but I reminded her of her mom's poor health and she agreed to stay put.

Rosie is sitting outside in her bikini when we arrive. She doesn't look tanned any more, more crispy and burnt. The weather changes so easily in Ohio. Santana interrupts her baking by throwing a towel at her face.

"Fucking finally," she growls and rips her glasses off, "the only reason I came here Santana was because you're an amazing lay, but now that we're not having sex any more there is no damn reason for me to be here!" Rosie turns to me, "she'll leave you high and dry in about a week, trust me."

I look at Santana and she looks at me. "Who do you hang out with around here?"

"What?"

"Who do you hang out with around here?" I repeat. Rosie steps around us and stomps into her trailer.

"Any bitch who wants to fuck I guess," she replies crudely. Santana takes my hand and we walk into the trailer. Rosie is throwing on a dress and putting a pot on the stove.

"How domestic of you," Santana teases.

I'm reminded of yesterday when I made Santana's mom soup and how domestic _that _was. I wish we could do it all the time. I think our mom's would get along and Sam would like it around here a lot because it has lots of open space. I wouldn't let him smoke pot here though.

"Shut up," Rosie grumbles in return. I'm laughing a little too loudly and Santana's hand cups my mouth to stop me. She wraps her other arm around my waist and pulls me backwards into the bedroom which is at the back of the trailer. Rosie doesn't notice anything. Santana lets me go and I face her.

"What are you doing?" I breathe.

"I don't know," she smiles so softly at me and I can't help but take her face in my hands.

"What are you doing?" I breathe out even softer this time. Then I kiss her hard. I forget Rosie is just a few metres from us but she was so distracted by being the best house wife that she probably doesn't hear when I bite on Santana's bottom lip and she moans.

"I'm making spaghetti with tin sauce, you bitches better eat it!" Rosie yells and it spurs me on further. I shove Santana back on the bed and it creaks loudly but it doesn't make us stop. My fingers fumble with the zip on her shorts until I've successfully pulled it down. Our kisses are increasingly wet and impatient. She inhales my efforts with a short sharp gasp as my hand slips under her shorts.

My lips move to her neck. "I'm going to take some over to your mother first when it's ready. See Santana, I can be nice!" I groan as my lips suck the colour out of Santana's neck.

"Britt," she pants.

"Mm, what?" I return in sharp breaths. She relaxes her hands near her head as I continue to worship her. The door to the bedroom is half closed so it's not like Rosie can see anything. She might hear things though.

"We have to f-f-figure out wh-what you want Santana."

"I want you, I want this."

I look at her, really look at her. I can hear her pulse as though I'm holding it in my hands. I feel her heart beat in time with my own because soul mates work in sync. That's what I've always told myself.

"Don't run away again," I whisper against her mouth before plunging my tongue deep inside hers. She whimpers and her hands immediately grasp onto her hair. My right hand is growing warm against her underwear and I can feel how wet she's growing in the process. I decide to move and give her something I was never able to four years ago.

My fingers enter her in slow motion and she follows my movements with the arch of her back and the curl of her toes. I receive that feeling again - the one I felt when she took my virginity. I feel young again, but somewhat mature and protective of her. I know I'm not taking her virginity now, but I know I'm taking something from her. Her heart maybe, to keep.

"Oh Britt," she breathes into my mouth, "keep going, just like that."

I do as she says, but freeze when I hear movement outside. The door slams and there are footsteps on the ground outside. Rosie must be giving Mrs. Lopez her dinner, she didn't have to do that.

As much as I want to pull back and tell Santana we should talk instead of fucking in her and her 'girlfriends' trailer, I decide to just live. I live for her, I breathe for her and I treasure the puffs of air that escape her lips each time I pump my fingers inside her. She catches my lips in a tight kiss and I pull back slowly, allowing my tongue to venture down her exposed neck all the way to her chest.

When my fingers start to strain against her I realise I'll have to swap hands. Just as I'm about to she grabs my wrist, keeping my hand in place. Her eyes are squeezed shut and she's muttering something incoherently to herself. This is the first time I've made someone orgasm.

"Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop..." Once her body relaxes I know it's time for me to remove my hand and hold her against me until it's time for me to go to work. The only thing I fear is not knowing what we're going to do after this, but I have faith in her. Especially when her dark eyes feed mine with most passionate degree of love I've ever experienced.

I bring the hand that smells of her up to my lips and kiss each glistening finger tip. Santana's right leg drapes over both of mine as she stares into my eyes - passed the cerulean, the outer white, the dark pupil.

"When did you realise you were gay?" I ask timidly, not wanting to over step any invisible line between us.

She breathes out a laugh and maintains a tight lipped smile for a while before speaking. "When I kissed you four years ago," she admits with a timid shrug. "I should shower real quick."

I'm surprised by her words but I accept them and allow her to untangle herself from me. Her laugh pierces my ears even when she's left the trailer. I lay there in awe of what just occurred before standing up and walking outside. I can hear water but I don't see any. Santana's truck is gone, I think Rosie left. I didn't even hear her leave.

I walk around the trailers and see Santana in a cubicle shower that has only one wall. She's in her underwear and she looks beautiful. She rubs soap down her stomach and arms and legs and I wish those were my hands doing all the work. I don't want to leave her there looking so beautiful without telling her so I walk over and stand a metre away. When she looks at me I grin.

"I wish we could see if we could be something," I say loudly enough that she can hear me over the shower. She decides to turn it off and grabs a towel beside her, wrapping it around her body.

"There are so many things we still need to know about each other. I want to learn what your favourite animal is, your favourite fruit, your favourite," she leans up to my ear, "_sex position_."

I giggle and take her hand as we walk back towards my truck. "I'll see you soon." I mean it and I know she knows I mean it because her smile is the reoccurring action she uses towards only me when she knows we're going to be okay.


	6. The runaway

**authors note; **this answers one of your questions about Brittany's sex life during the last four years. Enjoy.

p.s sorry for any mistakes.

**disclaimer; **I do not own Glee or it's characters.

* * *

It wasn't like April tied me down and threatened to burn my flesh if I didn't tell her about Santana, but she was staring at me so seriously that I decided to tell her everything. I even told her little things about Santana that I love. I told her about high school. Terri appeared in the store room and I told her as well. She didn't make me go back to the start of the story, she just wanted to know the exciting news I never told her. So I revealed everything to them and they shared smirks when I rambled on and on and on about how beautiful Santana is.

Sometimes I mentioned parts of Santana that you could only see if she was half naked and they smirked even more.

"Somebody's in love," April squeals.

"No shit Velma," Terri replies with a not so subtle eye roll. I laughed at the women and they both glared at me. Apparently they didn't have to take this seriously but I did.

"This is love pea wee, the kind of love most people can't find until they're in their 40's. You have so much life to live and now you have someone to share it with!"

"Woah, you're thinking a little far into the future here. Santana hasn't mentioned anything about love at all."

Terri side eyes me, "what has she mentioned?"

I clear my throat and think back to when we were in Santana's trailer. "She said she'll stay here for me."

"Gosh! She may as well have proposed chicken!" April yells and Terri flicks her shoulder to calm down. "What? Can't a god mother be happy for her god daughter!"

"Of course you can," I reassure her, "but I don't want to get my hopes up so soon."

"Sweetheart, you say you've been waiting for this moment for over four years?" I nod at Terri and she sends me a warm smile, "don't waste any time, because she could disappear in a flash just like she did before."

"Wow, good choice of words Perez," April mumbles under her breath. Terri shoots her a glare but remains quiet.

"I don't even know what she's going to do about Rosie."

"Well you shouldn't be worried about that. If Santana knows what's best for her she'll choose you and tell that blonde hoe to hit the road." We share a small smile and then all leave the tiny store room. I look up and find Jerry glaring down at me.

"Oh hey you," April interjects, linking her arm with his and dragging him to the furthest isle from Terri and I.

"I'm going to head on over to the bar and see how Quinn is doing."

I stare at Terri nervously, chewing on my bottom lip. "What's wrong with Quinn?"

"Oh she has some news apparently, something about a new guy in her life."

"Why didn't Quinn text me to meet her?" I wonder out loud. Terri's hand lands on my shoulder and she sighs.

"She probably wants to tell you in private seeing as you two are best friends. Or maybe she knows what you're going through with your mom and Santana."

"I don't want her to feel bad for me, I want to know her news as well."

"Well then grab your stuff, tell Jerry you're taking your break and let's go!" We took my truck because Terri prefers to walk everywhere. She says exercise with help her get pregnant even though she hasn't been dating anyone recently. I think she would even have one night stand with Jerry because she's so desperate to have a baby. She would be a great mother. I could even baby sit it when Terri's out working and if Jerry is the father then that baby will have a dozen treats every week until it's older.

Once we arrive at the bar Terri all but jumps out of the truck. She bolts into the bar before I can even get my seat belt off. Terri always gets exited when one of us younger girls have news, it makes her feel young.

I step into the bar and immediately see the girls crowded around Quinn and some guy that I've never seen beside her. They're laughing and waving me over. I walk towards them with my hands clasped together. I think whatever I expect the news to be it will turn out to be the complete opposite so I don't think anything or say anything until I'm sitting in between Rachel and Terri.

"Okay, okay!" Quinn says through laughter as she tries to calm everyone down.

"Tell us," Rachel begs and folds her hands over Quinn's tightly as if the answer lies under them. Quinn inhales deeply and I can feel my heart pounding in my ears so I take deep breaths like her in case I'm unable to hear what she says.

"Well girls, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Eric," he smiles at all of us and I pinch my lips together, "he and I have known each other for most of our lives and he moved here from Seattle a month ago and we have been catching up," Quinn smirks, "while catching up we found that spark that we didn't see before when we were young."

"Are you saying you're having sex or just dating?" Terri cuts in and I shoot her a glare and shake my head.

"I'm saying," Quinn glares at Terri playfully, "that Eric and I are having a baby," she stares around the group, penetrating her grin onto each of us. Well all of us except one. "I'm pregnant!"

"Oh my god, congratulations sweetie!" Terri cheers and brings the couple into a group hug. "You have been keeping this a secret all of this time?"

"Yeah I didn't want to get my hopes up in case Eric had to move back," Quinn explains. I realise I haven't said anything and it isn't normal. I should congratulate her in some way. I should introduce myself to Eric. But I can't keep my eyes off Rachel.

From the moment the word baby slipped out of Quinn's delicate mouth, Rachel's hand shot off of hers. She kept her distance and smiled one of those forced smiles that disguise your sadness. Why would she be sad? Is she jealous she isn't pregnant?

"Rachel, are you okay?" She looks so startled by my voice that she almost knocked her drink off of the table. Up close I notice the tears swell in her eyes and catch on her long, thick eye lashes.

There is so much noise around us that no one notices how distraught and upset Rachel looks and they don't hear me trying to comfort her. I look over in Quinn's direction and she's showing off a diamond ring on her finger.

"It's okay."

My eyes snap to Rachel again and watch her expression change dramatically. "What?"

"It's okay," she whispers loudly with a small smile appearing on her face. The tears didn't fall; her eyes look dry.

I don't know if I should mention this once we're alone. I don't think Rachel wants to speak of it ever again since I'm the only one that witnessed what just occurred. So I'll keep my mouth shut and maybe in a few years when Rachel and I have our life sorted she'll explain everything she felt in this moment in time.

Everyone at the table is now standing up, including Rachel. She moves passed Terri and wraps her arms around Quinn. It isn't a friendly hug, I recognise it as more of a 'I'm letting you go' hug. I don't know I'm suddenly picking up on all of these things to do with Rachel, but it feels good finally knowing why she became so close to Quinn - even if I can't mention it.

I choke on a whisper. A whisper! Whispers barely escape your mouth and now I'm coughing erratically and everyone is trying to help.

"Someone's trying to steal my thunder," Quinn jokes and rubs my back.

I smile once my breathing is finally controlled and look over to Rachel. Only she's not there any more. I was only leaning over to whisper that she'll be okay. I'm glad she left, it was a stupid thing to think of telling her anyway.

I hug Eric because I hadn't said anything to him before and I think he thinks I'm a little weird. He returns the hug tightly and then puts his arm around Quinn. I grin at both of them because I'm happy for Quinn and even though Rachel isn't I'll be happy for her. Rachel's my friend too so I need to find her.

I excuse myself and they don't think anything of it because I said it as naturally as possible. I find Rachel in the bathroom, she's wiping runny mascara away from her cheeks.

"Oh Britt, um, why aren't you out there with the others, you shouldn't be here."

"I wanted to see if you were okay," I reply quietly. She laughs, not obnoxiously or sarcastically. She's facing the mirror and staring at herself. I move forward but leave space between our bodies so that she doesn't feel like I'm pressuring her to pour her heart out.

"You were always there for everybody Britt," she turns to me and smiles, "It's weird how we've grown up but you're the one the remains the same. This loving, caring girl that worries about people that hardly ever put her first on their list."

"I'm selfish," I deadpan and her smile fades. "I'm one of those people that care about other people to make themselves feel better. My dad taught me it. He said don't be afraid to be selfish because you're able to do great things for other people, while still feeling good about yourself. Selfish doesn't mean you have the cake and it to. I like being selfish, because when I'm selfish it doesn't hurt any more."

"What doesn't hurt any more?"

"Things people did to me, or do to me. Like my dad dying or my mom drinking and paying more attention to my brother. She doesn't do it as often now but that's because I'm older and I've told her things. Santana also."

I don't know if I should go into great detail about my relationship with Santana, because I'm supposed to be helping Rachel and she might think I'm being the other kind of selfish.

"You feel for Santana, the way I feel for Quinn." I don't expect those words to leave her mouth but I find myself nodding. I'm in love with Santana, but Rachel doesn't know that. Rachel probably likes Quinn alot because she thinks that's how I feel about Santana. Either way I keep nodding.

"It's okay though," she speaks again, "Quinn and Eric are having a baby, I'm going back to New York to study teaching in a few months and you have Santana and you have to promise you'll let that girl know how lucky she is to have you."

Happy tears. Rachel notices them and rubs them from my eyes. "I'm so glad you're going back home." Rachel's home was never in a place like Ohio. Her talent is far too big for this town.

* * *

I'm sitting beside Santana at my house. Sam is on the floor in front of us with his fingertips pointed to the ceiling and his palms pressed together. I'm not talking because he asked me a question I don't want to answer. Santana's butt shifts in the chair and I feel her closer now. I can tell she wants to place her hand on my knee out of comfort or even hold my hand or pat my shoulder, which would seem awkward, but still comfortable because it's her.

"Brittany please, at least let me see Brett."

"No," I reply firmly.

"Why not?"

"Because you only want to smoke pot with him!"

"Shh! Mom is just upstairs."

"You're right, maybe I should ask her what she thinks."

I think Sam is addicted to pot already. He's young and shouldn't even know what a joint is. This small town should have never influenced or planted the knowledge of drugs in his mind. I could understand if he lived in a big city, but Lima? I don't even want to know how Brett found the pot.

"No, no, please."

"Britt," Santana whispers beside me. It sounds like she feels sorry for Sam but I don't want to give in to her even though I know how easily I will.

"He can't go out."

"Why don't we go with him," Santana suggests calmly, "we could keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't smoke anything."

I think about it while staring at Santana and realise that I've forgotten to breath so I slowly exhale and then look towards Sam. He looks hopeless. He looks kind of like I did after Santana left. He isn't crying but his heart is. I don't know why I'm romanticising Sam's relationship with a drug, but it is like Santana because I can't get enough of her.

"That's an awesome idea," Sam grins at her and I frown back at both of them.

"Fine," I sigh, "but no drugs!"

"No drugs!" Sam promises and then runs upstairs to get his shoes.

Santana laughs softly beside me and I hit her shoulder with mine. "Sorry," she raises her hands in defence, "but he just wants to see his friend."

"A friend that's a really bad influence on him, they're only young San."

"Brittany," she whispers leaning closer to me, "when we were young, well, when I was young," she laughs, "I wasn't the perfect child."

I bite the inner wall of my mouth and watch her lips move. She's telling me something. There is something deep beneath her words that she wants me to realise. I shake my head and nod slowly.

"I wasn't perfect."

I feel light pressure against my lips. Santana pulls back and smiles. "You're closer then me."

Why does she have to make me feel like I'm just beginning my life again. Like I've stepped onto a new planet and staring into the eyes of my future. It's refreshing and colourful. I can see it. This moment in time when I realise I never want her to disappear. I may have thought it before, but never spoke about it because it was hard to put into words.

I fold my hand over hers and brush our noses together. I don't know how to reply with words so I kiss her this time. She lets out this tiny whimper and I inwardly smile that I was able to get her to do that with just a kiss. My hand that isn't holding hers lands on her thigh. My thumb points in between the space of her thighs and creeps down and down.

She's breathing harder now and I don't notice that I am to because I'm pretty sure when you kiss someone you're only focused on the sounds you're able to get them to make. I don't know whether to touch her down there like I did before because we're not alone in my house. Not that we were alone in Santana's trailer, but my brother tends to creep around the house like a ninja.

I open my eyes and pull my hand back to my side. "Sam might come back."

"He knows you're gay right?" I nod and watch her smile hold words that she's refusing to say.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just," she bows her head and rubs her thumb over my knuckles, "you're really brave Brittany. I wish I was too."

"You're with Rosie," I state, hoping it will make her feel better. But it makes me feel worse thinking about it.

"Not really," she says with a smirk, "and I'm not talking about my sexuality I'm just talking about well, everything. I haven't got the guts to tell Quinn or Rachel about my record label. Why do I feel responsible to tell everyone something that happens in my life that doesn't involve them?"

"I feel that way all the time. You shouldn't have to tell them. I'm glad you told me," I smile and brush the hair out of her face, "but you should be able to tell the people you want to, not because you know them and you feel an obligation too."

Santana's face is blank now, but her mouth is slightly open. Her eyes are diamonds. "Okay," she breathes.

"Come on let's go!" We turn to Sam who is slamming his right foot in his shoe and bouncing near the door.

Santana drives her truck because I didn't want her to have to come all the way back and get it. It doesn't matter though, she's insisting to drop Sam and I home so it wouldn't have mattered whose truck we took.

The engine hasn't even cut off yet but Sam's already jumping out of the truck and sprinting towards the garage. Only Burt is working today so it would probably be easy for Brett to sneak off and smoke. I wonder why they always meet here. It's not like it isn't a public place, it's probably the most visited in Lima, besides the grocery store. And the high school.

There's so much open space, Brett could easily tell Sam to meet him anywhere. I wonder what it would be like if Santana still lived in Lima. We could have been girlfriends for four years or more. That's only if Santana would have come out. I think living in Hollywood helped her find herself a little, so in the end it was better for her to leave Lima. I think I wonder too much and spend so little time in reality. That's why my mom would get angry when I didn't respond to her simple questions straight away. She thought something was wrong with me. It's funny how things end up.

"What did it say under your year book picture?" She stops walking ahead of me and her lips purse together but her eyes smile.

"Why?" I shrug my shoulders. "_I really thought the day I graduate would be the day Breadstix delivers,_" she recites. I laugh really loud and it surprises her because her eyes widen.

"Th-they still don't deliver?" My laughter fades.

"Well maybe they do I don't know, you're the one that lives here," she jokes. Breadstix is also a great place where tonnes of people visit. We could never afford to go there. Even now I think I could only get one bread stick - and I'm pretty sure they're free.

"What did yours say?"

"Um, it was a quote."

"From what?"

"A book."

"What book?"

"The Catcher in the Rye, heard of it?"

"Of course, we studied it in-"

"Sophomore year," I finish her sentence and she smiles. "I sat two seats diagonal to your left and you would always be the only Cheerio that didn't have their phone inside their book."

"You remember that?" She breathes.

"Of course."

Her smile disappears slightly and she just stares at me. "What um," she clears her throat, "what did the quote say?"

I dig my toe into the dirt below and remember the words in my head before speaking, "_It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to._"

Santana's eyebrows dip as she thinks. "You pretended to be the weird kid," I look down shyly, "you were really smart weren't you?"

"Smart kids don't exactly have the best high school experience, but neither do weird kids, I learnt."

She steps forward and places both of her hands on my shoulder, rubbing her thumbs across my collarbone. "We can be weird together," she whispers.

"Awesome," I reply with a grin.

Sam left while we were remembering and I don't really feel worried. Because worrying for Sam now will take away this amazing feeling Santana just gave me while we were remembering. She takes my hand and pulls me around the back of the garage. We're trying to find him on the field. He's pretty fast so even if we do find him, he'll just run off. I don't think he realises that we live in the same house, the same small town, and he'll have to come home eventually.

We spot them behind the same tree they were hiding behind the first time. You'd think that Sam would have been smart enough to change locations.

"I don't care any more," he sighs and inhales the joint right in front of me. He looks angry but I can tell he's upset and he's over being told what to do, especially but his older sister but I can't help it. My mom has no idea and that's probably my fault. I could have told her. I don't want her to be disappointed in Sam though.

"I'll smoke if you promise you'll stop."

Santana turns to me with an amused look on her face. Brett's lips turn up in a lazy grin but his eyes have lost their focus. "Dude, go for it," he croaks out, handing me the joint.

"As if you can handle it, you're the last person who would smoke," Sam implies with a half smirk on his lips. I roll my eyes and roll the joint between two of my fingers. I've seen people smoke, I can do this.

"Britt, don't worry about it," Santana cuts in.

"No, it's okay," I look Sam dead in the eye, "You promise you'll stop?"

Sam nods quickly, anticipating my first drag. I close my eyes when the joint makes contact with my lips and carefully inhale. It smells horrible but my mouth feels cleansed in a way. I don't know how to describe it. When I exhale, it's smooth and I don't cough.

"Thank you," I say to Brett and he nods dumbly at me while taking back his joint, "you know what Sam, if you want to smoke weed you can smoke weed. I won't stop you because you have to learn the consequences of what you do early in life."

"Are you serious?"

I grin and nod. "We're going to have dinner at our house-"

"We are?" Santana asks surprised.

"-so stay out here for as long as you want."

"Sweet," Sam says, bumping his fist against Brett's.

I turn to Santana and notice her eyes keep wandering to my lips. "We are."

* * *

I text Rachel, Quinn, Terri, and April while Santana texts Cassie and Rosie. I don't want anyone to be left out, so I invite all of the girls to my house for dinner. I don't know what food everybody likes so Santana helps me out at the store. We choose pasta, because everybody loves pasta. It feels weird asking Rosie to my house while Santana is with me because it should be them asking me to their trailer.

Rosie and Santana are technically still seeing other, but nobody sees Santana more than I do. I think I deserve this time with her. I hope her mom doesn't think I'm stealing her away, because I don't want her to miss out on seeing her daughter before she falls asleep permanently. So I tell Santana she should should go back to her place after we have dropped the groceries at my house.

She doesn't hesitate, she just nods. I think she realises that her mom needs here too. "I'll see you tonight," she says before driving. It's okay that she didn't kiss me before she left, because I know she's coming back. If we kissed it would feel domestic, but also sort of like a goodbye. If she kissed me then she would have known that she wasn't coming back because she would have wanted to taste me one more time before she left for good. But what if she didn't want to kiss me before she left for good because she wouldn't be able to leave?

"Santana!" I call out, chasing after her truck. The dirt that the wheels collect enters my throat and I have to stop and I cough really loud. But Santana doesn't here and she keeps driving off home.

I return back to my house and grab a glass of water for my throat. I've stopped coughing but it feels itchy. I finish the whole glass before washing it and placing it in a group with all of the other clean glasses. I stack plates next to the glasses. My mom sneaks up behind me and almost makes me knock them over.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm cooking dinner tonight. April and Terri are coming over. So are Quinn, Rachel, Cassie, Rosie and Santana."

"Wow Brittany, you really think you'll be able to feed all those mouths?"

"Well you could help me?" I ask with a hint of desperation and my mom grins.

"What are you making?"

"Pasta." She rolls her eyes and grabs a pot from the cupboard. She turns the stove on and fills the pot with water.

"You wanna make the sauce?"

"It's already made," I say with sheepish grin. She rolls her eyes again and shakes her head in amusement.

The pasta is ready half an hour before everyone has to be here. I hope Rachel comes because I told Quinn not to bring Eric. It's a girls night after all. I wonder if Quinn knows about Rachel's feelings for her. I doubt she does because she wouldn't have flaunted her boyfriend who she's having a kid with, right in front of her. Unless she just wants Rachel to understand - understand that she can't give her the love she wants.

My mom is dressed nice tonight. It's the first time she's worn a nice dress in years. Sam came home 15 minutes ago and isn't allowed to go out until the weekend. I told my mom I was with him but he said he wouldn't be long so I left him at the garage. Sam rolled his eyes and took the punishment like an adult. I'm glad he did. Even though he'll continue smoking pot, at least he isn't acting different at home.

"Why are there so many plates?"

"It's girls night," I chirp and he instantly stiffens.

"No way, oh mom can't I please stay at Jake's just tonight?"

"Jake can come here," my mom says calmly.

"Fine," Sam grumbles and grabs his phone out to call him.

"Stay upstairs," I tell him.

"Don't worry we will," Sam replies seriously.

I ruffle his hair and he leaves. My mom is sitting on the sofa in the living room. Her hands are rubbing together roughly and I can notice every breath she takes. Her eyes close and her lips stick out when she exhales. I open a bottle of wine we had in the cupboard that has been there for years. I don't know why mom hasn't opened it yet.

"Here." I hand her a glass and she smiles.

"This was your father's favourite."

"I shouldn't have opened it, sorry," I mumble but she waves her hand to shut me up.

"It's really nice, have a sip," she offers.

"I'll pour my own and we can drink it – _in moderation_ – together." She blushes and waits for me to pour some into my own glass until she takes another sip.

We sit there until the guests arrive.

* * *

It's 20 minutes later when the first guest, April, arrives. My mom set candles on the table while I was showering and put some make up on. April instantly hugs my mom and tells her the latest gossip around town - which isn't much.

I stand in front of the fireplace. We haven't used it since I was young, during Christmas time. I've swapped my wine for hot chocolate - my brothers treat - which he let me have if I let him chill in my room because it's cooler in there. The drink is warm in my palms.

There's a knock at the door and I take one step forward but my mom stops me. She's having fun greeting people. Hardly any one comes over any more which means she never gets to entertain.

"Hola ladies!" Oh my god. I could recognise that greeting anywhere.

"Holly!" I squeal and place my hot chocolate on the coffee table before wrapping my arms around her neck.

"What's up girl?" She looks really tanned.

"Hi, nothing, come in," I rush out and pull her hand to tug her inside. She plops down on the sofa and I offer to get her a drink. I didn't even notice Terri come in behind her.

"I found this lady at the bar tonight," Terri informs us. My mom hugs her and they join April and Holly on the sofa.

"What were you doing there by yourself?" My mom asks. I don't want to bring up that she does that all the time because Holly hasn't been in town for a year and she doesn't know and doesn't need to know. My mom would get mad at me for bringing it up.

"Oh you know me, I go wherever the music is. I was actually planning to call in to all you ladies houses tonight but I'm glad Terri found me."

Terri smiles proudly and I grin at her and offer her a drink. Holly and Terri both want the wine my mom is drinking. I get two glasses and here a knock against the door again. I look over and my mom has once again answered it.

I turn back my attention to pouring the drinks. I hear two voices and instantly recognise one of them. Santana greets my mom first then re introduces herself to the other ladies.

"You scored the record deal!"

"Yeah," Santana says awkwardly to Holly.

"Right on girl," Holly replies, "how fun is it working in the big city?"

"So much fun," Santana says with fake enthusiasm that Holly takes as the real thing. She grins and turns back to the other ladies.

Santana steps into the kitchen when she notices me watching and I place down the two glasses and wrap my arms around Santana. Nobody is looking so I breathe her in and sigh. "I've missed you," I whisper against the collar of her shirt.

"I've missed you to, so much," she answers back quietly. I wish Santana's mom could have been here. Her mom and my mom would have gotten along so well because they both don't have husbands. I'm not actually sure what happened to Santana's dad. In high school I heard one of the cheerleaders saying that he was never home, always earning money. That's all he cared about apparently. It looks like he left his wife without it.

Santana reaches for one of the glasses and I slap her wrist. She smirks at me and saunters off into the living room. I grab the glasses and follow her, handing them to Terri and Holly. My mom got April a glass so that's okay. Now only Santana needs something. So I go back to the kitchen and pour her a glass of red. The door rumbles again. It's Cassie this time and ... Rosie?

I forgot to ask Santana why they didn't come together. Cassie and Rosie and giggling as they walk in. They both greet my mom and everyone else. It looks weird, because Cassie's introducing Rosie to the women. Shouldn't that be Santana's job?

Wait, Rosie did say she was meeting new people every time she went out. Maybe her and Cassie are best friends now. I shake away that thought when I notice Rosie's hand linger just above Cassie's butt. Definitely more than friends.

I greet them quickly as I pass to reach Santana. She's standing by the sofa with not really including herself in any conversation. She looks lost. I hand her her glass and she instantly brightens up. Then I move to pick up my hot chocolate and stand in front of the fire place again. I watch Santana, watch Rosie and Cassie. I don't think she's jealous because really, if they're anything, they're only lady sex buddies.

My mom excuses herself and heads to the kitchen. I should help her, it would be an excuse to not stand amongst all this tension filled conversation. Cassie glimpses towards Holly and Holly scoffs.

"Got something to say?"

"Ladies," April rises to her feet to warn them. Terri also stands and approaches Cassie.

"I'm good," she lifts her hands in defence and juts out her bottom lip. "So girls," she turns to Santana and then me, "Brittany and Santana performed an awesome tango number at the studio the other day."

She has a smirk on her lips and I don't know why. Is there something she's going to tell everyone? They all know I'm a lesbian and that I like Santana. Well, I love her, but they know enough. Holly doesn't know though. She's eyeing me curiously.

"You dance?" she asks.

"She's amazing," Santana enters the conversation. I'm blushing really hard now. My hands are clasped tightly around my mug of hot chocolate.

"I bet she is," Rosie mumbles under her breath. The front door opens. I didn't even hear anybody knock. Quinn steps inside and Rachel follows her. I'm really happy to see her here. I look at her first and she sends me a sad smile, shaking her head. I think she told Quinn and things are the same as before. I wish Rachel could have who she loves.

Quinn hugs me and I wrap my arms tightly around her. She tells Holly she's pregnant and the older blonde nearly drops her glass. "Fabray, you're the one I pegged in high school for an unplanned pregnancy."

"Teachers shouldn't do that," I add monotonously but they ignore it.

"It wasn't unplanned," Quinn objects.

"It was random," Rachel adds while gritting her teeth together. She desperately wants to say more, but knows she can't. Quinn's mouth falls open to say something back but she just turns to Holly and continues their conversation. I tug on Rachel's hand for comfort and she smiles in thanks. She visibly relaxes and starts conversation with April.

"Dinner's ready!" My mom yells from the kitchen. We all walk into the dining room and sit at the table. Santana is beside me, opposite Cassie and Rosie.

"So you two are dating?" I ask when we're 15 minutes into the meal.

"No honey," Cassie replies with a smirk. Rosie isn't smirking though. She actually looks nervous.

"It's ridiculous the prices of vodka these days!" I hear April whine at the other end of the table. I block her voice out and watch Rosie intently. She isn't looking up from her food.

"What's wrong?" I look right and watch Santana observe my face.

"Nothing, I just have to pee." I stand up and walk to the bathroom. Once I wash my hands and stare in the mirror for a few seconds to gather myself I open the door. Cassie is standing there with her arms folded across her chest.

"Are you in love with Santana?" she asks bluntly.

"Yes," I reply immediately before my brain can evaluate what she just asked.

"Okay," she mumbles, "well you know her and Rosie are together..."

"They aren't really."

"Yeah I know right, how weird is that?" her lips curve up into a genuine smile and I find myself grinning back.

"It's Hollywood I guess." Cassie's face falls. I think I brought up bad memories by saying that.

She shakes her head and steps forward. "Rosie and I aren't together either, we're not even having sex. I mean I wanted too, but she said she couldn't."

"Why?" It's none of my business.

"I have an idea, but she wouldn't tell me in detail."

"So what are you going to do?" I ask timidly.

"With Rosie? Nothing. There are plenty guys and girls that would love a piece of this," she winks and steps closer to me.

"I love Santana," I whimper immediately.

She rolls her eyes and steps back. "What is with this girl? Everybody bloody loves her."

"She's awesome," is my only response. Cassie smirks and wraps her arm around my shoulder and walks me back to the dining room. She joins into the ladies conversation while Rosie picks at her food until we've all moved outside onto the porch. There are few seats so Santana and I sit on the ground.

"Want to go somewhere?" she whispers in my ear subtly.

"Okay, let's go," I respond instantly and grab her hand. Everyone is mixed up in conversation so they don't notice that we walk inside. Well even if they do I don't notice them noticing. I'm sure Rosie noticed, I kind of feel bad.

Santana pulls me upstairs and opens my bedroom door. Sam and Jake are standing in the middle of my room with lipstick on their mouths and two of my bras on their heads.

"Get out!" I squeal and chase them until they've dropped my underwear and leave. I slam the door and start fuming. Santana's standing in the middle of the room holding my bra in her hand with a smirk on her face. She puts the strap between her teeth and snarls at me.

"What um, what are you doing?" She lets the bra drop to the floor and moves forward. Her palms press against my stomach and she slides them slowly up my body until she's squeezing my boobs. I breathe out a shaky sigh and watch her hands work my boobs like they're kneading dough.

"Santana-" She catches my words with her lips as she kisses me. I'm pushed back against my desk and my hands fly around her waist to pull her in. Her tongue slides inside my mouth and greets an old friend. Our lips work against each other's like they're in a duel and we both desperately want to come out of this the winner. She sets her hands on my shoulders and glides her fingertips along my neck. I shiver and pull her closer.

Her breath isn't steady any more and I try to sooth her with my tongue. It seems to make her shudder even more so I stop kissing her and instead plant my lips on the hinge of her jaw a few times. I then turn as around so her back is against the desk. I'm so glad she's wearing a dress.

I crouch down until I'm kneeling in front of her. I stare at the part of her dress that's hiding everything I want right now. She tugs on my hair and I lift my head up to meet her eyes. "Go slow," she whispers and I nod.

I slowly tug her dress up until it's bunched up around her waist. She's wearing see through white underwear. It's lace and thin. I tug it down without further thought. I've done this before, but that doesn't make me not want too.

Her fingers tangle in my hair as I lean forward. I kiss the part of flesh where her pubic bone is and then suck on her clit. Her thighs shake. I wet my lips and lean in again, again, again, again until she's shaking uncontrollably. Her fingers are digging into my skull.

"Oh god."

I spread her legs further apart and she sighs. I lean in again and cover her with my mouth. My tongue performs quick, consistent licks against her and even probes inside her of every once in a while.

"Oh baby, don't stop." She's never called me that. It feels awesome. She tastes awesome. Her hips jut forward and I don't even need to lean in any more. Soon enough she's unable to stand up straight for more then 3 seconds without stumbling.

"You've never done that before?" she asks. I shake my head. Her eyes squint, like she's thinking of another question. "Have you been with anyone since me?"

Nobodies asked me that, because people know not to get personal. I shake my head slowly. My lips quiver until forming a smirk. "Wanna try one of those positions?" She grins back at me and throws her under, which was around her ankles, to the floor. She bounces passed me and jumps on my bed. Her knees are bent and I have a new favourite view besides her face close up and when she laughs.

"We can try a new one later after everyone is gone, they're gonna take a while to get into and out of," I say with a wink. Santana rolls her eyes and I think I see her shudder again at the thought of what I said. After Santana has put her underwear back on we head downstairs and I notice Quinn and Rachel are absent from the group.

"Cassie dropped Rosie home," my mom informs me. Santana scoffs and I frown at her. We walk further outside and I suggest we find Rachel and Quinn. Once we head around the back of the house I hear two voices. I peek around the corner and watch Rachel lean into to kiss Quinn but Quinn turns her head and pushes Rachel back.

"No Rachel, you don't belong here," Quinn states angrily.

"I belong with you Quinn," Rachel replies desperately.

"No!" Quinn begins to walk away but Rachel grabs her.

"You're going back to him to have your baby and start a family?"

"Quinn's pregnant?" Santana hisses in my ear.

"Oops, forgot to mention it," I mumble back and she just shakes her head in amusement.

"Yes Rachel I am, because he can give me security and you can't even get into a stupid performing arts school!" Ouch.

Rachel's crying now but she isn't letting Quinn see. Quinn hears her though and moves forward, "I am so sorry."

I watch the tears land on the gravel beneath Rachel's feet and I watch how she lets Quinn hug her after she's just been told something so hurtful from the one person she adores. Santana's hand touches mine and she slowly tangles our fingers together. We watch them together act like they've been happily married for most of their life. They look perfect together - even though Rachel's sobbing and Quinn hasn't said anything for a while.

I think these are perfect moments though, despite the sadness. Because you have that one person there and they can tear you down and make you feel like nothing, but in the end realise how much you actually mean to them. They comfort you after everything and in the end that's all you need in that moment.

"I hope you can make it Sunday," Quinn mutters against Rachel's hair. She nods. She will make it, for Quinn.

Santana and I head back inside and wait for them to return. When they do, Rachel looks like she was never crying and Quinn looks proud but also sad at the same time. "We have to get going now, but I was hoping you ladies are free on Sunday for a little party."

"What are we celebrating?" Santana asks grinning.

"Well, Brittany probably already told you but if not, I'm pregnant."

"Oh, Brittany didn't mention anything," Santana says over enthusiastically walking over to Quinn, "congratulations!"

"Thanks," Quinn responds through laughter. I watch Rachel smile. I think she understands now. She understands what those people mean when they sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go.

* * *

Sometimes (and I don't say it out loud) I don't know why actors are famous. I wonder why nurses or doctors don't have red carpets laid out for them when they walk into a hospital. I know there are documentaries on hospitals and people saving other people but I think they need more. The people that save lives every day need more then actors do because in the news papers there is a section just for famous people and some of the articles are really dumb.

If an actor breaks down in an interview because something happened to their family or they're going through a hard time, it shouldn't be news. It should be treated as a normal issue that is dealt with by the family itself and not spread around the world.

I'm not pooping on Rachel's dream, because I know she wouldn't want the fame along with her Broadway career or teaching career. It's just a thought, because apparently Rosie had a dream last night that she was an actress and won an award for some horror movie role. I've never read the newspaper properly in my life, but if Santana was in it I would. I should ask her if she was. I hope she wasn't in it for getting dropped by her record label.

If Rosie ends up in the news paper it's probably going to be because she broke into a famous persons hotel room and tried to dress like them. What was Rosie before anyway? I never asked her if she was a model.

She's throwing her clothes in her suitcase like they're those balls you throw at the target at the fair. Santana looks disturbed because apparently Rosie never acts like this. I should leave them alone. Just as I'm about to head towards the door Rosie slams it closed.

"No Brittany, stay! Hook up with my girlfriend in front of me this time!"

"Wha..."

"Oh don't act stupid."

"Don't call her that!" Santana cuts in but I can't thank her because now I'm wondering what Rosie is trying to tell me.

"You and Santana the other day, fucking around in _our _bed. Don't think I didn't hear you two. I'm a good actress, I just played it off like it was nothing."

"That's not called being a go-"

"Shut up! I'm going back to pursue what I never could because I was with," she turns to Santana with a face of utter disgust, "_you." _

Santana looks really small, smaller then she looked when I saw her for the first time in four years. She looks embarrassed. I think she feels out of control, because I know she's holding back. I'm watching her and she's holding back how she really feels.

"And yesterday at _her _house. Don't think I didn't notice you two sneaking off."

"You're with Cassie!" Santana says incredulously.

"I'm going," I mutter and don't expect them to hear me but Santana pushes passed Rosie to stop me. I'm already outside, walking towards my car when she starts talking. It isn't what I want to hear.

"I'm sorry Brittany, I just have to sort some stuff out with Rosie."

"She's in love with you," I say without thinking. "She's always been in love with you and you didn't want to notice it. She's not even seeing Cassie." Santana nods blankly.

"She's been there for me, I need to at least hear her out. I won't take long if you want to hang out la-"

"You know Santana," I breathe, stopping just in front of my truck. "You say you want to sort things out because she's done a lot for you and she's in love with you. But where were you when I fell in love with you? Are you going to leave me again and go with Rosie because she's been good to you? I never got the chance to be good to you Santana so I guess I'm not worth you sticking around."

"Brittany..."

"Just sort it out with Rosie, I need to sort some things out myself."

"What does this mean?" I step into my truck and roll down the window.

"For the first time, I'm not sure. I'll see you at Quinn's on the weekend probably, if you still want to go?" I leave the question hanging in the air and when Santana doesn't answer I roll my eyes and drive off.

I understand as well now. When you love someone you have to let them go.


	7. The promises

**authors note; **I wanted to get this out before Christmas, enjoy.

**disclaimer; I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

**p.s sorry for any mistakes. **

* * *

I haven't seen Santana since she told me she needed to sort things out with Rosie. That was a few days ago. Now I'm not sure if Rosie left or if Santana left with her. They haven't been around the store at all and I would know because I've been working non-stop this week. My mom has been telling me it's for the best because at least now if Santana's gone then I'll earn enough money to follow her.

I don't really know if I want to follow her though. My mom should understand what Santana's put me through before and if it's happening again now the last thing I would do is go after her. I hope she hasn't gone though and I kind of hope her and Rosie worked out so they can stay here longer. I know it's selfish because I would want to spend every spare moment with Santana but I can't help how I feel. No one can.

Today is another boring day which involves me waking at up 8:30am and going to the diner to get breakfast before going to work. I ran into Quinn when she came by the grocery store two nights ago. She explained that she was cooking a meal for Eric and it had to be Italian because that's what they both loved. I told her to ask Rachel for the best ingredients because Rachel is like half Italian and she could help. I think when I mentioned Rachel it stung Quinn. They both work together so it wouldn't be easy, unless they have sorted everything out.

The diner isn't as crowded today and there are barely any staff working. I think because it's the staff are allowed to work from home cooking breakfast and delivering it to people that call the diner. I think it would be fun to work here. Sam says I make really good bacon.

I order the usual and head outside to go to work. Jerry isn't happy when I spill some egg on the floor and I automatically run to get a mop. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

I can hear him laughing. I like those moments when you think someone is mad at you but they end up smiling or laughing and you end up feeling 10 times better. I wonder if Santana felt that when I told her we could start fresh despite her absence.

I get a call half an hour into my shift from Rachel saying she needs me to come to the bar straight away. I tell her it isn't possible right now but I'll be there on my break. I think I hear her curse but I just hang up and go back to work.

"Somebody told me that baked beans were half price today for good looking men."

I snap my head towards the door and my jaw drops almost instantly. Noah Puckerman is standing there in a leather jack and sunglasses that swallow his face. He has a smirk on his lips as he moves forward and removes his shades.

"Brittany Pierce," he says.

"How do you know my name?"

"I'm Puck, I remember every hot girl in my school."

"Wow," I breathe, "Okay. How have you been?" I ask timidly. He walks down an isle and stops in front of the canned food.

"Well I do live in LA where a hot woman stands at every corner..."

"I thought they were prostitutes," I mutter but he hears me and raises an eyebrow.

"I underestimated you in high school Pierce. You are definitely not as innocent as you look." The smirk is back on his face. "But if you must know really, Los Angeles is incredible, it's exactly where I want to spend the rest of my life."

"That's awesome."

"How about you?" He asks, leaning against a shelve and looking directly into my eyes.

"Well, you know Lima, it's okay."

"Whose still left in this town? Jake tells me he's been flirting with Fabray every time she passes through the garage."

I laugh, "Well yeah Quinn's here and Rachel..."

"Berry?" I nod. "I thought she would be long gone by now."

"So did everyone else," I mumble sadly.

"So is that it? Just you three girls," he says suggestively wiggling his eyebrows.

I roll my eyes, then contemplate whether telling him Santana is here is a good idea. They were competitive in high school from what I witnessed. They would start arguments in front of the entire school and one time the principle was called because Santana threatened Puck in Spanish. I don't what she said but it was really sexy.

"Yeah, we're it."

"Well I might buy these," he hands me two cans, "and I'll see you around Pierce."

"Awesome," I reply with a smile and bring the items to the counter.

* * *

I arrive at the bar two hours later because of the random rush of people that wanted half price baked beans. I didn't take Puck seriously when he said that, but seeing all those people expecting 10 cans really scared me. Jerry was even hiding in the store room and telling me to stand near the register.

When I spot Rachel near the pool table she immediately grabs my arm and takes me into the bathroom. I ask her what's going on but freeze when my eyes spot Santana standing at the opposite end of the room. She's fuming so heavily I can almost see the comical steam shooting from her ears. She grits her teeth as she walks forward.

"You called her?" She yells at Rachel.

"Santana none of us know what to do with you!" I know I should be wondering what they're talking about and what it all means, but I can't help but be really happy that Santana didn't leave again.

"You had no right calling her."

"What did I do?" It slips out of my lips before I can help it.

"Nothing!" Santana shoots strongly. I flinch at the volume of her voice and turn to Rachel but she's not there any more. She left. I don't know how to calm this Santana down because I've never witness this Santana up close and alone.

"Don't yell at me, please." She notices the smallness of my voice and her features soften. She purses her lips and looks as though she could cry at any second. Not slowly either, just sob straight away with the whimpering noises and everything.

"I didn't want to tell you I was here, b-because I just didn't want t-to feel..."

"Feel what?"

She sniffles and shakes her head. "Feel for you." Why wouldn't anyone want to feel something for another person when that other person feels everything for them?

"Why is that a bad thing?"

"Because I don't want to hurt you again Brittany."

"Were you trying to get over me?" I ask, slightly surprised.

"Yes okay! I was. It hasn't been working. I've been spending nights in my truck outside your house desperately wanting to see you but I couldn't."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because being left behind sucks." I watch her expression change from being sad to being completely drained of every emotion.

"Who left you behind?"

"Rosie left."

I gasp, "You didn't go with her?" She shakes her head.

"I don't feel anything for her, I never did. It was purely a comfort thing for when I was alone. I just know that when my mom passes, I'll know how you felt when I left you."

"Santana don't compare our situation to your mom's sickness. She has it so much worse and you need to be with her. You didn't need to be with me I just wanted you to be."

"Okay, I'm sorry I just, Rosie left and I started working here knowing that you visit here alot because of Rachel and Quinn. So I thought I wouldn't have to be the one to come after you, you would just bump into me here."

"Why didn't Quinn or Rachel tell me this earlier?" I ask frowning.

"I told them not to."

"But you wanted to see me..."

"Yes I did. But I also wanted to save you."

"Save me from what?"

She pauses and bites her lip, unable to look me in the eyes. I stare at her more firmly and she finally looks up. "From seeing me not being able to give you what you want." It wasn't the tone it was the words that weren't invited to possess it. She just stares at me for what feels like forever.

"Well," I exhale an unsteady breath, "if you were to speak to me at all this week you would know that I uh, I don't want you... any more."

I don't give her the chance to reply. I don't know why I said what I said, but when do I really? She told me the truth, I told her the... biggest lie of my life.

Once I run out of the bar I only then remember that I have to see her at Quinn's tomorrow.

* * *

If Rachel doesn't go to Quinn's why should I? I'm sure Rachel will skip and give her some mediocre excuse about getting the chicken pox suddenly. I think people would believe me if I used that lie, I just don't know why.

It's a late lunch, that's what Quinn told everyone. I can dress for lunch and dinner, but I have no idea what to wear to a late lunch. Is it a mix between the two? I decide to wear some thin material shorts which hug my waist comfortably. I wear a striped singlet top that I can easily tuck into my shorts. My mom lets me borrow her flat shoes because we're the same size and I don't really own late lunch shoes - I'm guessing flats are fine.

I realise I'm ready an hour before we're all supposed to get there, so I decide to join Sam in the living room.

"Where are you going?" He asks, his eyes still glued on the television.

"Quinn's pregnant so she's having a party."

"What if the baby pops out during the party and one of you has to like clean up the goo?" He scrunches his face.

"It isn't going to pop out, she only just found out."

He flicks through the channels until breathing out a big sigh and putting the remote down. "Is that girl that came over the other day your girlfriend?" He tilts his head in genuine curiosity.

I stay silent for ages because I didn't expect Sam to start talking to me about my love life - which is completely non-existent at the moment. I shake my head and look down to my lap. "No she isn't."

"She's really hot."

"I know," I giggle a little.

"Do you think you could ask her a favour for me?"

I frown at him and wait for him to continue.

"Can you ask her to pretend to be my girlfriend when I'm hanging out with Jake and Brett?"

"You do know Puck's back? And he knows Santana so that isn't going to work."

"Darn," he slaps his knee, "well she seems to really like you anyway, so I don't really have a chance."

"She's not my girlfriend," I reaffirm. Sam nods slowly before standing up and walking to the stairs.

"I could be your date to this party if you want?" I grin at him and watch him blush. "Hey, I'm just trying to be a good brother."

"It's okay Sammy, but I will bring you back leftovers."

"Sweet," he cheers and then runs upstairs. My mom is in the kitchen, sitting at the table and I enter quietly. She's drinking coffee and I think it's because she doesn't want to fall asleep until I'm home.

"What are you up to tonight?" I ask as I sit down across from her.

"Nothing really, I might watch an old film."

"That's nice," I say softly with a smile. She's smiles back at me and turns to put her coffee on the bench.

"So how are the girls? You got any gossip for your mom?"

I don't know why, but I felt the need to spill every thought on my mind at that moment and hope that my mom doesn't think I'm being a bad friend. "So I found out Quinn's pregnant which you probably already know because she was here last week with the other girls and before that though Rachel looked really upset when she found out Quinn is having a baby with a guy that I've never even met before until now," I take a deep breath, "so Santana and I were going to comfort Rachel, well I was, and Rachel said it doesn't matter because sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go and be happy without you and I realised that's what I had to do with Santana, but then I saw her yesterday and apparently Rosie went back to California without her and Santana is really fucked up at the moment," I frown, "well this whole situation is really fucked up at the moment because we both like each other, well I love her, but we can't seem to just say it and live together."

"Christ," my mom breathes softly.

"I know," I sigh and slide down in my chair.

"Well obviously you've been told how to handle your feelings from Rachel and probably Terri and April, knowing them, so I'm not going to say anything."

"But I need help mom," I plead.

"Brittany honey, you have to figure this out by yourself. Besides, what's the big deal about Santana anyway?" She smirks.

My eyes bulge out of my skull. "What's the big deal? She's incredible, she's an amazing singer, her voice gives me chills and her face just makes me want to kiss it all the time and she's such a gentlewoman..." I trail off, realising my mom's smirk has grown.

"You're so in love," she giggles.

I roll my eyes and tell her I'm leaving for Quinn's. She yells at me to be careful and I yell back I will and then leave.

* * *

Quinn's house is a lot nicer than mine. She lives next door to her mom and her step-dad. Quinn's home is almost made of all glass. It's got a sun room and really nice white curtains in every room.

I really like the simplicity of it all.

When I step into the house I'm greeted by her mother Judy who looks really happy that she's going to be grandmother. I look at her husband and greet him with a smile because I don't really know what to say. I've never met them before, I've just heard a lot about them from Quinn. There's not much to celebrate in Lima that often so we barely see each other outside of the bar and the grocery store.

They lead me towards the kitchen and from here I can see Quinn, Eric, Rachel (I smile that she came), two girls I've never seen before, Santana and Puck.

They're sitting on a bench beside each other and I suddenly don't want to go out there. I'm rooted to the thoroughly polished tiles until I feel a hand on my back. "Come on dear," Judy says.

I walk forward and step outside. I wish the ground wasn't all gravel because maybe I could have had a few seconds to adjust around everyone, but I made a loud sound when I walked out resulting in everyone's eyes on me.

All of a sudden Puck jumps to his feet and looks at me in shock. "Oh my god it's Britney Spears!"

Everyone is silent for a good 5 seconds before we all burst out into laughter. "Close but not really," I say with a wink.

"She can dance like her," Santana adds and I turn my head to her. She's smiling slightly, unsure if I'm still welcoming a compliment from her.

"How the hell would you know Lopez?" Puck interjects.

Santana sips on her drink and gulps. "We're, w-we're friends, so that's how I would know that Puckerman."

"Since when?" Puck's got a really over dramatic confused expression on his face as he looks from me to Santana and back again. I wait for her to speak but she doesn't. I notice everyone has kind of started talking to each other again so I doubt they'll notice anything I say.

"I love her," I say clearly and Puck's eyebrows shoot up while Santana's face slowly possess a pinkish hue, "I'm in love with her, so that's how," I shake my head quickly, "no I mean that's not how she knows I know how to dance, I just don't, um, I don't know why I said that."

"Wow," Puck breathes and punches Santana in the shoulder lightly, "that's why you weren't reciprocating to my flirting, this is awkward." He purses his lips and takes his beer to the other side of the garden where Quinn's dad and one of the girls stand.

"That was completely inappropriate to say out here Brittany, we're here for Quinn."

"So you're the appropriate and responsible one now?" I bite back. "Look Santana I'm content with what's happening right now between us, I meant it when I said I don't want you any more because we probably wouldn't have worked any way, I'm reliant on my mom and I'm in my mid twenties, I'm literally going nowhere in my life. So before you school me with social etiquette, I would like to tell you that I'm happy settling into the life I have for many more years to come and who knows maybe I'll find someone nice to live this comfortable life with."

"Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time." I frown at her and scoff.

"Who told you that?"

"You did," she smiles. Despite everything I just said to her, she smiles. "Junior year we studied _Dreams for an insomniac _and you had to read the part of Frankie. It was one thing that stuck in my mind. I couldn't remember your name, but I remembered that quote and I've been trying to live by that but obviously," she pinches her lips together, "it hasn't worked out for me because I keep running away from that sort of love."

It takes a few minutes to realise I haven't blinked, swallowed or spoken. Quinn hands me a glass of wine and then moves to sit by Rachel. If they can still be friends why can't Santana and me?

I shrug my eyebrows and walk to the table on the grass. I down my drink fast but know that I'm not having another. If I could reveal to a guy I haven't seen in four years that I was in love with Santana then who knows what I would say drunk.

Santana is still in her seat, facing away from me. She isn't talking to anyone and no one is talking to her. I can't help but think that she needs me in a way. I was the only one school friend she told about her label and I've been nice to her mom because I know things other people don't know. And when you have only one person that can save you from all the bullshit in your life, it's hard when they're not there.

Quinn announces that the food is ready and every lines up to grab a plate in the kitchen. I follow after a short while, because I don't want to be near Santana in the line. I want her to have space from me, because I know I've been acting strange especially before with Puck.

"Okay so if it's a boy we're naming it Liam and if it's a girl we're naming it Kimberly," Quinn says with a proud smile. Judy puts her palm to her chest and uses the other hand to grab her husbands shoulder.

"How beautiful," she says breathlessly.

"What are you going to name it if it comes out a fully aged man with a thick beard?" Puck jokes but no one laughs. Well, except me.

"Sorry," I mumble, trying to hide my smile.

"Hey Puck you know what you remind me of?" Quinn begins.

"What?"

"A really undernourished vagina," everyone bursts out laughing,"have you been groomed lately?"

"The ladies love the hawk," he replies confidently.

"It looks like a squirrel." Santana's giggling, Quinn's squawking, Eric's laughing with his mouth full, Rachel is laughing so loudly with her mouth so wide and the adults are smirking. The two other girls are giggling to each other. I think they're Quinn's cousins.

I feel happy. I've never made a whole group of people laugh. It sounds like an orchestra or a choir. Except of course everyone is off pitch.

We finish serving our food and all sit together outside on the table. Santana is opposite me, eating salad and roast chicken. I have food on my plate that goes untouched because I can't stop feeling. I like today. I enjoy these people and I adore the girl in front of me. I feel almost numb. I've never felt this much before.

I feel like calling my mom and telling her I love her and telling Sam that he's the best brother in the world. I want to tell Puck I love Santana again. I want to tell Santana I love her again and again. She knows I lied yesterday. She knows I want her and she knows I'll wait until she's ready to want me back.

Once all our plates are empty, we head inside and sit by the fire. The cool breeze has set in and everybody has put on either a woollen jumper or a coat. Santana has a tanned coat on. She's wearing a grey t-shirt and a black skirt. Her stockings cover her legs and feet, but I'm happy to know what beautiful skin lies beneath them.

Her eyes find mine across the room. She begins to smile but Quinn says her name and she's distracted. "You haven't spoke about your time in LA Santana, why don't you make Rach jealous and tell us how amazing is it to be famous."

Everyone's attention is on her but she doesn't look shy at all. I want to say something. I want to tell Quinn not to bring that up because there's a reason Santana doesn't talk about it. But before I'm able to open my mouth, Santana's speaking.

"I actually don't perform any more."

"What why?" Rachel almost yells.

"Well, my record label didn't want me any more," she says shrugging, "I won't go into detail, but I wasn't the angel everyone assumed I was. I'm kind of happy they did," she smiles to herself, "I think it was fate." She looks to me and I stare back just as intensely. Fate.

"That sucks," Puck adds.

"Sweetheart why did you return here though?" Judy asks in disbelief.

"Oh yeah, well I found out my mom was ill," everyone sends her a look of sympathy, "I would have come back to see her even if my label hadn't dropped me, but yeah. She hasn't got much time left."

"I'm sure she's happy to be spending this time with you," Rachel says with a soft smile. Santana nods and then slaps her palms against her thighs.

"Enough of me, this is Quinn's party we should be focusing on the little one inside of her."

Quinn smiles shyly and Eric holds her close.

"Where's the bathroom?" I ask Quinn.

"Oh I was there before I can show you if you want," Santana offers with an innocent smile. I nod automatically and the rest of the group involves themselves with a new topic.

"It's this way," Santana whispers, leading me down a hall. We reach the door and I step inside.

"Can you, um, wait out here?" I say shyly. She laughs and nods. I close the door.

Quinn's bathroom is really nice. It's all white with some purple mosaics in between the tiles near the sink. I wash my hands after I'm done and walk towards the door. When I open it, Santana is leaning against the opposite wall. She sees me step out and stands back up straight. I turn to walk but stop when I see a door half open. It's the nursery. I walk in and am mindful of Santana following me.

There's a single bed at the opposite end of the room and crib near the other wall. I walk to the bed and sit down slowly. I want to say something so bad but Santana is sitting down so close to me that I can barely breathe. I sense her leaning into me, but I'm not sure because I'm looking straight ahead.

She kisses my cheek, holding her lips there for longer than she should. I close my eyes automatically and slightly lean into to her, still facing ahead. She pulls back an inch and kisses me again, only this time her lips are pressing against the corner of my mouth. My lips twitch a little in response. She pulls back and this time uses her nose to brush against my skin. I turn my head towards her a little and she doesn't hesitate to kiss me on my lips this time.

I breath in through my nose and stay still. Her hand lands on the inside of my thigh. She knows my body so well she doesn't have to open her eyes to know where to touch me. I tilt my head left and open my mouth to swallow her lips. She lets out a satisfied moan and moves her hand to cup my vagina. She doesn't try to slide her fingers beneath my under or even my shorts.

Her tongue enters my mouth and I gasp softly. Her hands moves up and down and I begin to grind against it. I know she can feel how wet I am through the material but she isn't talking dirty about it. It isn't a bad thing. I enjoy this. I enjoy how intimate this is, because we're both passionate people wanting skin on skin contact. This feels so good.

She stops kissing me and our foreheads rest together. We're looking straight into each other's eyes, wondering what the other's thinking. Her hands presses hard against me and I gasp. She bites her lip, but doesn't smirk like she normally would. Suddenly, my chest feels heavy. Is she going to tell me something I don't want to hear? Maybe to her this is goodbye.

I can't think about it any more, because my centre is pulsing and shaking every time she presses her palm against me. I whimper and lean into kiss her again but she pulls back. I close my eyes and realise I'm slightly bouncing on the bed. Once the orgasm hits me, my hands crumple the bed sheets and I arch my back until she releases my sex.

When I open my eyes I notice the wet streaks down her cheeks. I lift my hands to wipe the tears away and she cries harder. She rests her head on my shoulder, she's shaking. I pull her onto me so she's straddling my lap. Her head doesn't lift off my shoulder, she just cries and cries and eventually falls asleep on me.

* * *

She wakes up half an hour later. Her eyes are red and swollen but I don't try and fix them because if you can't help something it shouldn't be fixed. No one had searched for us, but I can hear some jazz music playing out in the living room though.

Santana's staring at me and still straddling my lap. I don't know why she's like this. One minute she looks so put together and confident, especially around me, and the next minute she's completely broken to pieces. I want to tell her she can talk to me, but I want her to speak first. Her eyes flicker all over my face and linger on my lips. Her fingertips run through my hair in a repetitive motion. I want to be this close to her all the time, for the rest of our lives.

"I want to see if we can be something too," she whispers. I frown, before remembering the day at her trailer when she was taking a shower and I told her the same thing. "I want to try my best to give you what you want Britt."

My smile grows, as does hers. She then bites her lip and I know she wants to say something. I know it's not a goodbye now.

"I love you." Her voice is so strong when she says it. "We'll figure this all out together. I'll never leave you, ever."

"Say it again San," I whisper. She swallows before grinning.

"I love you." She says she loves me, she says we'll figure everything out together, she says she'll never leave me, ever, she says she'll try, and I know she means it now.


	8. The forevers

**authors note; **So here is the last chapter, short and sweet (kind of). I didn't want to finish this how I normally finish fics, because this entire fic is written differently to my others. Enjoy and leave a review if you can of things you enjoyed and I can improve on for my next one. I actually loved writing this and I'm appreciative for the reviews, favourites and follows. Until next time :)

**disclaimer; **I don't own Glee or it's characters.

**p.s **I apologize for any mistakes (this chapter was written without a plan and I enjoyed what I created, so I hope you do to.)

* * *

I woke up during the night. I checked my phone and it was the 3:24am. Santana is asleep beside me with her head facing me. I don't want to take her but I won't be able to get to sleep for another hour or so and I don't want to up alone. We're in her trailer, because I followed her back to her house after Quinn's. We spent some time with her mom. I found out she really likes card games, so we played simple ones like Go Fish and Spoons. Her breathing seemed so forced. She really wants to be alive to Santana grow up and get married and have babies. She's slipping away everyday, but she fights harder as well.

Santana thinks her mom wouldn't last a week after they found out she was ill. I know she's really happy to be with her mom just in case something bad happens. I would want to be with my mom too if I knew she was going to die. I'd want to be with her anyway, even if the doctors said she would live passed 100. Mom's are the best things we have, so I understand why Santana said she would have flown all the way here just to see her even if she wasn't sick.

I pat Santana's shoulder lightly and her eyes open. "What is it Britt?" She says still in a sleepy state. I slide down the bed so I'm at eye level with her again.

"I miss you," I whisper, "I miss you when my eyes are closed."

She smiles shifts her face closer to me. "I'm right here when you open your eyes Britt."

"I know," I reply softly. We stare at each other for a while, like we always do. Her fingers brush the stray hairs from my face, then continue to slide against my cheek.

"Why are you awake? Is it because you missed me?" She asks gently, bringing her fingers to my lips. I open my mouth slightly to kiss her fingers and she shivers.

"I think so," I tickle up and down her waist with my own fingers, "I got bored."

She giggles, "you got bored of sleeping?" I smile shyly and nod. "So you want to do something to get rid of your boredom?"

I can sense the change in her voice. Before she's able to try and take control, I roll over and settle on top of her. Our faces hover a few inches away and her breathing is shaky. I lean down and take her bottom lip between mine slowly and gently. She releases a satisfied whimper, so I press harder against her mouth. She arches her chest into mine and I'm aware we're wearing barely anything. Santana leant me a singlet and shorts and she wore the same to bed.

When we first got into bed we kissed for a while then fell asleep. Now we're both wide awake and my lips are trailing across her jaw to her neck. I suck softly at first, then nibble at her skin. She releases loud breaths into my ear as her breathing quickens. I continue to move my lips down to her chest and pull down her top, aware she isn't wearing a bra. I tease her nipple with my tongue, then take it in my mouth hungrily. I massage her other boob with my hand, pinching her nipple every so often just to hear her moan.

"That feels so good," she whimpers. I kiss her nipple then move further down her body. I lift up her singlet and lick across her stomach as she arches into my like one of those acrobats at the circus. My hands find the waist line of her shorts and pull them down to her ankles. I sit up and watch her expression transition from desperation to satiation. The heel of my hand presses against her centre and she gasps. I rub her in circles until her underwear is soaking.

I pull the material down to her ankles and attach my lips to her clit. I swirl my tongue against her until I feel her first orgasm hit her. When it does, her thighs enclose my head between her legs. I run my nails down her stomach soothingly until she's settled down again. Then I swipe my tongue against her entrance and she squeaks.

"Fuck." Her legs are now over my shoulders as I probe my tongue inside and out of her. She thrusts into my touch until she grows tired and weak. When she reaches her second orgasm, I slide my tongue up and down her folds slowly, so she can ride it out. I then sit up on my knees and run my hands up and down her thighs to relax her. She smiles up at me with her eyes half lidded. She sits up and kneels in front of me, staring and keep quiet.

Her hands meet my chest and she pushes me back slightly so I'm sitting on my butt. She mirrors me and before I can ask what she's doing, her hands are pulling down my shorts and underwear. She throws everything off the bed and then shuffles forward so one of her legs is over mine and the other is under. I look down at the space between us and it becomes smaller and smaller until our vaginas touch and I breathe in unsteadily.

She uses her hands to lift herself slightly and begins rubbing against me. My head flies back and I thrust into her.

"Oh my god," I moan. She slides her folds against mine faster and I can already feel myself cumming. Her nails dig into my thigh and scrape down the length to my knee.

"Shit, shit, shit," she pants and quickens her pace. I try and keep up but my arms are already sore. I've never done _this _before. I've thought about it of course - how it would feel. I've thought about how girls actually keep up their stamina to scissor for a long time. I want to do this more often.

My legs shake uncontrollably and I find myself fidgeting to keep them up right - to keep me rubbing against her. Santana falls back, her head hits the bed and she tries to keep going but we're both out of breath. I think of another way and quickly straddle one of her legs. I bend the leg I'm not sitting on so that our centres can touch and when they do again she lets out a choked moan and leans forward to rest on her elbows.

"Fuck, just like that," she says breathlessly. I hump her in lengthy, drawn out movements so I'm able to soak up her wetness. My hands end up taking hers and our fingers intertwine. She squeezes my hands as I thrust faster.

"Oh god," I release a strangled whimper. After I feel her cum down the length of my folds, I lazily fall to her side and bring her hands to my chest. We fall asleep in less than a minute.

* * *

I offered to cook us breakfast, but Santana said it would be easier to go into town to the diner to get breakfast because she had to get her mom something from the store. I'm not working today, because Jerry had to run some errands out of town and he closed the store until the afternoon. But I told Santana I had a key and that I could get what she needed.

She's in her mom's trailer right now and I'm out by my truck waiting. I think about earlier this morning when we had sex and how good it felt to know she wasn't going to leave the next day or have someone else to go back to other than myself. I'm excited to spend Christmas here with her, because the whole town goes carolling at night and our last stop is the bar where we all drink eggnog and tell our loved ones how happy we are that they're with us. I'm excited to spend Easter with her, thanksgiving with her and stand by her side when Quinn gives birth.

Santana's stepping out of the trailer with a forlorn expression on her face. She turns to me and waits for a moment. Her hands reach up to wipe her cheeks and I immediately know she's been crying. She looks down at the ground and her mouth twitches to speak.

"Um, s-she wasn't," she clears her throat, "wasn't responding, she, she um, she passed, she's gone." I walk towards her and wrap my arms around her waist. She hugs me back, just as tight. I'm expecting her to cry, sob even, but she doesn't. I think she used all her tears when she was inside with her mom.

I call an ambulance. Santana tells me the funeral will be in next week

* * *

The weather is warm the next day, but not as warm as it normally is. You could even say it's cold. Maybe I think it's cold because of what happened to Santana's mom yesterday. Because when people die you feel cold and alone but I'm glad Santana isn't alone right now. When my dad passed away I felt alone. Mainly because my mom was dealing with it in her own way and Sam barely spoke a word. He was so young.

We're at the diner, sitting by the window in the far corner. Neither of us have touched our food because I'm staring at Santana and Santana is staring outside. I can only think of things people told me when my dad passed away. They made me feel a little better, so maybe they'll make Santana feel a little better too. But we are two completely different people, who haven't experienced much as a couple. But I remember my parents relationship and what they would do together. I remember the look on my mom's face when my dad told her she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"I love you," I say. Santana's lips curve up in a small smile, but she keeps looking outside. Her eyes are as distant from me as the sun is from the earth. She's been like this since yesterday. She slept at my house but didn't want to talk to my mom or Sam. I told my mom not to worry because I'm taking care of her. I can understand how Santana feels because when it happened to me I felt more invisible than I already was - practically non-existent. My heart felt like it wasn't beating, my mind went on a holiday, my lungs didn't allow me to breathe and when I did, it hurt. I understand.

"I want to do something Santana," her head now turns towards me, "I want to show you what life you could have with me if you stayed."

"I am staying Britt," she says softly, with no emotion.

I nod and hesitate to take her hand. She notices the conflict going on in my head and reaches out to link her fingers with mine. "I'll do whatever you want me to, you are my life now."

There was nothing possessive about what she said. It had the kindest meaning to it. She wants to share herself with me and wants me to do the same. She wants to involve herself with my family and friends and make dinner together and drive each other's trucks to work. She wants to holiday with me in Europe when we have the money - I'm sure she does because of her music career. She wants to wake up next to me and hold hands in public.

I never had that. No one ever wanted that with me. Now this girl, this incredible woman, is telling me that I'm her life. Instead of going back to New York, starting her career over, doing something for herself, she wants to be here with me.

"Come on beautiful," I say, stepping out of the booth. She follows me out of the diner and we head to her car. She doesn't say anything on the way to where we're going but I can tell she's happy with where she is right now. I offered to drive so that Santana doesn't have to worry about anything, she can just sit there and watch the beautiful view from outside the window.

She presses a button on the radio and this song comes on. I hadn't heard it before because the radio in my truck is busted and we don't have one at home. The only music I really listen to is played at the dance studio and at the bar.

Santana sways her head and I look over at her smiling. She grins back before winding down the window and leaning up to poke half her body out. She screams so loud toward the trees. I slow the car down a little so I can watch her. The music almost feels like it's going at the slowest speed. It sounds like the artist is screaming really really slowly and the instruments and being played by a turtle.

She screams again. "Faster Britt!" I press my foot to the pedal to drive faster. I wind my own window down and stick my arm out to feel the breeze.

I feel like I can do anything. I've met my person.

I parked out in front of a lake and Santana immediately started kissing me when the car stopped. My hands are in her head, pulling her into me until she has no choice but to move over the centre console and sit on my lap. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her forward. She breaks the kiss and is breathing really heavily. I lean forward and kiss her neck. She grabs on to the head of the seat with both hands to steady herself. I lick up her throat and plant soft kisses along her jaw. She rocks into me slowly.

I rake my nails down her back and listen to her hum in satisfaction. Her eyes are closed when she pulls back and takes in deep breaths. "Santana, look at me," I whisper.

She opens her eyes and a tear fall down her right cheek. She wipes it away quickly and then asks what we're doing here. I tell her she'll find out if she gets off of me. She laughs. We step out of the car and I tell her I'll race her to the field.

She tries to catch me but I'm too fast. I look back and watch the wind whip through her hair and her smile as big as the whole world.

We get to the middle of the field - where I usually came to ride horses. She stands in front of me, admiring her surroundings. Then I tell her we're going to dance and she smiles and takes my hand.

"You make me feel like I can do anything," I whisper against her mouth. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and leans her lips up to my ear. She waits.

"I love you so much."

* * *

We had been dancing for what felt like hours. The sun was setting behind the trees and Santana was racing me back to the car. I tell her we aren't leaving yet and she asks what else I have in store for her. I smirk and remove my shirt. Her eyes fall to my bra and I remove that too. I slide my shorts down before my underwear is off and thrown in the truck.

"Skinny dipping?" I suggest. She grins and quickly removes all her clothes and chases me to the lake.

"Brittany Pierce you get back here!" She squeals when I splash her but manages to hold my arms down when she finally reaches me. It's getting darker out, but the air around feels warmer somehow.

She's hold my hips and pulling me around in the water. I'm looking at her and picturing our future together. We could move, eventually.

"I'll support you in whatever you want to do," I say.

"I want to do you," she teases and nibbles on my neck. I giggle and lightly shove her away.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah I do, and same goes for you. Wherever you are is where I want to be." We sway in the water until a pair of head lights hit our faces. We hear footsteps and then splashes as two people get in the water.

"Hey," Rachel greets us. Santana's first instinct is to cover up but I reassure her it's okay.

"Hey Rach," I look to Quinn who dips her toe in the water, "Hey Quinn." She smiles at me and then sits down just so her calves are in the water.

"What are you guys doing here?" Santana asks.

"What are _you _guys doing here, _naked__?" _Santana's eyes widen comically and she steps behind me.

"We're skinny dipping, you can join if you want," I offer and earn a laugh from both of them.

"No," Rachel shakes her head, "it's okay. We were just going for a drive and we saw the truck."

"So you guys are okay?" I say, but instantly regret it because of course they're okay. They've been okay for the last couple weeks and they'll be okay for the next thousand weeks.

Quinn smiles softly, "yeah we're good."

We all talk about what's been happening in the past few days, including the unfortunate death of Santana's mom. Quinn and Rachel offered their sympathies and asked if there was anything they could do.

Santana said there was one thing; she just wanted them to be there at funeral. They accepted without hesitation.

* * *

The funeral was beautiful. Santana said her mom would have adored it. My mom was there and Sam was too. The whole town paid their respects to a woman that apparently did a lot for our small town. The money she earned from working 35 years had been donated to charity when she was alive. She even had money left over which was going to Santana.

Last night Santana got a call from Rosie saying she needed to come back to New York to sign over the apartment they were living in together to her if she was going to be staying in Lima. Santana told me she would be back in two days.

I don't think she realised she still had things to do in New York that she seemingly forgot about when she came here. I'm glad I distracted her from all that while she was here. I'm glad she even came back. I'm glad she got to spend time with her mom and I'm glad that she learnt to love me back as much as I love her.

We're standing outside her truck. She's taking one bag full of documents, her toothbrush and pyjamas. She's staying at a hotel across from her apartment and she promised to call every hour. She said it isn't even to check up on me, just to tell me she loves me.

I hold her face in my hands and kiss her lips hard. Her hands fly to my waist and she pushes me against the truck. "I love you, I love you, I love you..." she pants between kisses.

"I love you too, you better go," I whisper and give her one final kiss.

"I'll see you soon."

Sam walks over to us and Santana pats his shoulder. "Take care of her okay?" Sam nods.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," I tease.

Santana leans close to my ear and whispers, "I'll only be thinking of you, ever second and what I'm going to do to you when I return permanently." I giggle and blush. Sam scratches his head awkwardly and I gently push Santana away. She smirks and steps inside her truck.

She waves at us and drives off. We watch her car until it's a speck in the distance.

I tell Sam that we can go anywhere if we want. If the right opportunity comes our way, we can be on the next plane to New York City. And even if there's no opportunity, we can make ones ourselves by going out and closing the space between us and our dream.

* * *

**authors note two; **I wanted to leave the ending out in the open. I wanted you to interpret what happens in the future yourself because there will be no epilogue.

Some things I want to address:  
*Brittany's mother obviously used to have a drinking problem and occasionally she would go out to the bar and sit amongst people there to feel comfort. She wouldn't drink, at all. She thought if she touched one she would hurt Brittany and Sam so she would get quickly become dehydrated. When she did drink that one time at home it was because she was in her bed she shared with her husband. When Brittany offered her wine she accepted because her daughter wanted her to drink with her. She was not an alcoholic during the story, she's been recovering for years.

*Sam started smoking pot because of peer pressure from Brett the stoner but Sam has stopped now :)

*Normally I write Faberry and they already are together or eventually get together. This time they don't end up together, because life fucks you over sometimes and you don't always get who you want. They still remain friends though :)

*Brittana is endgame

These weren't mentioned in the fic because of how much I wanted to focus on how Brittany and Santana work together and how they feel towards each other, Brittany towards Santana especially. Of course I could have mentioned the reason behind Sam and his mom doing what they did but I feel leaving out reasons gives the reader something to wonder about. If you disagree that's okay.

I just wanted to end things different to how I normally end fics as I mentioned. Hope you enjoyed it, my next story will be completely different and out soon so hopefully I'll hear from you guys then! :) Oh and I'll probably be writing some one shots till then :)


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